We Should Train Our Politicians Like We Train Our Dogs
Dogs and politicians need rules, boundaries, and limitations.
We get angry with politicians a lot.
They seem to behave erratically and often work against our interests. At times, it’s like they don’t even hear us. It’s frustrating. They just seem like bad politicians, running around trying to pass laws they haven’t even read. We get angry and want to yell at them, but that only makes things worse.
I think we need a new model for approaching politicians. My suggestion: Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer.
Cesar’s philosophy is that he rehabilitates dogs and trains people, because a dog’s behavior is really a reflection of its owner’s energy. In the same way, maybe there aren’t bad politicians, but instead, a politician’s behavior is a reflection of his voters. If voters learn to give off the right energy, then we can have calm, submissive, balanced politicians who do what they’re supposed to do.
See, with a dog, a person needs to be the pack leader so the dog knows whom it should follow. If no one acts like the leader, the dog will think it’s in charge and not listen to commands. Similarly, politicians need to be constantly reminded that the people are in charge. Otherwise, they’ll begin to think they’re in charge and not listen to people — and maybe even try to boss them around. So we all just need to learn how to show politicians that we are the pack leaders.
For example, a lot of people are trying to get different behaviors out of dogs and politicians by going to town hall meetings and yelling at them. Now, as Cesar would tell you, that is not a good strategy. While that might intimidate some of the more timid dogs and politicians, many of them will feed off that angry energy and only get more frantic, barking and calling everyone who disagrees with them racists and Klansmen.
Instead, we need to use calm, assertive energy to tell dogs and politicians what is expected of them. We need to say in a firm — but not angry — voice: “No.” Or: “Sir, you need to at least read the bill that would take over large sectors of the economy.”
The dogs and politicians will probably resist, so you’ll have to repeat this numerous times and remain calm yet forceful the whole time. It’s a challenge, but if you stick to calm, assertive behavior, eventually the dog or politician will realize who is in charge and relent.
As Cesar will tell you, dogs and politicians often act out because they don’t know what’s expected of them. To help with that, they need rules, boundaries, and limitations. For instance, our dog isn’t allowed in the kitchen. We make that clear to her by calmly making her leave any time she tries to enter. She constantly tests this since we just moved into a new house, but as long as we’re consistent, she will understand what her boundaries are.
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Frank J. Fleming writes political humor at IMAO.us and is beloved throughout the world.
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46 Comments
1. glenn:Funny column.
Sep 1, 2009 - 4:04 am 2. Whooeee:Can you imagine how much fun it would be to say, “Bad Obama” or “Bad Nancy” or “Bad Harry” as you’re rubbing their noses in the mess they made and whacking their rear ends with a copy of the New York Times newspaper..?
Sep 1, 2009 - 4:43 am 3. Whooeee:Forgot.
The downside.
Having to carry one of those little bag and scooper thing so you can walk your beast around the block in the morning before you have time to read the New York Times newspaper.
Sep 1, 2009 - 4:53 am 4. seansarto:And yet, let us be wary of an electorate which begins to resemble David Berkowitz….Politicians are those who always listen to the neighbor’s dog.
Sep 1, 2009 - 5:55 am 5. RRmike:I take exception to having my best friend lumped in with politicians, to paraphrase Mark Twain..” you can feed a dog and unlike a human he will not bite you as a reward”
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:28 am 6. Larry J:Giving money to a politician is like giving food to a stray dog. You just know it’ll be back the next day mooching for more. The article is good, but if that approach doesn’t change the politicans’ behavior, go old school and hit them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:50 am 7. BackwardsBoy:Two words: shock collars!
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:55 am 8. Mark:Would would PETA do with bad dogs that nobody wants?
It’s costs people way to much to house and feed these unwanted creatures. What would Ingrid do?
Sep 1, 2009 - 7:30 am 9. Mark:Correction… “What would PETA do…”
Sep 1, 2009 - 7:32 am 10. Reality Check:Frank -
Hysterical as usual – and like me, apparently you watch every episode.
By the way, remember that Cesar is not opposed to electronic collars for dogs and politicians who exhibit really dangerous behavior – like the Australian Shepherd who lost its eye trying to bite the tires of a moving truck. Or Barney Frank, who decided that Fannie Mae was just fine and didn’t need to adjust its lending practices.
Sep 1, 2009 - 8:50 am 11. Marie Claude:the problem is that most of the voters are calves
and that “dogs” herd them into what they are in use to, take them where they want to
then you’b better dress spanish bulls for corridas
Sep 1, 2009 - 8:51 am 12. Avitar:What would the lottery tickets cost for the duty of whacking the politicians on the nose with a rolled up newspaper?
Sep 1, 2009 - 10:03 am 13. Calvin Ball:The big problem is the “media” that get between the people and the politicians. Connectic’s people never get a true idea what Chirs Dodd is doing if they read the local newspapers.
Last weekend we had wall to wall reporting on Edward Kennedy’s life. Did anyone recognize the man’s life presented? I certianly did non recognized any part of the history I lived through.
What’s worse that chewing things up and leaving poopies all over is when Fido gets into Fluffy’s litter box, and has a snack of kitty roca. That’s a more accurate description of the current relationship between congress and the executive branch.
Sep 1, 2009 - 10:29 am 14. uncommon sense:If dogs are a reflection of there owners-I wonder what dogs do in moslem countries-turn into suicide bombers barking out jihaddi phrases? Or in commie countries-are there 13 doggies sharing the same bathroom? Are they all drinking too much vodka?
Sep 1, 2009 - 11:38 am 15. Scott:Does this mean we can “put them down” when they become rabid?
@ #14 – Muslims don’t like dogs, they are unclean, and thus generally don’t own them.
Sep 1, 2009 - 12:38 pm 16. Professor Guvinoff:Amusing analogy. Among all the possible parallels, my favorite is the short leash policy. What would it look like if such a concept was applied to congress?
1. Term limits (how many Ted Kennedys we need?) 3 terms for the house, 2 terms for the senate. What’s wrong with going back to private practice after public service?
2. Any bill longer than a New York Times column cannot go to vote.
3. Maximum session duration: 3 weeks.
4. Maximum number of sessions: 6 per year.
None of this is unduly canine. Frustrated carrier politicians would have to find some substitute, like stand-up comedy, for instance. Better than the other way around, methinks.
Sep 1, 2009 - 1:12 pm 17. vrytix:It’s unfair to dogs to be compared to politicians.
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:16 pm 18. evil-monger:In the wake of Charlie Rangel’s new-found wealth, we need a law that requires comprehensive and independent audits of all Congress members’ finances. Maybe something where the audits become more frequent the longer you’ve served in Congress (Sorry folks, we don’t trust you). Maybe this would act like a term limit, but either way these a-holes are in need of serious (and regular) rectal exams. I think the tea partiers can support this and I’m sure some enterprising member will be willing to sponsor the bill.
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:20 pm 19. Shelby:I like the general concept. The problem is, Cesar Milan is an idiot. He’s charismatic and highly talented at working with dogs individually, but his theories are an unexamined crock of dog-crap.
What actually works with dogs — positive reinforcement with instantaneous feedback, usually via clicker — might work very well with politicians. Even more than many dogs, they crave attention and (usually) praise. Learn to ignore bad behavior, but lavishly praise good, as quickly as possible. (Finally a use for Twitter!)
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:24 pm 20. Agim Zabeli:Brilliant.
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:30 pm 21. Arnold:Shelby:
Ignore bad behavior? I think that’s what got us into the mess we have now!
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:35 pm 22. Kathy:I vote for “shock collars”!
Sep 1, 2009 - 2:53 pm 23. BD57:Whooeee:
I do not even want to envision the width, breadth, depth and stench of “the mess they made.”
Bleecchhh.
Sep 1, 2009 - 3:04 pm 24. BC:Kathy — I’d prefer to give politicians electrical shocks to other portions of the anatomy, not the neck.
Sep 1, 2009 - 3:13 pm 25. Kent:Your puppy article has been linked by Glenn “Will it blend?” Reynolds.
Sep 1, 2009 - 3:25 pm 26. Choey:I think another of Caesar’s methods that especially applies to politicians is heading off improper behavior when the dog is just beginning to think of it. As an example, he was working with a dog that had a habit of snarling and lunging at passersby when he was being walked. Caesar didn’t wait until the dog was in mid lunge to correct him. He corrected him when the dog was just beginning to think about lunging which was manifested by a slight curling of the dog’s upper lip. IUf you wait until Obama is halfway out the door with your IRA in his pocket, it’s too late.
Sep 1, 2009 - 3:26 pm 27. Mongoose:I too take exception to grouping such a noble creature as a Dog with politicians.
Not just in loyalty, but also in intelligence, usefulness, beauty, temperament and intelligence, they far surpass our political classes. Dog make the world an altogether better place. This is as rare in a politician as morals.
i do, however, agree in shock collars. We should think of this as form of term limits.
Sep 1, 2009 - 3:28 pm 28. AdrianS:Obama, Congressmen and Senators all become aligned with the policies of the establishment after they are elected. If we could find some way to actually make them accountable; say make RECALL easier or force them to sign a CONTRACT of promises and make them responsible BY RECALLING them if they violate it.
The Obama administration is up to no good. Take for instance the following:
Definition of PANDEMIC:
Medicine Epidemic over a wide geographic area and affecting a large proportion of the population: pandemic influenza. (Dictionary.com)
Note: “Large proportion of the population”
May 21, 2009
Swine flu has sickened more than 11,000 people in 41 countries and killed 85, according to the World Health Organization, whose figures often trail those of individual countries. Mexico has reported 75 deaths, the U.S. 10, and one in both Canada and Costa Rica*.
Percentage of death in population:
Mexico = 75 / 111,211,789 x 100 = 0.000067 %.
USA = 10 / 307,285,000 x 100 = 0.0000033 %.
(Population figures form Wikipedia 2009 estimated USA and July 2009 estimated for Mexico)
THERE IS NO PANDEMIC AT ALL. WE ARE BEING LIED TO. AND WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF ALL THE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOSES OF VACCINES?
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103562909
*http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30865696/ns/health-swine_flu/
Sep 1, 2009 - 3:37 pm 29. comatus:You know, you’ve gotten an awfully long way into this subject without mentioning Michael Vick.
We’re dealing with people now who don’t keep politicians as pets. You train those differently.
Sep 1, 2009 - 4:34 pm 30. Marina:The idea to use Milan’s approach is great, but unfortunately we don’t have Milan’s means. If a dog is not submissive etc., wwcmd? – DISCIPLINE. And how can we discipline our polititians? We’ve elected them for the next 4 years, and WE CANNOT GET RID OF THEM until their legislation period is over. AND THEY KNOW IT! We need a good DISCIPLINE MECHANISM first. The possibility to get rid of a polititian before his “service” is done. That would be a REAL DEMOCRACY. Just imagine: Obama knows Americans can “vote him away” if he’ll insist on his Cuban health care. Would he even try? …
We need a reform, all over the West, that will allow us to IMMEDIATELY stop a polititian that doesn’t act in our interests. MG, imagine the poor Israelis had this option during the second Lebanon war, when Olmert virtually screwed them, but neither Knesset protests, nor the street ones could force the b(ad guy) to resign.
And such a reform will definitely solve the problem of the election promises. Who will dare to promise something unreacheble if we can “vote him away” for not keeping the promise?
But for now we can only envy those pussy dog owners that can be trained and CAN, if they have guts, be pack leaders. Although we still can dream. Imagine we could say: “No bones for you tonight, Nancy!”, “No porn channels for a week, Barney!”, “No Zionist bashing for 4 years, Barack!”. Yummy.
Sep 1, 2009 - 4:55 pm 31. 4 of 7:“Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed beauty without vanity, strength without insolence, courage without ferocity, and all the virtues of Man, without his vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning flattery if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just tribute to the memory of Boatswain, a dog.”
Sep 1, 2009 - 5:51 pm 32. ic:- Lord Byron, Inscription on the monument of a Newfoundland dog (1808).
… like our cats.
Cats are untrainable, so are the politicians. Cats are useless, so are the politicians. Cats are bossy, so are the politicians. Cats preen, so do politicians.
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:00 pm 33. Eric:“Dogs and politicians need rules, boundaries, and limitations.”
They have those, you can find them in the Constitution. We just need to demand that they READ IT AND THEN FOLLOW IT.
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:01 pm 34. AdrianS:Congressman Recall Amendment
We need to resurrect this to deal with the bank bailout bill supporters
http://patrick.net/housing/contrib/recall.html
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:04 pm 35. Burt:I understand that Neutering is the humane thing to do, but will it make them more manageable?
Sep 1, 2009 - 6:27 pm 36. Calvin Ball:When a cat does it, it’s hygiene. When a politician does it, it’s vanity.
Sep 1, 2009 - 7:05 pm 37. Mary H.:Shelby, you are right on target.
Modern dog training (using positive reinforcement, clicker training, and the science of operant conditioning) has moved on past the rough, aggressive (and often dangerous) techniques of Millan.
There are much better ways to train a dog, here’s a good article exposing some of the reasons why Millan’s techniques shouldn’t be used:
http://stalecheerios.com/blog/2009/02/dog-whispering/
cheers,
Mary
Sep 1, 2009 - 9:07 pm 38. Richard of Oregon:What I’d like to know is how he gets his dog to quit licking himself – at least in public. Also, would that technique also work on politicans?
Sep 2, 2009 - 9:08 am 39. Brother J:Are we saying that a rolled up Wall Street Journal is out as a disciplinary tool then? I wouldn’t use that on a dog, of course, but I wouldn’t have any particular compunction about it where the pols are concerned.
Sep 2, 2009 - 11:15 am 40. Nelson Lee Walker:The best answer to this question and any other question is to throw all of Congress OUT!
The only infallible, unstoppable, guaranteed way to get a truly new Congress is : NEVER REELECT ANY INCUMBENT! AND DO IT EVERY ELECTION!
Most folks think I am too unreasonable in asking everyone to NEVER REELECT ANYONE IN CONGRESS. They think it’s an ‘extremist’ position. But that’s the whole point! Congress will never listen to us UNLESS we scare the bejesus out of them! To drive the point home, NEVER REELECT ANYONE IN CONGRESS, AND DO IT EVERY ELECTION!
The closer we get to a “Voter’s One-Term Congress”, the closer we’ll get to a “Citizen’s Congress”.
There is only one way to make this happen : The American voter must IMPOSE term limits on Congress by NEVER REELECTING ANYONE IN CONGRESS, AND DO IT EVERY ELECTION! In other words, don’t let anyone serve more than one term. That’s the only way to teach them that the voter is the boss! The “one term limit” can be eased AFTER citizens get control of Congress.
Congress will never allow us to constitutionally term limit them by an amendment. Our only choice is to NEVER REELECT them. All of them!
Remember too, it makes no difference who you vote for, as long as it is NEVER any incumbent.
I believe that even a little success in a campaign to NEVER REELECT ANYONE IN CONGRESS would move us a long way toward a revolutionary change in American politics, much like 1776. Some of the reasons in favor of this approach:
• It gives us a one-term, term limited Congress without using amendments
• It would be supported by 70% of the country who want term limits for Congress
• It is completely non-partisan
• If repeated, it ends career politicians dominating Congress
• It opens the way to a “citizen Congress”
• It ends the seniority system that keeps freshmen powerless
• It doesn’t cost you any money. But you MUST vote! Just don’t vote for an incumbent
• It is the only guaranteed, infallible, unstoppable way to “Throw ALL the Bums Out”
• It takes effect immediately the day after Election Day
• If it doesn’t work, do it again and again! It will work eventually, I promise.
NEVER REELECT ANYONE IN CONGRESS. AND DO IT EVERY ELECTION!
Nelson Lee Walker of tenurecorrupts.com Saratoga, CA
Sep 2, 2009 - 2:15 pm 41. alex:“They have those, you can find them in the Constitution. We just need to demand that they READ IT AND THEN FOLLOW IT”.
The constitution is a set of restrictions placed upon Govt, which must be enforced by the governed. the old adage that rules are meant to be broken applies best to our Government, where legal counsel to commit circumvention of the Constitution has become a growth industry.
#40 Nelson Lee Walker has it right; throw them out each election, but also rid the established lobbying and infrastructure that supports the nonsense. 95% of government are appointed to their position.
Sep 2, 2009 - 7:20 pm 42. Paul -Indiana:Where can I buy a congressional qualified shock collar?
Sep 3, 2009 - 8:35 am 43. JMD:Funny and insightful article. Our government has left a mess in the middle of the living room carpet one too many times (actually about 100 times too many). It’s time to rub their noses in it and start disciplining them. We can start by voting them into time-out next election day.
Sep 3, 2009 - 11:43 am 44. CJ Anderson:As a practioner of “Cesar’s Way” I actually have found a way to incoporate his solutions behond the dog/human into human/human relationships.
There ARE ways beyond the most basic Cesarisms previously mentioned. First is the ruthless willingness to examine self patterns that contribute to the problem, followed by the unbeding committment to change those patterns that contribute to the problem into those that support the ongoing solution.
The willingness to expand knowledge and skill of what works for the contexct and the “breed” being worked with. The “breed” of city vs county vs state vs federal are different types of animals which require different human skill sets to be effective with! (In the same manner that working with a beagle is different then a collie is different then a jack russel).
While I could go on with more examples, I will instead just finish with the continued analogy, that one MUST be prepared to take as MUCH time as it takes to get the desired change, having a completely focus of intention of the desired outcome, not responding to behaviors that are not part of the solution change. The biggest mistake with dogs or humans, is that most people make “token efforts” (5 minutes then I have to move on. The Titanic could not turn on a dime and neither can (or will) the feds. On the other hand, my City of Phoenix has developed an email system to notify their residents when the State of Az is going to cut funds to cities out of their own lack of williness to suck it up and make necessary changes internally. (Az State really prefers other weaker entities to suffer then suffer itself in my expierience – g). We can move much faster and be responded to quickly locally.
Frank, I have no contact nor influence at the federal level but by heaven, I am helping to make change at the local grassroots level that one day, (and even this summer)sweeps through Washington like a tidal wave, moving aside the most inflexable to make room for return to new beginnings and new choices. Thank you for an outstanding article.
Sep 7, 2009 - 11:28 am 45. commonsense247:Whooeee: Actually, I’d be using the Washington Times, American Spectator, Politico, or Pajamas Media to swat their behinds, while using the NYT to pick up their messes and mark their ’spot’ for relieving themselves.
Sep 13, 2009 - 3:27 pm 46. Dan Miller:The dog who prepared a greeting for Moammar Khadafy when he arrived at the Libyan Mission in New York set a good example.
Sep 20, 2009 - 11:39 am