The Strange Lives of Political Wives

Long hours, no credit, no pay, lots of criticism. Can you think of a worse job?

May 31, 2009 - by Melissa Clouthier
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Meg met and married her husband while he was an undergrad student at Harvard, where he had a reputation for being an “arch right-winger.” This is what the Harvard Crimson said of Wasinger:

Wasinger himself would never be mistaken for a member of any Nixonian silent majority.

“Rob thrives on confrontation, on the thrill of the fight,” says his friend Brown. “Rob likes to get it out there in print.”

Another friend, Thomas E. Woods ‘94, attests to Wasinger’s fame — or infamy — by saying, “I got my reputation as the guy who hangs around Rob Wasinger.”

The campus press has paid attention, as have the national media, drawn by his strident, eminently quotable rhetoric.

For example, Wasinger calls the pro-choice movement “a culture of death that seeks to destroy life at every conceivable opportunity.”

When I asked Meg if her husband still had that fire or if he’d mellowed, she said: “In a place like Harvard where it’s so ultra-liberal, the atmosphere at the time at college was very intense. He’s a little more tempered and more reserved in his old age.” It is clear, though, that her husband’s political activism started when they were both college students and she was aware of his ambitions.

We talked about women in politics and the mixed messages that are sent. Men, I noted, aren’t criticized for leaving their children behind as politicians, but women face a double standard. She said of Sarah Palin: “Some people are just called to do more. She clearly had a special calling. There are plenty of women who played important parts and that is where God wanted them to be. Sarah Palin had such a supportive husband. When you have older children, it is really a self-sustaining operation.”

Meg mentioned that she has always had something on the side to keep her active. While in Washington, D.C., she decided to get her real estate license. “I didn’t try to be something I wasn’t. Everyone knew I was a mother with a large family,” she said of showing homes with a baby on her hip.

When I asked her what would happen if her husband were to be knocked out of the primary race, she said: “It’s not even an option. We don’t have contingency plans. I just haven’t thought of it.”

We discussed how life would be should her husband win the congressional seat. She reflected on his schedule when he was Brownback’s chief of staff and said he would be “gone before the kids woke up and home after the kids got home” when the Senate was in session but they “haven’t really talked about the logistics” of how they’d handle daily life should he win the election. I noted that it’s a sacrifice and she said: “It’s no doubt service. There are definitely sacrifices that can be made.” She added: “It’s what Rob is really good at. It’s his gift so we’ll make it work.” And she wanted it to be known that her family is involved in politics and that they plan to campaign together as a family.

The Wasingers’ plan to campaign together reminded me of Sarah Palin’s 8-year-old daughter, all sweetness and innocence and sheltered from the venom being spewed about her family. Politics seems a little like being a Hollywood child actor — surreal, pressured, and scrutinized. It rarely seems to turn out well. And yet America needs the Sarah Palins of the world.

How will America survive if good people don’t run for office? When decent people forgo politics because they see how public servants are personally destroyed, there seems little incentive to jump into the shark-infested waters. Conservatives, especially, must worry about this. Over the last decade the press has shed any objective pretense and made it its mission to destroy conservative politicians, especially those who are most outspoken and idealistic. It gives rational people pause.

And so the political world may end up being inhabited by guys like Arlen Specter and Bill Clinton, self-serving miscreants who abuse their calling. They are bought and paid for by interests and are far removed from those who vote them into office. And behind these men stand women who facilitate their journey.

Jackie Kennedy could arguably be the most famous presidential wife. She had this to say: “Now, I think that I should have known that he was magic all along. I did know it — but I should have guessed that it would be too much to ask to grow old with and see our children grow up together. So now, he is a legend when he would have preferred to be a man.”

It seems that too many politicians would prefer to be legends rather than men. It is the rare person who can hold that power and hang on to his humanity. And behind that man — or legend as he may view himself — stands a woman. And that woman finds herself in the strange situation of building the legend while living with the man. It seems a most unenviable position.

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Dr. Melissa Clouthier is a chiropractor who blogs at MelissaClouthier.com and Right Wing News.

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11 Comments

1. bluecollarbytes:

How does Eliot Spitzer come off whining about ‘what he went through’? The guy should be known as the eternal-john. I look for him to replace his wife prior to some future resurrection in politics.

May 31, 2009 - 5:09 am 2. AThinkingPerson:

Putting Hillary Clinton and Dolly Madison into the same league is like putting Obama in the same sentence as honorable or patriotic. Two opposing terms.

I have no sympathy for political spouses unfortunately. They know what they’re getting into from the get go. I just wish they would use their public personas for more than just self promotion. Laura Bush was a wonderful example of a first wife who used her title for good works. Michelle Obama? Well, she certainly has nice arms and goes on a lot of tax payer paid date nights. I guess when your husbands best qualifications for the job of TOTUS is reading a teleprompter, you can’t be asked to have any better qualities either. Is it 2012 yet?

May 31, 2009 - 6:45 am 3. RAH:

A wife used to be an asset to an executive, who could make or break his career. Since her family and her personal fortune were tied to the husband success, she had an incentive to help him.

Dual job marriages have ruined that model. Married women often have their own careers that they will not allow to be subservient to the mans job.

Politicians need to have a wife that agrees her job outside the home is subservient to his.

Easier for Republicans who are more fundamental Christian and has already absorbed the idea that the women’s role is to be mother and helpmate. Her status is tied to her husbands. That is why it is so cruel when the husband publicly humiliates the wife like Bill Clinton or Edwards.

I am not surprised about this example. They come from a red state and the wife comes from a family that believes in large families that will sacrifice to help the father succeed in his chosen career.

May 31, 2009 - 6:56 am 4. Delia:

“The real housewives of DC”?

May 31, 2009 - 7:20 am 5. Sandy Cash:

Camille West, the “clown princess” of folk music, has a great song about this called “Candidate’s Wife Rag”:

“…Hail to the Chief
and the man who stands beside her
It’s tough but I can take it
after all I’ve seen him naked
But I’m still his biggest fan
stand by my man
when his rhetoric’s so thick
you need a knife
I can cut through it. I’m the candidate’s wife
You get four to eight, but I get life
It’s hard to be the candidate’s
I hope that you appreciate
that it’s hard to be the candidate’s wife”

Full lyrics at Camille’s site:
http://www.camille-west.com/camille_west_lyrics_candidate.htm

(Why? Because I’m a fan, that’s all!)

May 31, 2009 - 8:52 am 6. Dred Scott:

To paraphrase Ladybird, political wives know the deal. It is the children who have so say until they become adults, but then they usually benefit. It is not unreasonable to expect that for Obama’s girls, as with many political sons and daughters, the rest of their lives will be purple…

May 31, 2009 - 12:11 pm 7. heathermc:

I don’t think a politician can make it very far without an active supportive wife who is “really” a partner, and who knows the drill. Politics is rough. A successful politician has to have a wife/husband who will watch his/her back all the time. Like Todd Palin. Or Barbara Bush.

May 31, 2009 - 12:47 pm 8. AThinkingPerson:

Re #5 Delia: BRAVO just announced that they are coming out with that exact show. How funny can that possibly be?

May 31, 2009 - 4:11 pm 9. Federale:

This is just a case of Stalinist vs. Trotskyite. Or, as they said in Get Smart, My Kaos is purer than your Kaos.

May 31, 2009 - 5:41 pm 10. BPT:

Many First Ladies (not all) are control freaks and love the power. Michelle Obama is a classic case – a real photograph-loving broad.

May 31, 2009 - 7:08 pm 11. Praetorian:

“Long hours, no credit, no pay, lots of criticism.”

Shopping at Bergdorfs, plastic surgery, the little yoga girl that comes to the house three time a week, etc.

Can you think of a worse job?

Sounds pretty good to me.

May 31, 2009 - 10:19 pm

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