Comments on: Ask Dr. Helen: Do Husbands Owe Wives Post-Childbirth ‘Push Presents?’

By: BBJ

BBJ — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 08:03:23 +0000

I think this is actually a rather old-fashioned people-with-money thing, buying the wife jewels after the birth of a child. And I know many people who’ve bought their wives (or husbands) special things to celebrate a birth. If you can afford it, and this is how your relationship works, I don’t know that there’s a bad time to buy your spouse something nice.

The term ‘push present’, though, makes me crinnnnnge, and the idea I’ve seen on some sitcoms and such, that there’s an expected value for childbirth that the husband is expected to meet (and, in sitcom land, will groan and mope about) is just tacky. What, if the bracelet isn’t nice enough you’re going to stop pushing?

By: Takekaze

Takekaze — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 08:02:13 +0000

Hmmm… non-Christian and non-Conservative speaking now:

When there’s a child born to a family, then both father and mother already get the best present possible. It’s called “baby”.

“Push present”… Stupid idea.

By: Takekaze

Takekaze — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 07:43:49 +0000

Hmmm… non-Christian and non-Conservative speaking now:

When there’s a child born to a family, then both father and mother already get the best present possible. It’s called “baby”.

By: HeGetsSexYouGetGIft?

HeGetsSexYouGetGIft? — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:22:13 +0000

When I was born, my father gave my mother a little feather he had found on his way to the hospital. He wrote a note with it, “Another feather for your cap.” She has kept it. It means something. A “push present” is both vulgar and greedy. How very like the present era.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:50:31 +0000

My husband got me a gift of a fine china tea cup after each of our children were born… he knows my taste and I loved them and cherish them as a memento of the postpartum time and a reminder that I am appreciated for being open to life and willing to sacrifice my body to be accomodating to the changes that a baby brings. Nothing wrong with lauding virtue with a gift from the heart!

By: Michelle Malkin » Michelle’s ring thing

Michelle Malkin » Michelle’s ring thing — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:34:43 +0000

[...] 4) What is it with some women who feel entitled to receive lavish presents from their husbands for work that should be its own reward? Reminds me of this ridiculous “Push Present” phenomenon (see Dr. Helen’s column here). [...]

By: dolph

dolph — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 04:59:58 +0000

hi! sorry 2 barge in on your conversation like this but i wanted to ask davy something, if i may: when u say “thoughtful, romantic …” etc. u r quoting from a film – i think it goes “…… and slightly tangential” – but i’ve forgotten the film. cd u help?
yrs apologetically + extremely tangentially
dolph

By: Aubrie

Aubrie — Mon, 26 May 2008 19:09:52 +0000

I could never expect such a thing of my husband. I was grateful that he took the time off to help after I had our babies (one emergency c-sec after 24 hours of hard labor, one scheduled). He got me a rocker the Christmas before our first was born. We bought a larger house before the second one.

I’m not big on jewelry and flowers – my eyes light up over an extra contribution to our 401K or one of the kids’ college funds… but I guess I’m just a MOM.

By: isad

isad — Mon, 19 May 2008 09:51:04 +0000

I have heard of giving a “baby present,” but did not hear it called a “push present” except online (I read something about it online previously).

I do not think this is a new thing, because I’ve heard of giving “baby presents” at least fifteen or so years ago, and know a few people who’ve gotten them.

I think it’s a nice idea, as long as it is not “required” and doesn’t come with a price tag that is out of line with the couple’s budget. (someone wrote above that the gift must cost 1-2K. You can find something nice for much less if that is out of budget.)

I thought the aim was that the woman may be feeling out of sorts, run down and tired, may have gained weight, and is now gearing up for late night feedings and all that. A piece of jewelry or something else that may help her feel like a woman again. If you think of it as a reward for producing a baby, it’s tacky. But I think it serves other purposes, and is a tangible expression of joy as well.
My general sense is that cultural rituals serve multiple purposes, and I guess that I thought that this gift was something of a ritual, not a new marketing ploy, and so am inclined to think giving such a present serves constructive purpose.

By: Laika's Last Woof

Laika's Last Woof — Thu, 15 May 2008 00:01:04 +0000

“Women love romantic symbolism …”

All the more reason to make the “push present” a college savings account for the kid, not diapers or some short-term crap like that, but something that tells her you’re all-in and looking out for the family’s long-term interests.

A newborn college fund presumes a two-parent family and by extension a healthy marriage for the next 18 years. She couldn’t possibly miss the symbolism. It’s the next best thing to a second wedding ring.

And don’t come home with a new set of golf clubs, either.