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Breast Milk Ice Cream, Anyone?
PETA's bold suggestion leaves them once again looking like boobs.
And the fact that the Storchen restaurant Reiman refers to in the letter is real makes one believe that the deep thinkers of PETA truly thought this would be a good idea, especially after reading this:
[Owner Hans Locher] claims to have been experimenting privately with various recipes since his daughter was born and to have perfected the use of the ingredient in his cooking, preparing meals such as breast milk soup, breast milk lamb curry, or antelope steak with chantarelle sauce with breast milk and cognac. In all cases the human milk is mixed with whipped cream and makes up at least 75 percent of the sauce.
“The idea first came to me when I noticed that there were many young mothers in our village, some of them single. I thought to myself: why not make use of their potential? I served the meals to my friends without telling them about the new ingredient and the feedback was excellent.”
You could almost see the light bulb going off over Reiman’s head. Hey, if they can do this in a restaurant, they could do it anywhere. They could do it on a mass production level! We can save the cows and let them go back to doing, uh, whatever they were doing before man decided to degrade them by utilizing their resources!
Of course, Reiman did not think her cunning plan all the way through.
First of all, Ben and Jerry’s — a humanitarian company run by two hippies — politely declined. The idea was too out there even for them: “We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child.”
Reiman also threw the idea out there without thinking of the prohibitive cost of doing such a thing, the logistics, or the marketing nightmare Ben and Jerry’s would face.
How would you promote such a thing? While there might be a million guys out there whose first thought would be to lick their lips and offer to help with the production line, reality will eventually settle in when someone informs them that breast milk doesn’t taste like milk.
Never mind where Ben and Jerry would find enough women who were willing to go through the pain of pumping in order to churn out some Chunky Monkey (eww), but the cartoonish image that runs through my mind — hundreds of women in a big, soulless factory, hooked up to machines that extract milk from them — makes me almost giggle at the absurdity. Sure, that’s what they do to the cows. But they are cows. Unlike PETA, I do not believe that animals are on an equal evolutionary level with humans.
And here’s another problem: How much milk do you think you can get from a lactating woman before you’re stealing her baby’s breakfast? Well, at least there would be one workplace where commenting on a woman’s boobs would not be sexual harassment, but a testament to her productivity.
The real issue here is that it would literally change the face of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Truth in advertising demands that the addition of breast milk be noted right there on the container.
The flavor names, of course, would have to be adjusted.
Peanut Butter D Cup, Chesty Garcia, Gimme S’Mores, New York Super Fun Chunks, Twin Peaks; there’s a million ways you could go with this. Think of the naming possibilities of a new melon-flavored ice cream. They could even put out a pistachio ice cream flavor called Soylent Green Is People.
The possibilities are endless, as are the tasteless jokes involving licking. While the idea of breast milk ice cream is both impractical and unappetizing, at least PETA, albeit unintentionally, gave us all a little laugh just when we need it. Thanks, guys.
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Michele Catalano lives, writes, and takes photographs on Long Island.
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40 Comments
1. Chris in Toronto:Just the thought of it grosses me out.
Oct 4, 2008 - 3:27 am 2. RightwingHippyChick:Even a nullipara can lactate(some adoption folks apparently do this to bond with their adopted babies) and IIRC men also can be induced to lactate, so any PETA member can surely volunteer and join in, all in the name of equal opportunities. The PETA males will finally become proper honorary wimmen this way, what is not to laud…
Oct 4, 2008 - 4:46 am 3. Freedom is just another word...:I have breastfed two children for 3 years total.
That being said, gross Peta. Human milk can have alot of human-to-human infections in it. Think Ben & Jerry’s is going to take on that chance? Besides, you only get about 20 ounces a day. Not economically feasible.
Oct 4, 2008 - 5:19 am 4. Ed Wallis:The human equivalent of Ethanol gasoline?!
EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww………..
Oct 4, 2008 - 5:33 am 5. DoktorNo:Excuse me, I need to puke right now…
What next? Cannibalism? Hey, if people will eat each other, they will produce less CO2, and it could stop global warming!
Oct 4, 2008 - 5:56 am 6. PETA's Latest Demand: Get Rid Of Cows:[...] This this piece by Pajamas Media’s Michelle Catalano (a great conservative blogging powerhouse who left the political blogging scene a few years ago) she tells you what ingredient the always provocative PETA suggests replace cow’s milk. [...]
Oct 4, 2008 - 6:08 am 7. RE:It’s an absurd notion.
I hope Ms. Catalano chooses more substantive topics to write about in the future. This is stupid.
Oct 4, 2008 - 6:14 am 8. Wacky Hermit:Maybe the laws are different in Switzerland, but in America many states have laws against selling breastmilk, as it is considered either a bodily fluid or a food that hasn’t been processed in a health-department approved kitchen. I remember hearing a local news story a while back about one lady who got in trouble for advertising her extra frozen breastmilk in a classified ad. I don’t know if there are any restaurants in America that could get away with serving a breastmilk menu without bringing the Health Department down upon themselves.
Oct 4, 2008 - 6:17 am 9. B Dubya:Sorry girls (chanelling Pam Anderson).
Oct 4, 2008 - 6:32 am 10. Qulmos:Can’t get milk from silicone.
Faux secondary sexual characteristics.
Faux humanity.
The real deal in self loathing projection though.
Nothing I say could possibly completely describe the disgust I feel at this idea.
But then again, on the other hand, maybe this kind of outrageous action will help PETA shoot themselves in the foot yet again and ruin themselves even more.
Oct 4, 2008 - 7:33 am 11. Amanda:I am an avid breastfeeding advocate. Not only is breastmilk best, but it is the biological standard and a baby’s birthright. There are many mothers in this world who deal with the heartbreak of not being able to provide breastmilk for their babies. There are preemies who need breastmilk in order to survive, when their requirements exceed that of chemically processed formula. Generous mothers spend time pumping and donating extra breastmilk for these precious babies. But the only national milkbank is for-profit and makes it difficult for moms to get donated pasturized breastmilk.
Oct 4, 2008 - 8:02 am 12. Dan:And PETA thinks we should take this valuable resource away from babies who need it in order to make ice cream?! That goes above and beyond crazy, even for PETA.
Human milk is quite sweet and tasty, but I can’t imagine that it makes great ice-cream since it is far lower in fat than cow’s milk – the fat makes ice-cream tasty. The best milk for ice-cream is whale milk – whales only have one breast and I’d dread to see PETA’s reaction to milking whales.
Oct 4, 2008 - 8:16 am 13. Fat Man:As usual, the real issue is missed. The real issue is why does the MSM feel obligated to give Ingrid Newkirk a sounding board? The mental hospitals of the world are full of people who have messages that are just as important, and just as well thought out as PETA’s. Why doesn’t the MSM publicize their delusions instead? Why are we wasting valuable electrons on this non-issue?
Hint. Try thinking about the Agenda, and the Narrative.
Oct 4, 2008 - 8:48 am 14. mr:if PETA were serious, they’d pledge to compensate Ben/Jerry for any profits not realized if this suggestion is followed. no pledge, then PETA is viewed as not serious in their request.
Oct 4, 2008 - 11:01 am 15. WR Jonas:Fat Man is absolutely correct. Every lunatic blathering or meeting of madmen is breathlessly announced by the media. I don’t suppose that any editor ever thought about not affording these weird creatures the free publicity.
Oct 4, 2008 - 12:59 pm 16. WTF?!?:Their stock in trade is abnormality and absurdity. The greater the deviancy the more attention it arouses.
Of course the idea of resisting this insanity never occurs to them.
So…
PETA is against the “exploitation” of cows, but the exploitation of women sits just fine with them.
Nice.
Oct 4, 2008 - 2:53 pm 17. schnargley:I don’t think this idea sucks. I think it is a wonderful! It will save cows needless sffering and humiliation at the hands of their cruel, compassionless oppresive masters, and at the same time will produce many jobs for women. We will have new and wonderful flavors from the social-conscience minded Ben & Jerry’s corporation such as:
Knocker Neopolitana
Oct 4, 2008 - 4:54 pm 18. schnargley:Pamela Anderson Marshmallow Nut
Twin Peaks Cream Dream
Titilating Tangy Mangoes
Swinging Strawberry Slurpees
Jugger Nut Nip Supreme
Wicked Watermelonlicious
More Flavors..
Udderly Scrumptious Scream
Milky Way Heaven
Nubian Chocolate Milk Maid
Michele, please keep us abreast of the situation.
Oct 4, 2008 - 5:09 pm 19. schnargley:Thanks For the Mammaries Momalade
Oct 4, 2008 - 5:11 pm 20. sam in Toronto:Luscious Love Lump Swirl
Dolly Parton Pineapple Coconut Bomb
this is just another example of PETA putting animals before humans
It sickens me to see how animals have been elevated to a level above humans, and are not where they should be … for our use … albeit that they are treated humanely
Remember the “Holocaust on plate” ads a few years back … that shows the type of sick people that we are dealing with
Oct 4, 2008 - 5:34 pm 21. kabud:why not:):):)
Oct 4, 2008 - 6:34 pm 22. sam in Toronto:btw … I support another PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals
Oct 4, 2008 - 6:48 pm 23. Lisa Paul:PETA would be a continuous source of hilarity if they weren’t so scary. This is the group whose fringe members bomb cancer research labs and are quite comfortable killing scientists if they save a few lab rats.
Before I could hone in the the jokes, I also had an uneasy flashback to a friend who is involved with a charity that donates breast milk to HIV/AIDS orphans in Africa. It’s the difference between life and death for these babies.
PETA is increasingly losing whatever fan base they ever had with their insensitive stunts.
Oct 4, 2008 - 7:15 pm 24. Duude:If Ben and Jerry’s agrees I’m going to send my resume as an extraction engineer.
Oct 5, 2008 - 12:38 am 25. Joshua:I think I speak for at least half your readers when I say –
Seriously, whose tits are those in the thumbnail photo a the top of the page?
Oct 5, 2008 - 1:22 am 26. Dark Helmet:Just think of the line at Star Bucks in the morning at the dispensor…. wow.
Oct 5, 2008 - 6:16 am 27. NahnCee:I wonder how many people who belong to PETA also belong to MADD. It seems like the same mind-set and addiction to senseless bullying.
Oct 5, 2008 - 9:50 am 28. Dark Helmet:‘I wonder how many people who belong to PETA also belong to MADD. It seems like the same mind-set and addiction to senseless bullying.’
Are you freaking retarded?
Oct 5, 2008 - 2:36 pm 29. Dolly:I never understood why the drinking of human milk by adults is considered abnormal. It is perfect food for humans, it’s not like anyone is getting hurt, and it would seem to be a good way for women to earn a few xtra bucks. Are there any anthropologists out there who could let us know if this is a universal taboo?
Oct 5, 2008 - 4:31 pm 30. tom:Joshua wrote
I think I speak for at least half your readers when I say –
Seriously, whose tits are those in the thumbnail photo a the top of the page?
~ why gawk at a plastic surgeon’s handywork
Oct 5, 2008 - 8:10 pm 31. Gregory:Presumably, Dolly, because it is a privilege that should be limited to the children and husband of said woman? I mean, go ahead and try to say that your father is drinking your breast milk.
Not a pretty picture, is it? And is it any better when you say ooh, now some total stranger is doing it? Hmm.
At least, that’s how I’d feel about it.
Oct 5, 2008 - 11:32 pm 32. Victor:Lessee–milk, in the US, is anywhere from 3.25% to 4% milkfat. Cream is at least 35% milkfat…and now you know the difference between icecream and icemilk. Human breast milk is anywhere from 3-5% milkfat (per Wikipedia) and is unsuitable for icecream. But it could be used for icemilk.
Small point. The real point is PeTA is nuckin’ futs.
Oct 6, 2008 - 6:20 am 33. jvon:I joked during college that I would happily stop eating animals if vegetarians would volunteer to be served up as food instead. No takers. To me, that would have solved two problems…
This breast milk thing is just more ridiculous than anything else. No, it isn’t going to happen. People aren’t going to release all their pets into the forest either, or any number of other silly ideas that the PETA people have.
I think the situation in Switzerland exploited a legal loophole, which will be closed very quickly.
Oct 6, 2008 - 12:14 pm 34. beemer:As a former nursing mother, I can’t imagine any woman considering this for more than a millisecond. The discomfort, the swelling, the leakage, not to mention the physical changes to our “assets” (you other nursing mothers would know what I mean)- its just not worth it except to provide for your own children.
Regarding the PETA releasing pets into the wild- my husband jokingly always tells our cat to go to the end of the driveway and turn left…he always comes back, sometimes with company. Cats simply do not willingly want to live without the human touch (or the comforts of a home). Lord knows we’ve had our share of those free-rangers, ending up on our doorstep, and often staying. And before you worry about our wandering cat, we live well out in the country and he rarely leaves the yard, or the foot of our bed for that matter.
Oct 6, 2008 - 9:48 pm 35. Joshua:Tom wrote:
I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of tits I believe to be “nice tits”; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know a nice rack when I see one and, frankly, I don’t really care who made it.
Oct 6, 2008 - 11:34 pm 36. Amphipolis:I don’t think it will work. As I recall, our children insisted on having their mother’s milk warm.
Oct 7, 2008 - 5:41 am 37. Bucky Katt:“What next? Cannibalism? Hey, if people will eat each other, they will produce less CO2, and it could stop global warming!”
Hah..my motto- Save a cow, eat a vegetarian! ;0)
Oct 8, 2008 - 11:15 am 38. William Malicoa:TOKER53:
Oct 8, 2008 - 1:12 pm 39. LOIS:Hey beemer,
yourself and the other Nursing Mothers aren’t the only ones who notice what happens to your assets. They aren’t called Knockers because they Stand out there like a Teenagers. Not that I ever noticed.
why use human breast milk; that is a very unhygienic thing to do
Nov 30, 2008 - 10:13 am 40. Jamie Inman:Hey, I named my blog before I read this stupid story. I mean, great story about a stupid idea. I am dying to hear Ben and Jerry’s response.
Dec 24, 2008 - 5:39 am