Let’s Give the Mommybloggers Some Respect
They may be sneered at in the New York Times and accused of endangering children's welfare by Kathy Lee Gifford — but parenting blogs are more popular than ever.
Kathy Lee Gifford, queen of all media, and the new host of the Today show, was more than a bit out of her element as she recently tried to interview mega-blogger Heather Armstrong, aka Dooce, following a taped segment that included interviews with other ‘mommybloggers.’
Kathy Lee started off the interview saying that she didn’t know anything about computers and concluded it with the suspicion that Heather Armstrong was endangering her child’s welfare by posting pictures of her online.
This from a woman who once made me watch her kid’s dance recital on network television.
I have three words for Ms. Gifford. Pot. Kettle. Black.
The incident was far from the first time the mainstream press has dissed so-called mommybloggers - with even more venom than is normally directed at blogging. The antagonism goes back as far as Jan. 2005, the New York Times told mommybloggers that they were narcissistic.
What is a ‘mommyblogger,’ you may ask? A common question - I’ve even met fellow academics who specialize in blogging who have never heard of us.
Simply put, the term have come to describe mothers (with the stray stay-at-home dad in the mix) who maintain blogs that chronicle and deal with raising their kids and their life after kids. These bloggers vary greatly in terms of tone and focus, but in general, they take a very intense and irreverent look at parenting. They discuss potty training in graphic terms. They talk about tossing back a beer with other parents. They show off projects that they are working on. They complain about the amount of homework their kids get and agonize over how many hours they are in front of the television or (ironically) the computer. They cheer on and encourage their fellow online parents. Some mommybloggers have particular niches, like parenting kids with special needs or moms with PhDs and form sub-communities revolving around those interests.
Many of them reside in the intersection of politics and parenting, like Bitch, PhD, Half Changed World, Electric Venom and my blog, 11D. Some mommybloggers have made the jump to full-time political blogging, such as MOMocrats. In this world, there is no separating the personal from the political.
Naturally, since most of these bloggers are women and they’re writing about kids and diapers and all, many guys write them off as marginal girlie stuff.
Marginal? Not according to the numbers. Dooce is number 41 on Technorati’s Top 100 blog list. She has more readers than most of the well known political blogs and she’s linked to more often than Andrew Sullivan or Michelle Malkin. In April 2008, she had 5.5 million pageviews and her comments number regularly in the hundreds. A recent post had 814 comments.
She’s not alone. Blogher lists 3,200 self-identified mommybloggers on its blogroll, but those numbers aren’t close to their overall numbers. According to a 2006 study by the Pew Foundation, many more bloggers are using their blog to record their personal experience, rather than merely sharing political opinion. 52 percent of bloggers said that the main reason that they blog is to express themselves creatively. Only 34 percent of bloggers saw their work as a form of journalism. 37 percent of bloggers said their “life and personal experiences” was the primary topic of their blog. Only 11 percent said that politics was the primary topic of their blog. Technorati is tracking 112 million bloggers. If half of those blogs are personal blogs, then 56 million are personal diaries.
It’s unclear how many of that 55 million are authored by parents, but it is certainly a large number. What’s the appeal?
Clearly, parents - in many cases parents who are very isolated from adult interaction for much of the day - are seizing the opportunity to form a community without having to abandon their household duties. In a post for her daughter in the future, Heather Armstrong writes, “I know I am not alone when I say that when I sit down to update my website I do it to connect with other people, I do it to reflect on the absurdity of everyday life with the hope that the people who read it will find similarities in their own routine. … this is a community of women coming together to make each other feel less alone. You are a part of this movement, you and all of the other kids whose mothers are sitting at home right now writing tirelessly about their experiences as mothers, the love and frustration and madness of it all. And I think one day you will look at all of this and pump your fist in the air.”
Because of these bloggers, there is increasing awareness of the work and rewards of parenting. The work of being a mother - and it is work - is no longer done behind the closed doors of suburban homes or in the enclaves of the local playground - the nitty gritty is out there on every computer for those who want to see. The mommybloggers are shouting, in essence: “WE ARE HERE!”
When their blogs describe in detail the hours that go into potty training, the lengths that a parent will go to get a picky eater to eat carrots, the insanity of projects sent home from school, the sleepless nights worrying about a child’s speech delay, that information not only provides respect and legitimacy for the work of parents. It may hopefully even provide more understanding in the workplace for the parent who needs to leave early for a parent-teacher conference.
Mommybloggers are also making it clear that while raising the kids is hard work, it’s rewarding work and a worthwhile pursuit. They lovingly discuss their kids’ accomplishments and post pictures of drooling tots. They talk about what they’ve learned and the skills they have acquired since having kids. They talk about the changes in their lives that have happened after having kids. The talk freely about how they miss the freedom of their old lives - until recently, a taboo confession - but yet sincerely adore their babes.
The mommybloggers also show us that being a mom or dad doesn’t have to mean the “Leave it Beaver” stereotypes. They are hip, tattooed, cursing, funny, quirky people. Or hard-working lawyers, organic food-eating homeschoolers, or even feminist Mormon housewives. They are real, flesh and blood people, not two-dimensional Hollywood mannequins.
The most popular mommyblogs aren’t at the top of the heap because they are the most ‘important’ but because they are the most entertaining. They showcase excellent writing and wit; many have important political and social subthemes. The best ones are anything but cloying. They discuss their kids and their lives with irreverence and humor. Millions read them because they offer universal truths about life, they provide a window into a world that until now has been largely hidden, and they have funny potty jokes. In the future, historians will undoubtedly view these blogs as primary sources for documenting private life in the 21st century.
In our own time, at least the corporate world has sat up and taken notice.
True, at the moment, corporate America’s courtship of mommybloggers is in its infancy - it still doesn’t quite ‘get’ them, as this rather comedic tale of public relations fumbling and damage control by Johnson and Johnson illustrates. But this kind of stumbling likely won’t last for long. Very soon, the mommybloggers will be an integral part of the marketing strategy of any company that wants to grab hold of the buying power and the ‘viral word of mouth’ that only they can provide.
As this mommyblogger points out, it has already made a difference.
“Consider Corporate America not recognizing that women make over half the buying decisions for the family. Consider Corporate America thinking our opinions don’t matter. Consider it going back to the way it was a few years ago, when male-written technology and political blogs dominated the blogosphere to the extent that major newspapers asked where all the women bloggers were.
Here we are, world. Here we are.”
Kathy Lee would do well to remember that the next time she wants to promote her next television show.
Laura McKenna is a political science professor who lives in New Jersey. She blogs at 11D.
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25 Comments
1. Sissy Willis:I didn’t have to read the post. Rarely do I go beyond headlines these days. Who has the time? Maya Angelou’s daughter says it all, but it’s all but impossible to find the daughter’s voice in a google search.
I gave up on the search but can report that the daughter was spurned by Mama Maya when she told the old girl she was pregnant. Motherhood has been the light of daughter’s life. Maya is catatonic.
May 26, 2008 - 4:31 am 2. DelD:Sissy, you’re thinking of Alice Walker and her daughter Rebecca.
May 26, 2008 - 5:14 am 3. Sassenach:The great Mommy Bloggers are writing in the style of Mommy Writer Erma Bombeck, who also mixed the political with the personal humor. See http://www.ermamuseum.org/life/default.asp
May 26, 2008 - 7:58 am 4. Brickle:Erma Bombeck is certainly the spiritual Grandmother of all the mommy blogs. There have been some aunts and uncles too - Lynn Johnston’s comic “For Better or Worse” comes to mind. James Lileks was writing columns about his daughter before he went all web-savvy.
I’d thought Kathy Lee Gifford had been mercifully removed from our lives way back when they found child labor making her line of clothing. The Queen of all Self Generated Drama can take a flying leap as far as I’m concerned. Anyone who takes advice from her deserves the inevitable disaster that will result.
May 26, 2008 - 9:53 am 5. Sissy Willis:Egad. You’re right. All marxist lite feminists look the same to me.
May 26, 2008 - 10:02 am 6. Simply Catholic:Kathy Lee Gifford really seems clueless. Several years ago when I was working on my oldest daughter’s school website the principal made certain that I didn’t put the pictures of any kids online in case some “stranger”
might see them.
I rolled my eyes and told her it wasn’t the perv in Guam with Photoshop that frightened me, but the perv parked across the street from the playground with the camera with the high powered lens.
“Mommy blogs” create a useful social network for women. When women use the interenet to communicate for business or even romance it is “empowering” and worthwhile, but if moms use the internet for community and support it is looked down on. Just more evidence of the low status our society gives to motherhood.
May 26, 2008 - 10:09 am 7. Steve:Seems this discussion injected gender where it doesn’t belong, pointlessly marginalizing fathers and giving mothers the moral high ground, as usual.
May 26, 2008 - 10:20 am 8. Allison Kaplan Sommer:What’s wrong with “parent bloggers”?
Steve -
If men are marginalized in the parent blogging world, they do it themselves. Trust me, the men who do have parenting-orienting blogs are VERY popular.
May 26, 2008 - 10:29 am 9. Gringo:Raising children, especially younger children,is not easy.By sharing one’s experiences, and finding out about other’s experiences, parenting is made easier. That is a win-win for both parent and child. Parent/Mommy blogging is the 21st century equivalent of having Grandma next door or in the same household.
May 26, 2008 - 10:44 am 10. RebeccaH:Interesting article. But it ignores another demographic which may prove to be just as big, although less PC popular: the aging Baby Boomers. We are here, too, we have discretionary income, and as we get older, we’re ignored. And yet, we have insights and observations that have to do with age and experience beyond what is conventionally dismissed as “The Baby Boomer Generation”, and a whole lot of us are blogging.
May 26, 2008 - 10:47 am 11. Kate:As to the “marginalization of men” — most well-known blogs are written by men. Their occasional parenting-related entry doesn’t lead their blogs to be referred to as a Daddyblog. They’re just called bloggers, period.
So, really, who’s marginalized here?
May 26, 2008 - 11:46 am 12. ChknLtL:So the NYT thinks mommybloggers are narcissistic? Same three words: Pot. Kettle. Black.
May 26, 2008 - 12:27 pm 13. katie allison granju » Kathie Lee Gifford doesn’t approve of me:[...] I guess not. Because Kathie Lee apparently doesn’t think much of those of us who blog about mothering. She doesn’t approve, even though she admitted prior to expressing her disapproval that she [...]
May 26, 2008 - 12:48 pm 14. PunditMom:Thanks for the mention of the MOMocrats (of which I am one!), but I’m hoping that someday soon we won’t all be called “mommybloggers.” Yes, we’re mothers and yes we write blogs, but we write about so much more than Dooce. I started my blog as a political blog from the perspective of a mother.
Maybe we could all be called something else — writers.
May 27, 2008 - 4:41 am 15. lonek8:guess what - to some degree all bloggers are narcissictic. Why else are we assuming people even care about our opinions and experieinces? If I didn’t think my thoughts heldat least a little interest for other people I would record them in a private journal. But instead I blog, just incase there are others out there who feel the same way, and to express my opinions outside the hoem since my two kids (2 and 8 mo) don’t have much appreciation for my cutting insights. I mainly choose to write about topics other than my kids because at the moment they don’t create enough new topics day to day to keep my entires entertaining. And as of yet I haven’t posted many personal pics because I’m not sure how much of our privacy I want to maintain or surrender. But I certainly don’t scorn those who do - I really admire the “mommybloggers” honesty and openness, and I am actually aspiring to be more forthright with my entires in the future as a way to let go of some of my shortcomings and tendency towards being closed off. WHat better way to work on intimacy issues than the relatively anonymous realm of the blogosphere?
May 27, 2008 - 8:25 am 16. Johnna:I about choked when I saw TV was calling Dooce a mommyblogger. I’ve been reading Dooce since she was a graphic designer in Los Angeles, without any plans for a child–she was writing before she met Blurbomat. Good grief, “dooce” means to get fired from your job for blogging about it.
I read Dooce for the style dictates and for her turn of phrase.
May 27, 2008 - 8:47 am 17. Sandy D.:Thank you for such a cogent piece on this. Now I’m waiting for both extremes - Linda Hirshman and Caitlin Flanagan - to weigh in again on ‘mommybloggers’.
May 27, 2008 - 10:03 am 18. Uncle Jeffy:Dooce gets linked to more often than Michelle Malkin? Who in their right minds would link to Michelle Malkin, anyway?
Oh, wait - “in their right minds…” I just answered my own question.
May 27, 2008 - 2:22 pm 19. Patricia:Geez, RebeccaH, Baby Boomers? Really? The most marketed to, overexposed, self-referential, self-loving generation ever really needs to be written up regarding your blogging?? “Look at me, look at me!” Still after all these years. Your generation is huge. We get it. Lots of discretionary income. Yep, heard that one too. Can your generation just fade quietly off the demographic stage, please? Please??
Yes, I am bitter. My father is a classic Baby Boomer who fully expects me to fund his retirement via my Social Security contributions, my own retirement be damned. I get a little touchy when Baby Boomers inject themselves- again- into an arena that I finally thought might be my province: parenting small kids and blogging about it. The article ignores the Baby Boomers for a very good reason- it’s about parent blogging, not Baby Boomer blogging! Mostly about parents blogging with young kids, which most Baby Boomers don’t still have. Enough with needing to be mentioned, discussed, dissected and otherwise lavished with attention in every single forum!
May 27, 2008 - 6:02 pm 20. Christine:Excellent summary of the many facets of women bloggers. I do think the term “mommybloggers” somehow trivializes the contribution many of these women make to the online conversation on politics, parenting, society etc. But, it’s a lot more concise, I guess to use the term “mommyblogger”.
I watched the Today show segment and interview. Kathie Lee appeared so dated and out of touch.
May 27, 2008 - 6:04 pm 21. Brandy:Excellent. Loved it! Well written…someone really did their homework.
I don’t blog about parenting or my kids, but my point of view if definitely skewed by motherhood.
It’s nice to see a dose of reality. Thanks!
May 27, 2008 - 6:44 pm 22. Green Mamma » Blog Archive » Props to Mommy Bloggers:[...] McKenna at Pajamas Media just published this response “Let’s Give the Mommybloggers Some Respect” after Kathy Lee Gifford, the new host of the Today Show, accused Heather Armstrong, Dooce, of [...]
May 28, 2008 - 4:54 am 23. What Women Write « The Upside Down World:[...] eyes and move on until this afternoon when I came across an article by Laura McKenna called “Let’s Give the Mommy Bloggers Some Respect“. Ding! Ding! Ding! Let’s give the little lady a [...]
May 29, 2008 - 3:12 pm 24. Skeptic:This article suggests that the mommybloggers’ revolution is indicated by corporate America’s gradual recognition of the Mom Marketing Demographic. Since when is revolutionary to be considered a target consumer? Will moms consume their way to freedom? Give me a break.
Jun 1, 2008 - 4:46 am 25. WebElf Report News Blogroll « The WebElf Report:[...] LET’S GIVE THE Mommybloggers Some Respect …. [...]
Jun 8, 2008 - 2:01 pm