A Chilling Tale of the Future
A classified memo from the year 2020 mysteriously time-warps into the hands of Pajamas Media.
Date: December 1, 2020
From: The Office of the National Security Advisor, Atlantic Union of America
To: President-General Rice
Re: Recent discoveries requiring your immediate attention.
EYES ONLY
The following document — charred and incomplete — was found by Dixie spies in the burned wreckage of an “insane asylum” near Gorky. The New Soviets, just like the old ones, frequently declare political prisoners insane, then lock them up and keep them medicated. In other words, there’s at least some chance what you’re about to read is genuine.
Our people hacked into Dixie’s computers from the new Unified Intelligence Agency Infowar Center outside of Philadelphia to get the copy you hold in your hands, Madam President-General. Should they be awarded the usual e-medals, classified?
Vladimir Putin denies any knowledge of the “asylum” bombing. His spokesman from the Office of the Novosoviet Minister for Sport and Recreation called it “an act of God.” Of course, his spokesman said the same thing when the Novosoviet Duma enacted the Enabling Legislation making the Minister for Sport and Recreation the de facto ruler of the entire NUSSR. Just as Putin had done for his previous positions as Deputy Assistant Foreign Minister, Director of Mines and Forestry, Dean of Admissions at the Moscow Technical Institute, Prime Minister, and President.
The document purports to have been written by Professor Igor Panarin, perhaps around the time of your inaugural in 2017 or earlier. Back in the late Naughts, Panarin was known to us as a Russian expert in infowar. This was several years before the Crackup, Holocaust II, and the various Arab and Asian unifications.
Our forensic experts have been unable to establish whether the document is genuine, or yet more misdirection from our enemies in Dixie, Mexico, the Iranians (or their Shia Arab State proxies), or the NUSSR-Middle Kingdom Axis. But the UIA Director thinks it would be wise to at least treat it as genuine, if only for the time being. The implications are serious enough that, with your permission, I’ll ask our allied agencies in the California Republic and Lesser Japan to look into the matter from their ends. Given the extreme pressure they’re already facing from the Middle Kingdom on the Himalayan Front, the Indopakis would probably refuse any requests for assistance. If you’ll take another look at the NSA briefing from 10/5/20, you’ll see that the situation is bleak for the Indopaki Confederation, and we don’t expect the government to last through the winter.
Here is what we have from the remains of the document. It appears to be a running commentary on the momentous events of the last 12 years.
***
[Introduction and parts of first paragraph missing]
…my own efforts at misdirection have at this early date already been revealed. Revelation was of course built in to the norms of the plan, and was in fact integral to the greater plan. “Misdirection by perceived ignorance of facts on the ground” was my own elegant phrase. That subtext was captured perfectly by an interview I did with Izvestia in November of 2008, then broadcast around the world by our stooges in the media. This technique was first fully tested against Georgia, and as time went on, our useful idiots continued to grow in numbers and strength.
On the whole, however, the Stealth Campaign seems to be working as established by the normative plans, and the correlation of virtual forces is at this time distinctly in our favor.
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Stephen Green writes, broadcasts, and enjoys the occasional lovely adult beverage at the home he shares with his wife and son in Monument, Colorado.
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20 Comments
1. Jonesy55:What’s the point of this hypothetical fantasising?
I’m never going to get back the five minutes of my life I wasted reading this
Dec 2, 2008 - 3:16 am 2. section9:This was almost as bad as a Melanie Phillips column in its screaming alarmism. Harry Turtledove could have written a better scenario, however.
Dec 2, 2008 - 4:27 am 3. Ten:Zoom. Right over Jonesy55’s head.
Dec 2, 2008 - 4:50 am 4. Peter the Sub Guy:The point, Jonesy, is to see what might be coming and perhaps do something about it. Or would you rather live in a world like the one described?
Dec 2, 2008 - 5:18 am 5. Rockmelon:How infantile.
It’s like saying that I robbed a bank and I want to email my partner as to where he hid the gun. So I write and say:
Dear Archie Franks, When we robbed the Southwestern Bank on 1st and Hillen Streets we employed the use of a gun. Since we didn’t want the gun to implicate us we decided to hide it. Where did you hid it? Was it thrown from the bridge at Hatchie Creek or did you bury it under your trash cans in the back yard at your home on 123 Elm Street? I am anxious for your reply. Your friend, Leon Winter
I agree with Jonesy55. I too regret having read and responded to this drivil.
Dec 2, 2008 - 5:18 am 6. Laura:If you all want to read something really disturbing about the future, check this out:
http://www.dansimmons.com/news/message/2006_04.htm
Dec 2, 2008 - 6:16 am 7. Ursa Major:Thanks, Jonesy55, you are bang on. This is nonsense. And not very well written.
Dec 2, 2008 - 6:33 am 8. Mike T:I’m surprised that you didn’t throw in a reborn Byzantine Empire and a return of “Aztec culture” in Mexico while you were at it…
Russia is no threat to us at this point. Their population is dwindling, their economy is far deeper in the crapper than ours and their military actually had to struggle a little bit to defeat a tiny country.
Dec 2, 2008 - 7:04 am 9. Stephen Green:Some days are just plain fun.
A quick lesson in silliness:
1. Sarcasm is saying something in such a way as to let everyone know you don’t mean it.
2. Decent satire is saying something in such a way as to make people wonder if you might mean it.
3. Great satire makes you wonder if *you* might agree with what is being said.
I was aiming for #2. Whether I hit the mark is in the eye of the beholder.
I would have thought that the gags about Putin’s various offices (running an empire as “Dean of Admissions”? Really?) would have been a big enough clue as to my intended silliness. But maybe not.
In any case, my main goal was to poke fun at the deluded rantings of the nutty Russian professor, Igor Panarin. That I wrote it in the most paranoid style, I thought, just made it all the more… Russian.
Look. This country survived 9/11, the Cold War, WWII, the Great Depression, and the Civil War. Putin’s decrepit and depopulating shadow-of-a-former-empire is hardly going to be the end of us.
Dec 2, 2008 - 8:38 am 10. Stephen Green:Mike –
Had I thought of the Aztec thing, I for sure would have used it! I’ll file that away for next time…
Dec 2, 2008 - 8:40 am 11. Bob:Hey, maybe it’s even darker. You credit President Obama with a “tried to spend his way ou of the predictable Depression”. But if the destruction of America is the goal and he’s in cahoots with our ememies, we should all buy Spam.
Dec 2, 2008 - 9:17 am 12. always right:When I hear fairminded people wishing the new president success I think–doing what exactly?
First I admit I will be the last person to ‘defend’ chicomms. But the devious side of me kept thinking IF I were Putin,….
On the surface, I will have the puppet president make nice with Ahmed (Iran) and Chavez (Venezuela), serving the purpose of red herrings.
The real objectives will be two prongs - (1) Covert actions will make certain Americans and Chinese are mad at each other. Any incident (on either side) will be blamed instantly on the other side per American-Spanish war model, i.e., making America/china the logical scapegoat; (2) Increase the russian strangle hold on europe to expand the empire.
Chicomms’ eagerness to be the next super power and their eventual need to find a foreign scapegoat play into my (Putin) hand perfectly.
Dec 2, 2008 - 9:20 am 13. Mike T:Stephen,
What can I say? That’s one of the many value-add services I bring wherever I go.
It’s just hard to appreciate satire that makes Russia look like a real villain when in 12 years they’ll be like an old man dying of cancer at the rate things are looking.
Dec 2, 2008 - 9:48 am 14. The Historian:BIG MEDIA: DISGRACED, DISCREDITED & DEAD
The heyday of electronic and print big biased media is over. The baton has been passed to the likes of PAJAMAS, making the future much more promising:
http://greensrealworld.blogspot.com/2008/12/web-authentic-news-opinion.html
Dec 2, 2008 - 10:01 am 15. Vodkapundit » The End of America?:[...] by Stephen Green on 02 Dec 2008 at 01:00 pm Sometimes my satire comes across as a little too [...]
Dec 2, 2008 - 12:00 pm 16. Rubicon:The posibilities of the future, good or bad, are endless. Lets hope we can survive & prosper. As for the various factions acting against each other due to cyber warfare, its already happening. Not to the extent we see in this satire, but its happening all the same. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to have grown old enough & died before this mess comes to being!
Dec 2, 2008 - 1:42 pm 17. narciso:Russia is more likely to be carved out between an Islamic caliphate, rising out of theCaucasus,
Dec 2, 2008 - 5:36 pm 18. Pat J:and China annexing the western region. Russia and China, have intricate banking systems, that make our present predicament look transparent by comparison.It might more properly be addressed to the Okhonitsa, as they know her in back in Russia, dealing with such a collapse of two major regimes. You basically ripped off David Aikman’s dystopian tale and moved it into the future.
I’m offended by the term “Indo-paki.” Paki is a racist slur.
Dec 3, 2008 - 1:28 pm 19. urbanleftbehind:Stephen:
Is DIXIE the land of Johnny Reb or Farrakhan’s 5% solution in this yarn?
Dec 3, 2008 - 2:36 pm 20. Dalnod:Most amusing, but probably not nearly “screaming” enough in the Alarmism Department. The year 2020 will see a remade world I imagine.
Jonesy55, if you spent more time reading, you might learn to spell gooder.
Dec 4, 2008 - 8:58 am