Giuliani’s Cell Phone Problem
When Rudy Giuliani took a phone call from his wife in the middle of a speech, PJM advice columnist Dr. Helen Smith was dismayed. What his campaign tried to spin as the act of a caring husband, she sees as a red flag. Can a guy control the nation if he is controlled by his spouse?
I have had a pet peeve for a while–okay, I have a lot of pet peeves–but this one is a major faux pas in my book. I hate it when people take long phone calls when they are in the middle of a conversation with real live people. For example, have you ever taken the time to drive to a store to talk to someone in person about a product and had the sales clerk ignore you to take a call from another customer for what seems like an eternity? Well, then you will know why I was appalled when I read John Fund’s WSJ article titled, “Rude Giuliani.” It seems that Mr. Giuliani is taking lengthy phone calls from his desperate housewife during speeches — televised speeches, no less!
But there is a fly in the ointment. Even members of Mr. Giuliani’s own staff are appalled at how he handled the incident in which he answered a phone call from his wife, Judith, right in the middle of a nationally televised speech to the National Rifle Association.
What was that about? Columnist Robert Novak cites “supporters from outside the Giuliani staff” who claim that taking phone calls from his wife as been “part of his political bag of tricks all year.” But Mr. Giuliani’s deputy press secretary Jason Miller told me the NRA incident was definitely not a stunt. Instead it was a “candid and spontaneous moment” that would humanize the tough-guy former mayor with voters.
Nice try. Just in case this isn’t obviously ridiculous, Fox News commissioned a poll on the subject. It found that only 9% of Americans think a candidate should ever interrupt a speech to accept a call from his spouse.
The fact is that people inside the Giuliani campaign are appalled at the number of times their candidate has felt compelled to interrupt public appearances to take calls from his wife. The estimate from those in a position to know is that he has taken such calls more than 40 times in the middle of speeches, conferences and presentations to large donors. “If it’s a stunt, it’s not one coming from him,” says one Giuliani staffer. “It’s an ongoing problem that he won’t take advice on.”
It appears that Giuliani lacks technological etiquette but before I turn to what steps one should take to avoid this condition, let’s talk about why a former Mayor of NYC, Time Person of the Year and a presidential candidate would stoop to this unseemly behavior. First and foremost, it could be that Mr. Giuliani is afraid not to take calls from his wife. He jokingly said at a meeting once that he had to take calls from his wife as “I’ve been married three times.” He then explained, “I can’t afford to lose another one…..” It’s not so funny. Maybe he really is afraid if he does not take the calls, she will want a divorce.
We’ve probably all had friends and family members with controlling spouses who keep tabs on their husband or wife with non-stop phone calls, especially when the person is out trying to have a good time. They keep their spouse on a short leash and repeatedly call with problems, interruptions or personal information that could wait until their spouse came home. One has to wonder why a spouse would put up with this controlling behavior. In Giuliani’s case, it is especially unbecoming as it puts voters on the offensive, wondering if a man who is so easily controlled by his wife to the point of excluding the needs of those before him, will really take their needs into consideration when push comes to shove.
But let’s give Rudy the benefit of the doubt, and say that he really does love his wife and just wants to talk with her all of the time. That’s great for his love life, but where does it leave voters who want to feel that their presidential candidate will listen to them and understands how to set boundaries with others? A good leader sets boundaries, provides his undivided attention to his constituents and sets a good example of a work ethic-so answering the phone to coo with his wife is not exactly going to get him rave reviews in the leadership department.
Maybe what the press secretary says is correct-all of the phone calls are just a way to humanize him in the eyes of voters and show he is just some kind of “family man.” Well, that only goes so far and no one seems to be buying it. My money is on the first reason: that his wife is controlling and he goes along with it to keep the peace due to fear or intimidation on his part. Why else would he take 40 phone calls in the middle of speeches that are so important to his career? And if this reason is wrong, then he should prove it by heeding the wisdom of those who tell him to switch his phone to “silent.”
So now that we have looked at the whys of Mr. Giuliani taking lengthy phone calls from his wife, what type of intervention program is warranted? Blogger Adam Thierer says that if you lack technological etiquette, there are two simple rules you must follow:
(1) If you absolutely MUST take that cell phone call or answer that e-mail right away, try saying this: “Excuse me, do you mind if I do this real quick?” That would be a great first step down your path to techno-etiquette recovery.
(2) Do not EVER, under any circumstances, answer a cell phone call while you are in a restaurant, movie theater or other public establishment where relative quiet is expected. If you have to take the call, go outside.
I concur. If Mr. Giuliani wants to be the next leader of the free world, he would do well to heed this advice, for while voters can overlook a man who has had three wives and family problems, they can’t overlook is a man who looks like he’s pussy-whipped.
Are you one of those spouses who takes calls from a desperate husband or wife while in the middle of a conversation with others? If so, tell us why you are so rude. Or are you just intimidated? Or are you a lovesick puppy who just decided to leave the nest for a few minutes to catch up with others? Or if you are the recipient of this technologically inept behavior, what action do you take, if any?
Helen Smith is a psychologist specializing in forensic issues in Knoxville, Tennessee and blogs at drhelen.blogspot.com. This advice column is for educational and entertainment purposes only and does not purport to replace therapy or psychological treatment.
 |
 |
 |
Podcasts |  PJM Home |
Pajamas Media appreciates your comments that abide by the following guidelines:
1. Avoid profanities or foul language unless it is contained in a necessary quote or is relevant to the comment.
2. Stay on topic.
3. Disagree, but avoid ad hominem attacks.
4. Threats are treated seriously and reported to law enforcement.
5. Spam and advertising are not permitted in the comments area.
The clause regarding "hate speech" has been deleted because readers criticized it as being too loosely defined. We agreed.
These guidelines are very general and cannot cover every possible situation. Please don't assume that Pajamas Media management agrees with or otherwise endorses any particular comment. We reserve the right to filter or delete comments or to deny posting privileges entirely at our discretion. If you feel your comment was filtered inappropriately, please email us at story@pajamasmedia.com.
23 Comments
1. kg2v:This summer, I was taking cell phone calls where and when ever the phone rang. Of course, it had to do with the fact I had my father in the hospital, and Mom was in Hospice. Now that Mom is gone, I’ve gone back to the regular theory – if I’m with someone, the phone can wait
Oct 3, 2007 - 5:06 am 2. beloml:Some speculate that the call wasn’t his wife, but a staff member telling him that he had incorrectly identified the constitutional amendment he was talking about. Can’t remember the details, though.
Oct 3, 2007 - 5:52 am 3. Ban:He’s beginning to act like the pre-9/11 Rudy who had lost NYC’s respect, again. Judy Nathan is a huge problem (not that the wife to whom he was married while in office, Donna Hanover was such a prize either) and she’s far from first lady material and the games that Rudy played with the 9/11 relief fund, putting Ms. Nathan’s best friend in charge of it with a massive salary and all that…is very inappropriate. The laundry list is long and a tad sordid and those are the things that will cost Giuliani.
Oct 3, 2007 - 6:24 am 4. i-live-2-ride:If it happened once, it’s probably an accident. Twice and it’s rude. But three times and more? It’s just a phony display of a moron who thinks the press is eating it up cause it’s cute. IT”S JUST PLAIN RUDE RUDY. What are you in high school? You want to be the President, so grow up for crying out loud.
Oct 3, 2007 - 6:52 am 5. jvon:I assumed that this was some kind of moronic stunt. If he really does feel compelled to answer phone calls from his wife during speeches, he needs professional help. Maybe you should get in contact with him.
However: maybe he only needs to keep her from divorcing him until he is elected, which would make this a short-term problem.
Oct 3, 2007 - 6:53 am 6. John Davies:Someone should teach Judith how to text.
Oct 3, 2007 - 6:55 am 7. bernie:When I am in an important meeting I hand my phone to my assistant who takes a message. If it a life-or-death (in the business sense) problem, I can be interrupted to take the call.
I have blue-tooth so I can handle calls hands-free, but if the traffic is busy I let my passenger take the call.
99% of my calls are text messages so that if I am in a theater or restaurant I can simply read the message to determine if I should step outside to take the call.
I would prefer only text messages even if my house were on fire. I would hope that the caller dialed the fire department first since I rarely carry enough fire-fighting equipment to help in the matter.
Certainly if I were giving a speech my assistant would inform the caller, even my wife, I will call back in X minutes.
By the way, if I am at a counter and the clerk is on the phone, I tell him or her to drop the call and service the counter. It is not rude to tell employees to work.
I wrote an employee manual last year on phone use during working hours that may be instructive for some of your readers:
Oct 3, 2007 - 6:57 am 8. Carl in Jerusalem:http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2006/06/employment_manual.html
Ask Bill Clinton the question. It was his wife who said “We are the President.”
I would pick up the phone long enough to tell my wife that I can’t talk right now and let her choose whether to classify the call as urgent. She would do the same for me.
Oct 3, 2007 - 7:16 am 9. NoelArmourson:Mr Guliani was in the act of mis-quoting the 2nd Amendment when speaking before a meeting of the NRA when the call came. If he had continued it would have been political disaster. It is therefore easy to believe that the call was a signal to stop and limit the damage.
Oct 3, 2007 - 7:17 am 10. Joe Brockmann:Sounds familiar.Anyone watch the sci-fi channel series Ghost Hunters? A member of the group, Brian, was kicked off because he kept taking calls from his gf at inconvient times. Turns out she was hyper-toxic, and after leaving her, he was taken back into the fold.
Oct 3, 2007 - 7:42 am 11. Elizabeth:I worked for a man who had this problem. He would give me explicit instructions not to put any calls through when he was in a meeting but his wife would call constantly and insist on being put through even for stupid things such as what color towels she should buy. I was always in an untenable position. I had no respect for him because he wouldn’t stand up to her and I couldn’t stand her because she was so annoying.
Oct 3, 2007 - 7:45 am 12. George:The only reason why I would answer my wife’s call in a “phone-free” zone is because she had some very major health problems and now we just don’t know if and/or when it will happen again. Basically, I have to alway be “on call”.
Oct 3, 2007 - 8:15 am 13. Reality Check:I remember one time I was giving a presentation of a multi-million dollar software system to an audience that was just plain DEAD. My phone rang (I had forgotten to turn off the ringer). So, I answered it (it was a friend of mine) and I said “hang on, I’m going to put you on speaker.” After I did, I told him I was giving a presentation to about 45 people, and I instructed them all to say, “Hi Rich!” They did, it lightened up the tone, we all took each other a little less seriously, and the audience was much more interactive after that.
Oct 3, 2007 - 8:18 am 14. Jim:I guess this one just isn’t that big of a deal for me.
The assumption here seesm to be that these calls are in fact from his wife. Not only is that open to question, it seems a little unlikely. What are the odds that she just happens to call in the middle of his speeches on a fairly regular basis? Keep an eye on his aides the next time it happens.
Oct 3, 2007 - 8:33 am 15. Dean Esmay:I agree with all of this save one thing: what is the big deal with taking a cell phone call in a restaurant? What’s the difference between talking to someone sitting at my table with me–which happens all the time in most restaurants–and talking on the phone? None that I can see, unless you’re one of those idiots who yells loudly into your phone for no good reason.
Oct 3, 2007 - 8:34 am 16. lori:What I want to know is, if Rudy’s wife is so controlling, doesn’t she KNOW where he is/what he is doing at that time? What is she telling him – I’m watching you on the monitor, and you have a piece of lettuce in your teeth? I question her wisdom at placing the phone calls.
It’s dumb. People in his audiences should go about answering their own phone calls while he speechifies and it will quickly fix his problem.
Oct 3, 2007 - 8:36 am 17. Julie:It sounds like there are two plausible scenarios here. If it really is what it seems, and his wife keeps calling him at extremely bad times, it shows that they both have very poor judgment and is absolutely cause for concern. As president, would he be taking calls from the wife during important meetings with world leaders? How much influence would she have over his decision making? And what does that say about his spinal fortitude?
If, on the other hand, this is a method of damage control whereby his staff keep calling him to stop him from saying something potentially damaging, it is still in poor taste. It makes him look bad as per the first scenario above, it makes his staff look foolish (there have to be better ways to alert him, I would hope; a discrete earpiece would be less damaging, in my eyes, than blatantly taking a phone call), and it leads one to wonder just how strong his leadership abilities really are.
Either way, it reflects very poorly on his ability to lead this country.
Oct 3, 2007 - 9:47 am 18. Former "Short-Leash"ee:If it truly is his wife calling, shame on her. A woman who really wants her husband to succeed would NEVER call and interrupt a speech (*of course* she knows he’s giving a speech, unless she is so self-centered that she doesn’t know his schedule when he’s freakin’ *running for President*). There are two exceptions: She has just had a heart attack and is calling from the ambulance, or one of the children has just died. Even then, she would call one of his staff, who would then walk on stage and speak into his ear to tell him of the urgent call.
I used to be on a short leash. I cut it, after six years. It was humiliating to attempt to be taken seriously in business, only to come to my desk to find a rude note from my ex with a 6″ high, mean-looking “frowny face” in black Sharpie marker placed prominently in the middle of my desk. It was worse to be holding a meeting, and have it run a bit long, and have the ex standing outside the meeting room but in my line of sight, glaring and mouthing rude comments at me, and try to hold it together and finish the meeting properly. People begin to figure out that you have a tough situation, and try to help without directly acknowledging what is going on, but it’s still humiliating.
If she is the one calling him, someone should take away his phone, take away her phone, or handcuff her to a pipe until the speech is over. I want Giuliani to be President, if he’s the one nominated. If this is a real problem, it worries me.
Oct 3, 2007 - 11:21 am 19. Peg C.:No one when making a speech should ever have a cellphone on them that can ring. Period.
The fact that he answers is bad enough. The fact that she calls him while he’s speechifying is really bad. She sounds like a mentally unstable person grossly unfit to be First Lady.
This makes it sound like the rocks in her head fit the holes in his. Not good – he’s my fallback plan in case Fred doesn’t do it.
Oct 3, 2007 - 11:53 am 20. Adrian_in_Phoenix:I agree with Bernie & others that anyone making a speech at this level should hand the phone to an assistant if they can’t turn it off.
Oct 3, 2007 - 2:03 pm 21. NancyGee:If he needs help speaking correctly, then he needs an ear-piece and/or a teleprompter.
I have taken calls in meetings from my spouse, but my single syllable answer clued her in that I couldn’t talk and she usually hung up – if it truly was urgent, then I excused myself and went out of the meeting to talk. These were internal business meetings with co-workers. I have never interrupted a meeting with clients (the cell phone is locked in my desk or car), and wouldn’t dream of interrupting a meeting that was televised like this.
Rudy knows better – now he needs to start acting like he would expect anyone on his staff to act.
I simply do not believe that ANYthing is urgent enough that it cannot wait 20-30 minutes until you can get to a phone. Not even death. When 9/11 happened, an aide whispered in Bush’s ear and he finished what he was doing before he left to deal with the crisis.
I have been a Giuliani supporter but if this report is true, and this is ongoing behavior, he’s just lost my vote. It’s inexcusible, lazy, and selfish on both his and her part.
Oct 4, 2007 - 3:49 pm 22. Tennwriter:You’re going too far with this.
There are things that justify interrupting a speech. Real Life as compared to a Job, y’know. I remember one lady who told me I needed to work more at my job, didn’t need to spend so much time with my just-married wife. Funny thing is, she was on her third husband. I’m still years later on my first spouse, and I wonder if she’s on her fourth.
Would it be slicker to have an aide whisper in your ear….well, its considered to be so, but really, and truly? A quick cell-phone call is probably about as disruptive as a guy in a suit walking on to a stage and whispering. Its unconventional true, but conventions are meant to be molded to fit new realities. Dean Esmay is right.
Last, why would she be controlling? Hmmmm….perhaps because he’s been divorced multiple times, slept around, and proven himself a generally untrustworthy mate? He deserves controlling. He’s earned it.
Oct 6, 2007 - 9:02 am 23. Berneice:what is the big deal with taking a cell phone call in a restaurant?
The heightened annoyance may be related to the way the brain processes one-sided conversations. Our brains, expecting information to arrive from both sides of a conversation, have an innate tendency to fill in the blanks. Psychology Today It’s probably similar to the cocktail party effect. (see wiki article)
Similarly, drivers may be more apt to wreck their cars while talking on a cell phone than talking to someone seated in the passenger seat. The brain’s language processing may be engaged slightly differently. (Or, so I’ve been lead to believe.)
Oct 6, 2007 - 7:38 pm