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A Modest Proposal for Dealing with the Traitors Who Imperil Our Planet
PJM is proud to bring ye another Swiftian proposition to deal with the climate traitors in our midst.
It is melancholy to contemplate how the once loyal citizenry of our nation has become so infested by traitors. Indeed, I myself had not realized the extent of the corruption until this Monday last, the 29th of June, when the alarum bell was rung for all to hear by a source so impeccable, brilliant, perceptive, omniscient, and otherwise singular in merit as to eliminate all possibility of disputation.
This of course, was the column appearing that day in the Times of New York, penned under the byline of none other than His Excellency Herr Professor Paul von Krugman, Nobel laureate and intellect extraordinaire, in which he identified those who fail to support the cap and trade bill as traitors to the planet.
I must admit, as a mere scribe, I lack the wit to prove this case myself, but Professor von Krugman’s understanding transcends that of more ordinary humans, and so he must be right. It surely matters not that the matter under examination — the technique of weather control — is outside the area of study in which the professor has been accorded his prize. For if the world listens in awe to the pronouncements of beauty pageant victors upon philosophy, the affairs of nations, and other matters of general import, then why should Professor von Krugman not be granted equal credit for infallibility in all that he chooses to discourse upon? Certainly, given his celebrity otherwise, his indifferent performance in the swimsuit competition should not be held against him in this regard.
No, if Professor von Krugman concludes they are traitors, then traitors they must be, and not merely traitors to the crown, as were their predecessors in criminality, but traitors to the planet itself. Of course, the good professor is far too polite to specify the traitors’ portion, but the proper punishment is apparent. Death must be their sentence; for treason brooks no other. The gentle professor may be too kind to pronounce the verdict, but Justice herself cries out to us to do our duty. Without question or delay, the traitors must die.
But alas, are such measures truly sufficient to deal with the emergency? For certain we can and should quickly bring to the scaffold the 200-odd congressmen who openly betrayed the Earth by voting against the climate bill, but what of their hidden cohorts of planetary traitors spread throughout government at every level — state, county, village, and shire? How many acts of treason do these perform each and every day as they fail take action to save our planet from imminent, total, and utter destruction?
Treason by omission is equally heinous as treason by commission — perhaps worse, as it works its evil silently, cloaked from detection by a mask of apparent agreement with correct opinion. And it is these crypto-traitors surrounding us who threaten through their mendacious and perfidious inaction to sabotage all the efforts of our true leaders to coordinate the spirits of the good and loyal folk to submit to the sacrifice necessary for the salvation of the globe.
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Jonathan Swift is the pen name of a scientist who contributes to Pajamas Media.
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43 Comments
1. TubbyHubby:Do I thus plead “guilty”, or will I perforce enter a plea of “nolo contendere?”
Jul 6, 2009 - 2:58 am 2. "progressive"watch:“Swift’s” satire on the Al Gore wing of the lunatic asylum hits the mark.
Jul 6, 2009 - 3:59 am 3. C3H Editor:Interesting proposal. my guess is that von Krugman would quickly face his maker due to truth-treason.
We’d like to submit this evidence for his tribunal:
http://www.c3headlines.com/2009/06/krugmans-hysterical-outburst-never-underestimate-the-ignorance-pomposity-of-the-chattering-class.html
C3H Editor, http://www.c3headlines.com
Jul 6, 2009 - 4:58 am 4. Kat in Indiana:Gentlemen, I say ye, Jonathon Swift.
Jul 6, 2009 - 5:44 am 5. WhyamInotsurprised?:Prof. vK is an idiot. Nobel prize or not, his liberal mental illness colors all he spews. When I read some of his comments even on his field of economics, I have to wonder just what kind of campaign he had to conduct, and how much it cost him, to tally the votes needed to win this dubious prize. But like anything else, at least he does recognize that it is all about the money!
Jul 6, 2009 - 5:54 am 6. jackw:this new religion is starting to sound as dangerous as islamo-fascism. “Don’t believe us? DIE!”
Jul 6, 2009 - 6:08 am 7. Fred Beloit:This would seem to be a better proposal than mine, alas. I suggested that a large thermostat be placed in suitable quarters in the Bureau of Standards in Maryland. Once the ideal average temperature of the earth in tenths of a degree Centigrade is announced by President Obama or Al Gore, how long must we wait, the thermostat could be set and the problem “addressed” (I love that all-meaning word).
But this would leave out the vital cause of swift and sure justice, pun intended, to be carried out upon the political perps. Congratulations to you, sir. You have suggested the better solution.
Jul 6, 2009 - 6:39 am 8. Snarky Doucher(say Doo-shay):This would seem to be a better proposal than mine, alas. I suggested that a large thermostat be placed in suitable quarters in the Bureau of Standards in Maryland. Once the ideal average temperature of the earth in tenths of a degree Centigrade is announced by President Obama or Al Gore, how long must we wait, the thermostat could be set and the problem “addressed” (I love that all-meaning word).
But this would leave out the vital cause of swift and sure justice, pun intended, to be carried out upon the political perps. Congratulations to you, sir. You have suggested the better solution.
Jul 6, 2009 - 6:42 am 9. TomF:I recognize this as satire, but I am afraid that there are those who will take this very seriously.
Jul 6, 2009 - 7:20 am 10. JED:The Islamo-Fascists and the Eco-Nazis have a common cause in the ideal that the 7th century must have been a much better place in which to deal with tribal law and be in tune with the earth. If only they were free from the ravages of technology and the infidelity of globalization, then they could own the earthly paradise. The problem rests with the non-believes who must be purified.
Jul 6, 2009 - 7:28 am 11. JerryG:Must I now fear for my young son’s life? I have alas raised him to question doctrine. You may view our heresy here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcsvaCPYgcI
It is a analysis of data which must be a sin in this new religion.
Jul 6, 2009 - 8:02 am 12. Pierre Legrand:Marvelous satire that like all great satire has the seed of truth hidden within!
For those who remain skeptical of the radical green agenda may I introduce you to a site that is not my own?
http://www.green-agenda.com
Jul 6, 2009 - 8:11 am 13. Stan:The idiotic David Suzuki, Canada’s version of Al gore except he calls himself a scientist, wanted to jail politicians who didn’t believe in AGW.
A scientist, wanting to jail people who don’t believe the same theories as he does.
It’s mind boggling.
I’m getting tired of these morons.
Jul 6, 2009 - 8:15 am 14. kcom:“this new religion is starting to sound as dangerous as islamo-fascism. ‘Don’t believe us? DIE!’”
Actually, more aptly, “Convert or die.” That was the M.O. of Muhammad’s conquest and it seems to be heading that way for climate fascism. It’s rapidly approaching the point where there’s not a whisker of difference between them, huh? Enlightenment? What Enlightenment?
The sickest part is that all these people think they are being noble and caring, when in reality they are trying to drag us back to the dark ages, both economically and, especially, intellectually. Rigid conformity, claims of heresy, an elite telling everyone else what they must think…these are all steps backward and not forward and the climate crusaders are utterly ignorant of it, lost as they are in their zealotry. We need to get Cher up there to slap them (real hard) and yell, “Snap out of it!” Throwing away the hard won gains of the Enlightenment would be a terrible mistake.
Jul 6, 2009 - 8:15 am 15. smitty:I would like to see this read in a Buckley voice on PJTV by Steven Green.
Jul 6, 2009 - 8:53 am 16. ShoreTower:I am reminded, in reading this “modest proposal”, of a lecture by an MIT climate scientist (and a global warming skeptic). He commented that Siberia had warmed “alarmingly” over the past 20 years, and then explained why. It seems that, in the Soviet era, temperatures reported by weather stations in Siberia were used to allocate supplies of heating fuel. When the Soviet Union collapsed in 1989, this practice ended — and the warming began.
Jul 6, 2009 - 8:57 am 17. Attila:This is excellent satire, but it seems anachronistic using the language of the Reformation.
Global warmism has its revelation as a basis for belief, but it is more of a Gnostic religion. That would make it more of a Druze form of Islam, with its gnostic and neo-platonic influences, not Sunni or Shiite.
However, a Druze spoof would not be nearly as funny.
Hopefully, global warmism will take the route of the Shakers, and quietly remove themselves from the gene pool.
Jul 6, 2009 - 9:00 am 18. AD:A stuningly, wonderful proposal; it works for me – even better than term-limits!
Jul 6, 2009 - 9:09 am 19. A.W.:I have my own modest proposal for the crisis in California. If we have to bail them out (and i am opposed), i would like to model it on the other bailouts. That is then the federal government can go in and set salaries, hire and fire everyone, etc. So then we fire everyone currently running the state, namely Schwartzeneggar, the entire legislature, and the judiciary and replace them with… well, frankly, an equal number of people picked out randomly on the street in anywhere but hollywood will do. Or at least they would be an improvement. Then guide cali into bankruptcy where we sell off large assets to others. Like Texas will get the oil fields off of Cali and will be allowed to drill until their heart’s content. not sure what to do with the rest, i figure splitting it among oregoon, nevada, and arizona would be a wise course.
of course that is not what we will get under obama, but its a plan.
Jul 6, 2009 - 9:11 am 20. William Briggs:Executed they must be, but the malefactors must not be burnt at the stake using old copies of the Times as kindling, for this would only increase the carbon dioxide content of the atmosphere.
Burying them alive would have similar effect, albeit over a longer time.
The solution is to blast them to space so that their traitorous impurities may never befoul the Earth again.
Jul 6, 2009 - 9:41 am 21. arhooley:I thought you were going to suggest we convert them to oil.
Jul 6, 2009 - 9:48 am 22. Professor Guvinoff:Being a traitor by Krugman’s light is quite a badge of honor, and I take it, with pride, if it has not been claimed, yet.
Remember that true science is a non-prophet enterprise.
Goracle uses his barytone to modern cash-register music, underscoring a clever dollar trap using the time-honored guilt trip as the trigger mechanism.
P.S. Ben Franklin deserves far more credit than Al Gore for the invention of the Internet.
Jul 6, 2009 - 10:09 am 23. Andrew M:Please show Krugman some respect, guys. It’s His Excellency Herr Professor DOKTOR Paul von Krugman.
Jul 6, 2009 - 10:58 am 24. Paul -Indiana:When they come for me they will be served hot lead.
Jul 6, 2009 - 11:15 am 25. Tristan:Krugman’s always an iced coffee and a few keystrokes away from calling for a Bill Ayers-style leftist armed revolution against military-industrial complex. And let’s face it – when he finds out he’s just another useful idiot he’s not going to go down quietly. I give him six months MAX before he goes Kazcynski.
Jul 6, 2009 - 11:24 am 26. Steve:I then am a traitor at least as far as Krugman is concerned, I am for new oil production in this country and also for building more nuclear plants as further research and development in the so called green energy is made efficient and affordable. Also further research into clean coal technology. Then they can work on all the silly green things they want till they get it right which it is not at this time.
Taxing energy will make this country poorer and the only stimulus it will get from me is to vote against any liberal (mostly democrats) that proposed this bill or who voted for it and vote for someone with sanity on their side.
Jul 6, 2009 - 11:29 am 27. MarkD:We just had the coldest 4th of July I can remember, but Herr Krugman won’t let facts get in his way. This guy lacks the predictive ability of a tossed coin, and he didn’t see fit to return the $50,000 speaking fee he took from Enron.
The Times is missing an opportunity. I’d pay them $50 a year if they could guarantee I’d never see, hear from, or hear of their stable of columnists.
Jul 6, 2009 - 11:56 am 28. Lt. Warf:Curses! I’ve been found out!
You can’t accuse me of disloyalty; I’ve never been loyal to your candy-ass planet. You humans are a joke. We will bury you! And your little dog too!
Jul 6, 2009 - 12:07 pm 29. Reader:Today I decided to find entertainment by following a series of postings by readers of a local newspaper article concerning global warming. I made a few comments myself in which I expressed skepticism, but always in a polite manner.
I was stunned by the vile nature of some of the postings by environmentalists, some of whom for no apparent reason digressed into little anti-Christian rants. I did not realize it was this bad. I do not think I want to wander into any more on-line discussions that are dominated by environmentalists.
I see their cute and seemingly innocuous bumper stickers on cars, but man, once you start listening to what some of them have to say. . .
Jul 6, 2009 - 1:22 pm 30. Marc Malone:One man’s traitor is another man’s patriot.
Oh, and Lt. Warf… hilarious!
Jul 6, 2009 - 2:27 pm 31. wayne:I myself being proud to exclaim my own treasonhood do inquire as to the delightful moment when we can water the tree of Liberty with the blood of a patriot such as Krugman?
Jul 6, 2009 - 2:57 pm 32. Steve Smith:Dr Swift,
You are too kind sir. These are traitors raised to the second power (TTTP squared). Traitors to the planet and (I gaspeth) traitors to the Holy Church of Environmentalism. Let us trample upon the feeble notion that Church and State be separated. We must join the glorious Government of the Climate and the glorious Church of Environmentalism into one sacred entity, Obama-vana.
Then we must seek out these traitors and raise them to the third power. Yes indeedy, we must cube them (and perforce pack them in little non-plastic bags for easy storage).
Sing hosanna to Obama-vana!
Jul 6, 2009 - 3:00 pm 33. Strawman:Yes, and let us pray to the Shrine of the Rising Sea.
I hear that St. Gore is working on his new Oscar-winning film, the Passion of the Drowning Polar Bear.
Jul 6, 2009 - 3:46 pm 34. M. Report:This, then, is the ultimate treason:
To do the wrong thing, for the right reason.
I know: Inverted, but so is Klugman’s reasoning.
Jul 6, 2009 - 4:06 pm 35. Californio:Comrades, Companeros, Campesinos, et al:
I salute the measured comments of Companero Swift. Best not to delve too deeply into the false consciousness of those who oppose “cap and trade” (eh.. if only it did not use that odious term – “trade”). Perhaps if it is applied broadly enough, the um,…”removal” of the traitors from the food chain may reduce the problems of too many resources being used. Ah, now if this is applied to the counter-revolutionary capitalist ChiComs – then the earth would have a chance.
ONWARD!
Jul 6, 2009 - 4:53 pm 36. "Wild Bill":Someone please inform Herr Krugman that on the day that I or any member of my family should come into peril due to his “modest propoal,” that the brand of traitor which he levels against us shall in turn be visited back upon him and upon all who stand with him in the following mode:
HHG.
HOSTIS HUMANI GENERIS.
Enemies of the Human Race.
Yes, I don’t take kindly to being threatened. I thought Krugman knew me well enough to know that by now… but it’s become clear to me that he doesn’t know me at all.
Jul 6, 2009 - 5:57 pm 37. Gozer the Carpathian:*Chuckles*
A fun read and so true. It’d be funnier if there wasn’t real damage being done by these eco-nuts.
Jul 6, 2009 - 7:32 pm 38. donttreadonme:..and so dies another myth, on the tips of the tongues and pens of mad men.
Jul 6, 2009 - 7:59 pm 39. Rowland:Bravo!
Jul 6, 2009 - 11:16 pm 40. John:Like a Boa constrictor this insanity is crushing the life out of a country of choice. When choice is dead they in turn will be the beneficiary of their false worth by those who give no choice. What could not be accomplished from without is delivered from within? The treasonous will remain not vanquished but welcomed as delivers.
Jul 7, 2009 - 8:32 am 41. Sideline Observer:Krugman sound exactly like someone who read the IPCC’s latest Climate change report summary for politicians instead of the full report, which bluntly begins to raise the questions about trigger effects they don’t understand, and why “might”, “could”, and “maybe” riddle the technical section of the full report. In short, the scientists are beginning to understand there’s a lot they don’t understand, but the pols are committed and of a mind.
Jul 7, 2009 - 9:51 am 42. Strawman:41,
One thing I’ve never understood. The postmodernist doesn’t believe in any absolute reality, but is in a cold sweat that bad things are going to happen to the earth putatively because of the very science that they reject as being a construct of dead white men. What’s up with that?
Jul 8, 2009 - 9:34 am 43. Brian:I am still awaiting the announcement by the U.N. on what the ideal temperature is. I recall the head of NASA being publically chastized for suggesting that perhaps a warmer world would not be a bad thing. Some regions would benefit. All we hear about are potentially negative aspects to warming.. but in fact warmer temperatures result in more evaporation and thus precipitation…. rain…. not droughts as advertized… or are we to believe that the extra water vapor in the air simply disappears?
Jul 9, 2009 - 9:58 pm