Drunkblogging Obama’s Big Prime-Time Presser
An evening with the real American Idol. No, not Barack Obama — Vodkapundit's Stephen Green, who juiced up for his play-by-play analysis of the big speech.
4:19PM Checking in with my practice martini. In a few moments, I’ll pour another one and switch on the news. Then, the drunkblogging will begin.
4:30PM Word is, Fox won’t be showing the press conference tonight. Their excuse is, their network is in the business of making money. How very ‘05 of them.
4:42PM Decisions, decisions. CNN means dealing with 20 minutes of Wolf Blitzer before the conference starts. Fox News? Sheppard Smith. MSNBC? Chris Matthews. I think the decision is clear: Down Martini #2 very quickly and get to work on #3.
Side note: When did Pat Buchanan’s voice get so high?
4:49PM I’ve settled on Fox News for tonight’s viewing. What has the world come to when Sheppard Smith is the least offensive way to stay current?
4:51PM Just a quick note — all the time stamps are Pacific. And now they’re computer-generated, so there’s some small chance they’ll be accurate.
4:52PM Tonight’s talking point: It’s not “swine flu.” It’s “Porcine-American sniffles.”
4:54PM Shep Smith keeps saying “swine flu.” But that’s OK, just so long as we don’t have to share a bunk at Reeducation Camp.
4:59PM The blonde in pink on Fox News says Obama wants to remake energy, health, autos, and maybe some important items, too. Bush only wanted to remake Iraq. Who’s the cowboy?
5:00PM I believe Bill O’Reilly’s makeup was done by an undertaker. Maybe also his wardrobe.
5:01PM Here he is. Lookin’ good.
5:02PM H1N1? How do you say that in… pig Latin?
5:03PM OK, when most any other President says he’s asked for a billion or two in emergency spending, it sounds impressive. But this guy? Also, I do *not* need the President to tell me to cover my mouth when I cough. My three-year-old, on the other hand…
5:04PM The Prez needs a press conference to sell us on stuff that’s already passed Congress? Makes you wonder what his internal polls are telling him.
5:05PM Nine trillion in debt will help us compete? Bitchin’! I am so putting a Mercedes on my Citibank card.
5:06PM “I think we’re off to a big start, but it’s just a start.” I think I speak for millions of Americans when I say, “Oh, crap.”
And why does a Prez who keeps telling us a debt-based economy is bad, so worried that the banks aren’t lending quite so freely?
5:07PM Translation: Sarbox wasn’t nothin’.
5:08PM “Work” will take “time and effort.” In other prime-time worthy news, leisure will require “too little time spent relaxing.”
5:09PM AP’s J-Lovin’ got the memo. You could practically hear her swallow the word “swine” before the word “flu.”
5:10PM If the SWINE flu (sorry) isn’t an emergency, then why is the President getting briefed hourly?
5:11PM He keeps telling us that the 1.5 billion in SWINE flu dollars is a big deal. But really, you could find that many Obama Bucks under AIG’s sofa cushions.
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Stephen Green writes, broadcasts, and enjoys the occasional lovely adult beverage at the home he shares with his wife and son in Monument, Colorado.
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71 Comments
1. Interested Conservative:Do we still have to inflate our tires?
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:06 pm 2. JR:In answering when the borders will be closed for the non-swine flu, he says we don’t want to close the barn door after the horses are out? I’m really confused now. Is this the horse flu?
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:11 pm 3. roux:Wash your hands, put your hand over your mouth when you cough, blah blah blah….
You are the President of the FLIPPIN United States you moron….not my Grandmother!!!!
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:13 pm 4. Joan of Argghh!:Why not a Lamborghini? I mean, if you really want to stimulate . . .
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:14 pm 5. oMan:very funny! Wish I could be trying the adult bevo’s in Colorado with you. Keep it up, humor is what we need to endure the next 3 years 9 months.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:15 pm 6. JR:He wants to get us out of the auto business as soon as possible? Hey, but what about that Obama warranty that millions of Americans have been counting on when buying a fine Government Motors product the last few weeks?
Just another “typical” car salesman, I guess.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:18 pm 7. BPT (Australia):My favourite observation: “When did Pat Buchanan’s voice get so high?” That’s very funny because it is true. I suspect he was nervous. Kids sound the same when they try to steal my laptop.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:19 pm 8. jeanneb:Total canard on the example of the British and torture.
The current debate concerns use of waterboarding to elicit info on an imminent attack.
The president is describing a time when Britain was ALREADY being bombed every day. Coercive techniques in that case would be irrelevant. What were they supposed to ask the detainee: “When will it STOP?!”?
Just another example of slippery language from a supposedly linguistic president.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:23 pm 9. Dave:‘Pockistan’ DRINK!
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:25 pm 10. roux:Let me remind you again, Barry. You are President of the United States of America. Not the President of the Glee club or ACORN.
You’ve just called the CIA interrogators war criminals. Jeez, you are really stupider than I thought.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:25 pm 11. Dave:‘Tollybahn’: DRINK!
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:25 pm 12. SamIam:It would have been nice to see a follow-up question asking if we routinely “torture” military personal with that very same water boarding as part of a training course.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:27 pm 13. bad:Way to go Mr. Green!!! LOL
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:32 pm 14. Calvin Dodge:Sure, he’s reached out – if you define reaching out as saying “I won”.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:34 pm 15. bad:Drink one for me, please. Make it a double….
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:35 pm 16. Frank Martin:“5:18PM Jake Tapper: “Did the previous administration sanction torture?” Prez: “I do believe [waterboarding] is torture…”
Say, theres an urban legend that once upon a time and for about a week and a half, the President was once a US Senator. I also remember that the Senate was asked to vote on what was and was not defined as torture. Is there any chance that while he was passing through that office he might have actually, you know, voted on that subject?
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:35 pm 17. JR:As to right-to-lifers, “I don’t want to create strawmen here.” But everyone else is fair game.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:35 pm 18. Alec:“Why is the White House determining when or if a corporation can or may seek Chapter 11 protection, or who they must merge with?” Because we taxpayers happen to own most of the company at the moment. If taxpayer money is keeping any “too big too fail” company afloat, we deserve the right to have our leaders influence the way decisions are made. The minute a “too big too fail” company can fly on its own, the White House will get out of the failed-industry-management business. Why should a failed industry accept our bucks without oversight?
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:36 pm 19. JM Hanes:Thanks SG! Boy did I need a laugh. Your drunk blogging is the only bright spot in such dark and dismal nights. Or maybe the only martini[s] in this sorry desert of a Wednesday.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:38 pm 20. Dave:Or, “Gosh, your #&@% is tasty, Mr. President!”.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:46 pm 21. dre:ah, ah,ah, ah
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:47 pm 22. dre:the sinking of the uss titanic
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:48 pm 23. Craig V.:Why is this a primetime conference? Can he be any more conceited? Why do I care, give me another drink!
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:48 pm 24. roux:Fox caved.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:52 pm 25. Hector Owen:No question about the bizarre thing with the planes in NYC on Monday? How disappointing.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:53 pm 26. Dave:I had a bad connection for a while… Did any of these sycophants bring up Scare Force One?
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:53 pm 27. Molon Labe:We’ll be lucky if it’s only decimated.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:54 pm 28. Stephen Green:Alec –
GM and Chrysler should never have taken the money, which Washington should never have offered. And which Washington isn’t AUTHORIZED to offer.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:55 pm 29. Dave:roux: Fox didn’t cave. It’s on FNC, but not Fox.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:55 pm 30. Stephen Green:Dave –
Scare Force One has yet to be mentioned.
Apr 29, 2009 - 5:56 pm 31. Nan G:Margaritas were not enough to tune that stuttering out.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:00 pm 32. jeanneb:Does that bother anyone but me?
Obama says he doesn’t want to grow the government?! Last time I looked he’s budgeted to add over 600,000 workers to the federal payroll alone.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:00 pm 33. JM Hanes:That’s a lot of growing.
“I guess they DO know what jobs will be needed. Or if not needed, then at least legislated.”
I think you meant “saved” here, no?
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:01 pm 34. Dwight:The guy is smooth. He made no significant missteps that I could see and marched right through it all.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:02 pm 35. PAR:A great article, I always said the Democrats were a good for a laugh. Now I’ve got a grandma and a President, and it only cost us a few trillion dollars, oh and don’t forget good old crazy uncle Joe Biden. This will be a great sit-com. Unfortunately its run won’t last more than four years, but the reruns will be a hoot.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:02 pm 36. Delia:Day-o, Day-ay-ay-o
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Plan Jihad all night on a drink a’ rum (Do they drink in the day, why work at night?)
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Stack da bombs till the mornin’ come
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Come, Mister Taliban, tally me da bombers (Taliban pays the Jihadis)
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Come, Mister Taliban, tally me da bombers
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
It’s six foot, seven foot, eight foot Jihadis! (The lengths each bomb they can stack on their backs)
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot Jihadis!
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day…
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
A scraggly bunch a’ Gitmo Jihadis
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Hide the deadly suit of bombs (what does this mean?)
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
It’s six foot, seven foot, eight foot Jihadi!
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot Jihadi!
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day…
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Come, Mister Taliban, tally me da big boom
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Come, Mister Taliban, tally me da big boom
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day-o, day-ay-ay-o
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:05 pm 37. Mason:Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Waterboard ouchy and me wan’ a new home
NEWS ALERT! Narcissist preens and then receives press tongue bath.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:07 pm 38. LeighB:20 Dave – who exactly was teabagging?
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:17 pm 39. Ellen K:Also wondering about the inflation issue. BTW, it’s not “Porcine American Sniffles” in politspeak, it’s the North American Flu. Never mind where it started, the name stick on us. Just another wonderful product of the new American Apology Association-If you want the Best, We’re Sorry.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:19 pm 40. RabelRabel:On Churchill, am I to to believe that the man who would burn alive 120,000 civilians in Dresden alone wouldn’t approve of brutal interrogations of Nazi prisoners suspected of holding war-critical intelligence? Of course he maintained a public posture against torture to protect Allied prisoners, and for the hordes of ordinary POW’s I’m sure that was his policy. But how naive or uninformed of the horrors of WW2 does one have to be to accept this at face value. Churchill was smart enough and cared enough about his country to keep its dirty work secret.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:32 pm 41. roux:Here in the CDT Fox showed the whole thing.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:41 pm 42. moron:Saw the AP transcript. No reported “uhs” !!! Zero. Nada. By my count Barry reset his own world record for uhs, average of 6 uhs per completed sentence.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:50 pm 43. zanne:Give him a 24 hour Obama web cam and let the rest of the country go about their business.
Apr 29, 2009 - 6:59 pm 44. sheesh:Wow, you people are amazing. It’s like eavesdropping on a high school slumber party of the ugly kids.
I could pick virtually any entry, but this one will do:
20. Dave:
Translation: Here’s a softball, Mr. President!
Or, “Gosh, your #&@% is tasty, Mr. President!”.
Poetry, Dave, really. I’ll bet your parents are proud. Well, at least the one that knows how to read.
All together a stunning collection of arrested development. As a liberal, I am heartily reassured of our continued dominance.
Drink!
Apr 29, 2009 - 7:17 pm 45. Kelly:My 11 year old was watching the press conference (I have no idea why, I was in another room NOT watching it). She came in and said, “have you noticed Obama says uh-uh-uh a lot”? She than proceeded to ridicule him. That’s my girl!
Apr 29, 2009 - 7:35 pm 46. J.R.:“I would love to get the US government out of the auto business.” Which is a bit like a rapist promising to pull out.
Best line of the evening!
Apr 29, 2009 - 7:41 pm 47. tree hugging sister:Steve, you’re my hero. LORD KNOWS WE NEED ‘UM. Thank God you have the courage and intestinal fortitude to withstand this murderous media onslaught and bombastic Barack Obamarama babble, whilst typing ~ sparing us, your humble fans, from the pain of actually have to witness it.
I watched QVC (didn’t buy anything) and tried to keep up with you.
::hic::
Apr 29, 2009 - 7:50 pm 48. Bilgeman:Mr. Green:
“And why does a Prez who keeps telling us a debt-based economy is bad, so worried that the banks aren’t lending quite so freely?”
QOTD! Howlingly funny and dead-spot on target.
Apr 29, 2009 - 8:03 pm 49. Minerva:Today’s Wednesday. Only two more days until we can binge drink ourselves into a stupor over the mediocrity in our country.
Apr 29, 2009 - 8:07 pm 50. Bilgeman:#2jr:
“he says we don’t want to close the barn door after the horses are out? I’m really confused now. Is this the horse flu?”
I think the Alleged Hawaiian is equating Mexico with a Barn, and Mexicans with domesticated livestock.
Apr 29, 2009 - 8:07 pm 51. Meryl:Thanks! Hubby and I had to clip our toenails and felt free not to watch, knowing we could catch up with the non-event here and other sites.
Apr 29, 2009 - 8:56 pm 52. Juvenal:Looks like Fox had it right. What a waste of everyone’s time!
Apr 29, 2009 - 9:10 pm 53. whyaminotsurprised:Changed the channel to cartoons as soon as he appeared. Sounds like I didn’t miss much!
Love the humor about “The One’s” pronunciation of “Pok-iz-ton” and “Tolly-bon.” This guy went to Harvaaard?
Apr 29, 2009 - 10:56 pm 54. wayne:Guess Congress has no literacy tests per se to qualify to lead this country. IQ tests? Sanity tests? Say, did we ever see his resume? Can you imagine the embellishments he would serve up? Birth certificate, proof of purchase? Sorry no returns or refunds allowed!!
I actually needed to be reminded to wash my hands. Seriously.
Here’s my latest Obama web comic: http://bit.ly/10g9UE
Apr 29, 2009 - 11:45 pm 55. Sonar:Susan Lucci is Hot and Sweet. I would be on her like a pimento on an olive.
Obama is a bore.
The country would be better off with a proud, evangelic Socialist than with our socialist in denial. It’s most discouraging that our President isn’t worth our attention.
Apr 30, 2009 - 1:37 am 56. mik:not funny
Apr 30, 2009 - 3:22 am 57. sule:We’re all supposed to wash our hands now?
And cover our coughs?
Yup…
Just wait…next we’ll all be told to keep our tires inflated…
What’s that you said?
Dang.
Apr 30, 2009 - 3:34 am 58. Scott:More Steve Green in the future please.
Apr 30, 2009 - 4:32 am 59. Kevin:Looks like I didn’t miss anything.
Apr 30, 2009 - 6:20 am 60. Войска ПВО:I see a few quips about the tire inflation idiocy he espoused during the election. Heard him in a quickie interview a week or two back trying to take credit for the lower gas prices, since the election, on his tire inflation comment. My wife was startled as I laughed out so loud, then she saw it was the One on the TV and went about her business.
Dunno about you folks, but I hope The Gas Bag in Chief gives one of these every hunnert days..hell, every hunnert minutes..of his lame-assed term.
By the time we get to the 10th one, the American [Idol] public will be so enraged at having their “bread and circuses” programming pre-empted that the demonstrations will make the Tea Parties look like ice cream socials..
..or so sick that the sales of vomit bags will skyrocket.
hmmmmmm. Maybe I should buy a block or two of J&J or Rite Aid stock?
Apr 30, 2009 - 7:06 am 61. doc disgruntled:Stephen, thanks for watching this so I don’t have to. DD
Apr 30, 2009 - 7:10 am 62. Cybergeezer:Obamassole’s version of “Survivor”.
Apr 30, 2009 - 7:27 am 63. savage24:More main stream media BS. God how they love it. The Messiah has spoken!
Apr 30, 2009 - 8:36 am 64. DoctorT:That’s what I did wrong. The need for the “Rah-rah tooting of his own horn” need for a prime time speech would have made so much more sense after several drinks. I guess “Hallmark Holiday” need to be given a lot more attention.
Obama’s grade for first 100 days. Zero. “F” doesn’t do the damage he is causing justice. Let me know when the march on Washington to take back our government happens. Even though my wife might hate me for it, I’ll be there.
Apr 30, 2009 - 11:22 am 65. BC:I have never laughed so hard….anyone notice that whenever he ’speaks’ that it sounds like a voice from above? What is up with that?
Apr 30, 2009 - 11:26 am 66. D-wah:Oh, I just wish I could have the lost time back from watching this stupid drivel – fest!!!!!!!
Fun venue, Steve–nice job and great idea. Obummer’s gas is so toxic you HAVE to take it apart line by line to see it for what it really is. I’ll drink to that! (say hi to the Rockies for me–or stay high in the Rockies for me–:)
BTW, his careful pronunciations of MEastern terms are close to correct–and evidence of his extreme familiarity with those cultures and their people. I lived in the Mideast for years–he’s been with Arabs and Muslims a lot!–and not just before the age of 7 or some nonsense–He knows how to sip their coffees and teas, greet them, even instinctively bows to the Saudi King, a Muslim reflex he couldn’t contain, “accidentally” says he’s a Muslim on TV (who could EVER do that?), that we have 57 states, etc. etc. Watch for more.
He’s not religious–he’s a political/cultural Muslim similar to his Chicago neighbor Farrakhan–but I’m sure he never met him, or wasn’t born yet, or wasn’t aware of his orientation..etc.
But c’mon, he’s a Christian? Blacking out the images of Jesus where he speaks? Who’s he trying not to offend? He and his black nationalist pastor took refuge in a “church” to furtively cultivate a following as well as their message, and he for credibility a la Alinski’s instructions.
–as the song goes “getting to knowwww youuuuu…getting to know allll about YOUUUUU!”
Apr 30, 2009 - 11:39 am 67. Meryl:Yeah, the thing about covering my mouth when I cough was new to me, too. Wow, the things we can learn from Dear leader. What ever would we do without him.
What has really started to make my skin crawl (even more) the last week or so is that he apparently actually believes that it is necessary (and appropriate for cryin’ out loud) to get on TV 2-3 times a day, telling us
1. how to get help with mortgages
2. how to avoid getting the flu
3. what to think about losing jobs
4. how to keep tires inflated
5. on and on and on …..
can’t think of them all now, but good grief, it’s like instead of being a teenager and waking to Dad and Mom reminding the kid of what has to be done today, it’s the tube and THE WON FROM WASHINGTON speaking WISDOM into our FLAWED (filleted) brains.
How long will it be before we can’t turn our TV’s off within our houses? or turn our computers off? They’ll come on at 2:00 in the morning with instructions from barry for our day.
If we don’t soon stop where we’re going, we’re going to get there. Not good. Not good at all.
Apr 30, 2009 - 4:40 pm 68. Войска ПВО:Meryl writes:
“..How long will it be before we can’t turn our TV’s off within our houses? or turn our computers off? They’ll come on at 2:00 in the morning with instructions from barry for our day.”
I’m thinking that old Apple advert back in the day..that was remade by the Hillary campaign.
Apr 30, 2009 - 6:30 pm 69. sheesh:67. Meryl:
Yeah, the thing about covering my mouth when I cough was new to me, too. Wow, the things we can learn from Dear leader. What ever would we do without him.
Actually, it was a subtle reference for us in the ranks of the leftist opinionistas that people like you should cover your mouths when you talk. We have this little secret joke society on the left. You wouldn’t understand. It’s a humor thing. Perhaps a few minutes on the waterboard might clear your head. We have a spot open immediately after Mr Hannity’s appointment, though he hasn’t called in to confirm, so we may be able to move you up.
May 1, 2009 - 7:40 am 70. misanthropicus:I still don’t get it as to why last night Obama needed to walk between the teleprompters and announce himself the Chrysler bankrupcy – will he start giving the weather report as well?
Fortunately, it looks like his viewership went down considerably since March, lost a chunk of about 25% – hope the trend will continue.
May 1, 2009 - 7:43 am 71. misanthropicus:RE #44/sheesh: [...] All together a stunning collection of arrested development. As a liberal, I am heartily reassured of our continued dominance. Drink! [...]
Sheesh, you Soeterotroll, you’d better start getting stuff for yourself for getting high – Barry Soetero is slowing down, buddy, and except some ACORN or MoveOnOrg dopeheads like you, people have began to realize what a pompous fraud we have in the WH.
May 1, 2009 - 7:48 amSniff, sheesh, sniff, this all you’ve got.