Teens Drink, ‘Cool’ Parents Pay the Price
A growing number of parents are facing criminal charges for knowingly serving alcohol to children at parties.
On June 14, Nassau County, Long Island police responded to several 911 calls about an out-of-control party. When they arrived, they found about 200 teenagers, most of them drinking alcohol in plain view of police. One girl was too drunk to stand after consuming six shots of vodka.
What makes this different from most teenage drinking parties is the mother of the party hosts — twin 17-year-olds — was home at the time and providing alcohol to the partygoers, most of whom were minors. What makes it really different is that she was held accountable for her actions. The mother, Shanta Subdhan, was charged with violating Nassau County’s social host law which makes it a criminal offense for an adult to knowingly allow minors to consume alcohol in their home.
As the school year ends and teenagers’ thoughts turn to prom night and graduation parties, we parents have to make some hard decisions. Last week, my daughter — an 18 -year-old high school senior — was going over her prom weekend plans with me. One option included a Friday night party at a friend’s house. The parents would be home, I was assured. And then my daughter, knowing that my trust in her hinges on her honesty, explained that the parents would be providing beer and possibly liquor for the kids. I told her to make other plans.
I wondered what made these parents think that they have the right to serve underage children alcohol. I don’t care what they do with their own children; if they want to play beer pong as a family bonding experience, that’s not my concern. My concern is that they have taken it upon themselves to serve alcohol to minors not their own; teens who will be driving to the party and who don’t quite grasp the meaning of “drink responsibly.” Not only is that illegal, but it takes a certain amount of arrogance to think you have the right to determine that it is acceptable for someone else’s child to get drunk in your home — with your permission.
In 2007, Nassau County, Long Island enacted their Social Host law in order to combat the actions of folks like Shanta Subdhan, who — in an attempt to be the “cool” parents — forget their responsibility as adults.
Adults who allow underage drinking in their homes can now be held criminally responsible under the “social host” law signed today by Nassau County Executive Thomas R. Suozzi. Homeowners and renters aged 18 and older can be punished under the law, which carries a $250 fine for a first offense and $500 for a second. A third offense is punishable by a $1,000 fine, plus possible jail time.
There are a few factors at play here in addition to the legality of providing alcohol to minors. When you invite your children’s friends into your house, you become responsible for them. Letting them do something — something illegal — that their parents don’t want them to do is, simply, wrong. It’s not a matter of “kids will be kids.” Nor is serving alcohol justified just because you say you will take their car keys away. There’s so much that can happen with drunk teenagers. Even if you think you can prevent them from driving drunk, you are still left with the prospect of alcohol poisoning, sexual activity, and a myriad of other troubles teens can get into when they are given a little leeway. Rites of passage? Perhaps. But when these things happen to other people’s children on your property, you are responsible for their actions and the aftermath of their actions. Why take that responsibility upon yourself? Do parents who serve alcohol to these kids ever think of the what ifs?
Take this couple from Connecticut for example:
In Portland, police responded to a complaint of an underage party at a private home on prom night this year and discovered about 60 underage partygoers, many of whom were in possession of alcohol. The adults at the residence cited concern about their son’s safety as the main reason for hosting the party.
What about the safety of every other child at that party? What about the parents who were concerned about their own children and sent them off to an adult supervised party, thinking they would be safe?
Unlawful social hosting is a crime in 24 states and can result in civil lawsuits against hosts in 33 states. While experts say these types of laws are hard to enforce and prosecute, they are being put to use:
A West Warwick woman was arrested and charged with a violation of the “social host “law for permitting the consumption of alcohol by underage persons in her residence. Denise Daudelin, 57 of 42 Spencer St., was charged in connection with a party in which at least 11 persons under the age of 21 were drinking. The arrest comes as part of the investigation into the accident that killed Louisa Avila on Quaker Lane on March 20. It was determined that the 17-year-old driver of the car that hit Avila’s vehicle had been drinking earlier in the evening at a party at Daudelin’s home.
A Schenectady, New York woman was arrested last month on 22 counts “unlawfully dealing with a child” after she provided several cases of beer to underage drinkers.
A 45 year old woman was the first to be arrested under Nassau County’s social host law when she provided alcohol to her 18-year-old son and friends, and the party resulted in the police having to break up a fight.
I don’t feel sorry for any of those who have been dragged through the courts on social host charges. You break the law, you deal with the consequences if you get caught. Giving alcohol to someone else’s child, regardless of whether or not they were going to drive, is not only illegal, but a completely irresponsible thing to do. You can make a thousand arguments about lowering the drinking age and the ability of 18 year olds to drink responsibly, but the point is the law is the law. You can not legally serve someone under 21 years of age alcohol.
Way before I had children, back when I thought I knew everything, I always said I was going to be the “cool” mom and not be as strict as my own folks. But I found out real quick that being the “cool” parent often means not being a good parent.
I can’t control what my kids do when they are not at home, but I can make sure I lay the groundwork for them to know what responsible behavior is by setting an example in our house, starting with respecting the law and respecting the wishes of parents who do not want their children drinking outside their own homes.
I can educate my children and set rules and regulations for them, but we all know that when teenagers are in a group setting, especially one where they feel they are given permission by trusted grownups to break the law and their parents’ rules, they face a conflict that most teens don’t have the maturity, will, or self confidence to take the right side. A trusted grown up luring them with the prospect of a cold beer or shot of liquor and all their friends partaking is all it will take for a teen to join the crowd. They face enough peer pressure from their own friends; it’s not right for a friend’s mother or father to entice them to break the rules and possibly put themselves — and others if they are driving — in danger.
I’m not usually one to go for nanny state laws, where you let the state dictate the accountability and personal responsibility you should have on your own. But I think it’s a good law in this case.
Not only can it save an unsuspecting parent from a heartbreaking phone call at 3am, but it will keep irresponsible parents from compromising the safety of other people’s children.
Michele Catalano lives, writes, and takes photographs on Long Island.
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57 Comments
1. » Teens Drink, “Cool” Parents Pay the Price A Teens: What The World Is Saying About A Teens:[...] Drink, “Cool” Parents Pay the Price Posted in June 18th, 2008 by in Uncategorized Teens Drink, “Cool” Parents Pay the Price A growing number of parents are facing criminal charges for knowingly serving alcohol to children [...]
Jun 18, 2008 - 1:44 am 2. Sheila:Parents who provide alcohol to minors are not “cool”. They’re jerks. Pure and simple.
Congratulations to Michele for raising such an honest daughter who is respectful of her parents’ feelings and authority. I think the next step is an anonymous tip off to the police on the night of the party.
Jun 18, 2008 - 4:20 am 3. Ciscokid:Another fact adults need to take into consideration is there’s alcoholics out there who’ve never taken a drink – yet. Buying booze for your kid and their friends is insane.
Jun 18, 2008 - 5:30 am 4. MikeT:Good points, but one question remains. Why can a 17 year old go into the military with a parent’s permission, but not have a beer?
Jun 18, 2008 - 6:21 am 5. HardHeadedWoman:Very true Cisco. And it is a fact that most alcoholics begin drinking alcoholically when they are in high school.
Jun 18, 2008 - 6:26 am 6. Hazel Stone:Unfrickinbelievable. I would dearly love to know what goes through these (alleged) adults heads when they agree to provide alcohol to their kids. “Better at home than on the street” maybe? How sadmirable. How about teaching them they can actually have a good time without being physically wasted? Nah, too hard.
MikeT: I see this argument All The Time, and maybe you can tell me how those things are remotely equivalent?
Jun 18, 2008 - 6:34 am 7. politicalreacharound:When will the US learn that forbidden fruit is the most tempting? The only way to successfully fight underage drinking and drug use is to lower demand. Teaching kids early about alcohol and being honest with them about the acceptance of safe moderate drinking is the way to curtail the rebellious binge drinking. In regards to the situation the author’s daughter was in, I would say I feel more comfortable allowing my 18 year-old to go to an adult supervised prom after-party with alcohol than think about what they will be no doubt be doing three months later on college campuses.
Jun 18, 2008 - 6:46 am 8. The Line is Here » Blog Archive » Conversations:[...] of TLIH, Michele Catalano, has another article up at PJ, on adults providing minors with alcohol and the inevitable legal/judicial ramifications. In the [...]
Jun 18, 2008 - 7:00 am 9. doppelganglander:Mike T.: The key phrase there is “with their [own] parents’ permission.” Michele’s point concerns adults giving alcohol to other people’s children. It is not their place to undermine the values those parents are trying to teach their own kids. For the record, I have served my own underage kids small amounts of alcohol at home on special occasions, such as Christmas, but I never served their friends.
Jun 18, 2008 - 7:32 am 10. don:We live in France and our kids have had wine and beer at lunch and dinner since they wanted to drink.Everyone in France drinks at a young age and we dont have any more alcoholics than you do.We also live longer due to wine comsumption.Americans are crazy you can go kill people at 17 but have to wait 4 more years to have a drink.Makes no since to me at all.
Jun 18, 2008 - 7:50 am 11. deguello:What’s everyone so worried about?The sooner young adults get hooked on alcohol, or other illegal drugs, the sooner, they can accept the idea of being hooked on legal drugs such as antidepressants, as anodynes for 30 years of cubicle wage slavery.Think of it as as post 60,s version of bread and circuses, legitimated by the boomer plutocracy. You don’t rebel at the constant outrages of american society, because you are too high to get angry!
Jun 18, 2008 - 7:51 am 12. Ciscokid:HardHeadedWoman. Very good point also. Being a divorced father I regret to say – lived it, witnessed it but never bought the T-shirt. My eldest son’s mother bought booze for him, he smuggled to a “supposedly” adult supervised party in high school. Kids are smart. They waited for the adult to go to bed before breaking out the booze. He’s lucky to be alive twice now. He drank over 20 shots of tequila “in a quick time contest” (mother bought it “personally” for him along with a twelve pack of beer) before blacking out and passing out on a sofa. Lucky he was on his stomach when he puked. Actually it was lucky he did puke. Fast forward to college and he fell two stories off a balcony drunk out of his mind. He was knocked out cold & lucky to be alive. So to all those parents for whatever reason, think they’re being cool or my kid would never do that better think again. You don’t know anything what kids will do “given the opportunity” no matter how smart you think they are. I counseled him till I was blue in the face and also lead by example on drinking responsibly. His Mom had other Idea’s. God looks after drunks, idiots & children may be true but I don’t advise testing it.
Jun 18, 2008 - 8:18 am 13. Hazel Stone:Another extremely boring topic:
“When will the US learn that forbidden fruit is the most tempting?”
“Americans are crazy you can go kill people at 17 but have to wait 4 more years to have a drink.”
We’re all so very evil and stupid, you know.
Jun 18, 2008 - 8:41 am 14. njcommuter:Using alcohol responsibly is a learned skill. It would seem much easier to learn it at home than to be cast out into a world full of amateurs who are apt to boast about how much they can drink.
Jun 18, 2008 - 9:19 am 15. Sheila:nj commuter – again you miss the point of the article. If a parent wants to teach their OWN children to be responsible by breaking the law and drinking underage, so be it. You cant do anything.
Jun 18, 2008 - 9:35 am 16. Timmer:However, if an adult takes it upon themselves to serve someone else’s child alcohol – not only is that illegal, but it is also encroaching on that child’s parents’ right to raise their own child in the manner which they see fit.
It’s amazing at what I thought was cool when I was young. One of the Moms of one of my friends in high school had a wine and cheese party in their home, for high school kids! And I mean 14-18 year olds. The Mom, a very hippie-ish lady even for the 70s, also joined in on spin the bottle and “5 minutes in heavan” and was making out with some of us guys. At the time, very cool. Now…just plain creepy.
I’m going to be a “bad” father. I’ll let my son go to parties at other homes, and I plan on dropping in on every one of them.
Jun 18, 2008 - 10:33 am 17. Iggy:She’s a repeat offender when it comes to seriously endangering the safety of children, and all she’s getting is a misdemeanor charge and a barely-there fine?
Yeah, that’ll teach her…
Jun 18, 2008 - 11:52 am 18. MikeT:It’s not very hard. You would trust a 18 year old to go into battle, killing people and breaking things in a role that may affect US foreign policy, but you won’t let them have a beer. It requires an extreme cognitive dissonance to believe that a 18 year old can serve with honor and distinction in a war, an act that requires a significant amount of maturity, but cannot handle alcohol.
Jun 18, 2008 - 11:56 am 19. MikeT:doppelganglander,
I don’t think they should be able to undermine other parents’ rules either. What I was getting at is what business is it of anyone’s if the parents hosting the party actually do have the permission of the other teens’ parents? Furthermore, in many states it’s not legal for parents to give their own kids alcohol. If that constitutes child abuse, then so does allowing fat kids eat dessert.
Jun 18, 2008 - 11:58 am 20. michele:What I was getting at is what business is it of anyone’s if the parents hosting the party actually do have the permission of the other teens’ parents?
But where is anyone saying that’s what is going on? And it IS the business of the police, because last I looked, serving alcohol to minors was illegal. You are missing the entire point of this article, Mike.
Iggy, when she appeared before the judge, she was offered no deal/plea by the DA. She’ll be back for sentencing next week and I hear that the judge is going to give her the max of what he can.
While she may be a repeat offender in the broad scope of things, under the charges she faces now, this is her first time. Letter of the law and all. But you can bet she’ll be back again. The son also has a juvie record, by the way.
Jun 18, 2008 - 1:05 pm 21. LT Nixon:From the “Social Host” law link:
“Underage drinking is a national health epidemic, not a ‘rite of passage,’” said Presiding Officer Judy Jacobs (D-Woodbury). “Social host legislation holds those who allow underage drinking accountable.”
How many laws are going to be passed “in the name of children” that intrude into the private lives of citizens. I have some beer in the fridge and the front door is unlocked. I guess some teenagers could break in, drink my 5 remaining MGDs, and be *gasp* drunk! I guess that makes me the John Wayne Gacy of the neighborhood.
Jun 18, 2008 - 1:11 pm 22. michele:Way to take it all out of context, LT Nixon. We’re talking about adults willingly serving alcohol to minors that are NOT their own children. Who are they to determine if someone else’s kid is allowed to get drunk? The key word there is “allow” = which means your analogy falls flat. The kids would be charged with B&E and you would NOT be held responsible under the social host law because you didn’t offer them the beer. Try again, Nixon.
Jun 18, 2008 - 1:45 pm 23. Hazel Stone:>>You would trust a 18 year old to go into battle, killing people and breaking things in a role that may affect US foreign policy, but you won’t let them have a beer. It requires an extreme cognitive dissonance to believe that a 18 year old can serve with honor and distinction in a war, an act that requires a significant amount of maturity, but cannot handle alcohol.
Ok, your original point was 17 year olds IN GENERAL could be trusted to be both recruits and bar patrons, and that is not even remotely what you are now saying in your second comment.
Yes, those serving should be served, I agree with that. Those who are, by the simple passage of time, 17 or 18 years old, rate no such concession.
Jun 18, 2008 - 2:53 pm 24. deguello:Old enough to fight; old enough to drink,PUNTO!
Jun 18, 2008 - 3:21 pm 25. michele:deguello:
Allow me to quote from Hazel Stone in a discussion on this article on her website.
“the missing piece of the argument there…TRAINING. It’s not like we take kids, slap guns in their hands and tell them to go be cannon fodder.”
Drinking and war are not equivalent. And, like others here, you are missing the point of this article.
Jun 18, 2008 - 3:43 pm 26. Richard Wallace:While I completely agree that the legal age to drink should be the same or younger than the allowable age to drive, vote, join the military, and so on; it’s completely beside the point. This article was about the law as it currently stands, and some parents breaking the law. If you only obey the laws you agree with, well, good luck with that.
I wonder how “cool” a parent would feel if one of his/her guests killed someone else’s child driving home from the party. Or maybe just got someone else’s child pregnant.
Jun 18, 2008 - 5:42 pm 27. Gregory:Having had alcohol in my system ever since I was 13 (communion wine, anyone? Shandy?), allow me to put my 2 cents into this conversation.
Malaysian law stipulates that it is illegal to SELL or otherwise provide for a PRICE alcohol to any Muslim or minor (18 years and below, iirc). But nothing much is said about minors DRINKING alcohol. Similar to Singapore’s chewing gum law, actually; you can use it, but you can’t buy it, not in the country, anyway. The status of shandy I’m not sure of, but I believe due to its low alcohol content nobody gives a rip.
Irresponsible consumption of alcohol is a bad thing. If it’s illegal to drink as a minor in the USA, then the right thing to do would be to push for a change in the law, not to help enable minors to break the law.
Having said that, the ideal situation would be for the parents agreeing to serve alcohol in a regulated and controlled manner. Let everyone know beers and wines and chillers/alcopops will be provided, but strictly limited and not to designated drivers, and supervised.
The actual problem (setting aside the legal issue, that is) seems to be the fact that these parents are not acting as chaperones, stopping people when they’ve had too much. Consider that the role of parents is to set limits for children, gradually loosening them as said children become more mature (note, I make no mention of age because this is not a reliable indicator) and more able to set their own limits. To simply let them loose is indeed irresponsible.
At the end of the day, though, throw the books at these particular idiot parents. They were not fulfilling their duties. Plus, if it’s true that it’s illegal, which I personally find rather odd, then they were not only stupid enough to get caught, they were stupid enough not to realise the consequences of their actions.
Jun 18, 2008 - 6:49 pm 28. michele:Gregory, the type of parent who serves alcohol to minors at parties is not the type of parent who is going to “babysit” every kid at the party and make sure they are drinking a prescribed minimum.
Maybe we should just teach our children that you can have a good time at a party without getting drunk.
Jun 18, 2008 - 7:15 pm 29. Sean:Most of you are missing the point. What right do YOU have to tell ME how to raise my child? Anyone that supports this law is in effect telling me how to raise my child. Don’t talk about a parent serving another’s child, until you are willing to say YOU have done the EXACT same thing by helping these laws pass and supporting them. If you don’t want to teach your child responsible behaviour, that is fine, but don’t force me to follow YOUR rules with MY children. I’ll respect your views when you respect mine.
Jun 19, 2008 - 7:43 am 30. michele:Sean, I think it’s you that missed the point. No one is telling you how to raise your child. They are telling you to not give alcohol to their underage children. I really don’t give a crap what you do with your children, I just don’t want you giving my teens liquor when they are in your home.
You missed this one by a long mile, Sean. Did you even read the article or the link that explains the law?
Jun 19, 2008 - 9:03 am 31. Luke:Michele, that’s just not true.
In my younger years (between the ages of 18 and 21) I attended chaperoned parties where alcohol was provided in a responcible and supervised fashion.
Of course the unsupervised and irresponcible parties were always a lot more fun, but that’s neither here nor there.
Maybe we should just stop freaking out about “the demon rum”. We should have gotten that particular piece of paranoia out of our systems the better part of a century ago.
If a person is old enough to be considered an adult for all other purposes, they’re old enough to have a beer.
Jun 19, 2008 - 9:07 am 32. deguello:Yes, the law says otherwise. But we all know what the law can be. Illegal does not automatically equal immoral.
It’s not like alcohol can somehow be made unattainable. Assuming they’ve passed basic Biology and Chemistry in High School, they know everything needed to brew beer and distil spirits.
Michelle: it’s not a question of training; it’s a question of responsibility.Why are kids considered mature enough to kill and get killed,and to vote and serve in juries,yet when those same kids want to drink,tjhey are suddenly considered irresponsible? As for the hysterical Hazel Stone: is she implying we should teach drinking in the schools? It’s a great idea why not give
Jun 19, 2008 - 9:38 am 33. Dave in Texas:courses in wine appeciation,and mixology;it would make an refreshing change from the pc drivel of most high school courses.The law is not god, it is usually a farcical human creation concted by pandering sleazy politicians to buy the votes of the hysterical.bad laws should be broken.
Serve alcohol to my underage child. You’ll think the cops and judges are fluffy bunnies after meeting me.
Jun 19, 2008 - 11:46 am 34. Hazel Stone:Nice leap of “logic” there, deguello. Take one too many to the brainpan in Boot?
Jun 19, 2008 - 4:33 pm 35. Hangtown Bob:Why did our lawmakers need to pass a new law, the “Social Host” law??
Jun 19, 2008 - 4:37 pm 36. seeker:Whatever was wrong with “Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor” ?
What’s the topic guys?
Illegal, unsupervised, social hosting.
That’s very dangerous as it normally leads to troubles. And there is negative externality there in the neighborhood.
The discussion does not include wines and alcohol being served as part of the meal.
Why muddle the discussion with 17 year old going to military? That’s totally out of line.
Jun 19, 2008 - 7:10 pm 37. Gregory:Michele;
Yes, you can have a good time at the party without getting drunk. Or falling in bed with anyone. Or bumping and grinding. In fact, you can have an incredible amount of fun just playing the word game Taboo. Or even Bible Study. A whole bunch of us at a campout (about 60-odd, I’d say) spent the whole night around the campfire doing nothing but charades and singing contemporary Christian songs. It was incredibly fun. No doubt about that.
But please don’t equate ‘drinking alcohol’ with ‘getting drunk’. And please have due care with your generalisations. Should I serve alcohol to minors (and currently it’s legal where I am), you bet I’d be ensuring that they don’t have complete and utter access to my whole collection of fermented beverages. You bet I’d be strictly monitoring things. And you can be sure I’d ensure they drink to a prescribed MAXIMUM. And no more. And if they didn’t want to drink, that would just fine.
Which is why I said to throw the books at these particular parents in these particular cases – because they did not fulfill their duties as parents.
Dave in Texas – without your permission, I won’t. Maybe half a glass of wine or some shandy, but that would be it. And probably not even that – what if your kid’s allergic or something?
BTW, don’t you find it strange that kids have ’sex education’ but not ‘alcohol education’ or ‘firearms education’? I woulda thought (for guys, anyways) the urge to drink or blow stuff up is at least as strong as the urge to screw. And if they’re leaving it to the parents to edumacate them young’uns this way, why not about sex as well?
I think it would be awesome if schools had compulsory courses on alcohol appreciation and firearms training. In the proper context, of course.
Jun 19, 2008 - 7:17 pm 38. michele:Gregory, most schools do have some form of alcohol awareness program, unfortunately, it comes in the form of D.A.R.E., is started way too early and barely touches on alcohol, as the program wants to hammer home the point that DRUGS ARE BAD, even things your parents might use like coffee and cigarettes and wine are DRUGS. Or, some schools have MADD programs where the emphasis is not so much on “don’t drink” but just, don’t get in the car after you drink.
Yes, that’s another tangent, but I have little use for either program. And I do believe that education about sex, drugs and alcohol should come from the parents.
Obviously, that doesn’t always happen. A woman who gives liquor to 200 teenagers is not educating her kids – or the kids at the party – in anything but irresponsibility.
Jun 20, 2008 - 2:37 am 39. links for 2008-06-20 « Force Majeure Farm:[...] Teens Drink, ‘Cool’ Parents Pay the Price Because you’re supposed to be a parent, not a “friend.” (tags: fmfb) [...]
Jun 20, 2008 - 6:32 am 40. Dave in Texas:Gregory, you don’t have my permission. Call 911 and me.
Otherwise, like I said. You won’t like me much.
Jun 20, 2008 - 10:40 am 41. deguello:No leaps involved Hazel dear, just exposing the puritanical stupidity of your arguments.No wonder they named a common antiseptic /disinfectant after you;(for those who are unfamiliar with the product, the name rhymes with “bitch, and contains alcohol.People drank it in desperation during prohibition and got very ill,which is what will happen if you read too much of the other hazel.
Jun 20, 2008 - 1:38 pm 42. deguello:Dave: I don’t advocate serving liquor to anyone who is underage,However, I’m not going to get upset when 18 year olds decide they can drink.No one should obey a stupid law,it only encourage corrupt politicians to pander to the stupid.
Jun 20, 2008 - 2:22 pm 43. Alsadius:This is exactly why I hate alcohol laws that most places have on the books. They’re relics of the Prohibition, and most of them are fundamentally stupid and out of touch with reality. The simple fact is, teenagers drink, and they do it a lot. I have only ever met one person who cared about what the legal age was when he started drinking(well, after the age of 15 or so), and he is probably the most uptight, overwrought guy I know. Everybody else I have any knowledge of the drinking habits of either started underage or hasn’t had a drink even after becoming legal. Drinking age laws are a farce at the best of times.
As for hosting parties with alcohol, would you prefer to have parents there when these kids start drinking or to have parents not there? I’d agree that it’d be rather disconcerting if the parents are feeding booze to like 12 year olds, but when the kids are 17 or 18(or, for some ungodly reason, 20 and still illegal) it’s not an issue to anyone with half a brain. An 18 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to have a couple beers, so long as society doesn’t repress alcohol knowledge to the point where they don’t realize that it’s unwise to have 20 on your first time out.
As for the bit about the law being the law, it is, and these parents are technically committing a crime. That doesn’t change the fact that they’re not in the wrong – the law and morality often differ strikingly. My sympathy doesn’t go away because these parents are being tried for an unjust law, my disdain for said unjust law merely increases.
And the line about what happens when you give teens “a little leeway” is paternalism of the worst sort. I know just as many adults who get wasted, engage in sexual activity(gasp!), and get into myriad problems of other varieties when you give them leeway as well. It doesn’t mean that they need to be kept on a short leash, it means that we need to acknowledge the fundamental nature of the right to be an idiot – without that one, all the rest just exist with somebody else’s permission.
Jun 20, 2008 - 9:35 pm 44. George:Why the hell don’t they enforce the law properly? Why wasn’t that mother charged with 200 counts of serving alcohol to minors, in addition to the virtually worthless Host law? 5 years in prison would set an example.
Jun 21, 2008 - 10:13 am 45. George:Not to mention the implications that there are another 200 sets of bad parents that should also be charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor…
Jun 21, 2008 - 10:15 am 46. SGT Ted:The problem is our neo-prohibitionist legal/moral culture is that the more restrictive laws get, the less chance kids have to be socilaised to responsible alcohol consuption by adults. Instead, they socilise with their peers, which leads to all sorts of problems, like the explosion of binge drinking deaths on Colleges because the young adluts had no preparation. The drinking age needs to be lowered back down to 18, as it was during the Vietnam war. 21 is not some magical number. Parents also need to take the lead in teaching and modeling responsible alcohol consuption to their kids. I grew up around adults who held cocktail parties and even mixed drinks for the adults, long before I even liked booze. The prohibitionist attitude needs a changin.
Jun 21, 2008 - 11:21 am 47. George:I don’t let parents off the hook so easily by thinking our ‘culture’ has weakened parent’s ability to take charge of their children. Irregardless of where society is now or where it is going, this should be looked at exactly as we look at any drug dealer’s actions. In many ways this is worse as a heroin addict knows what they are getting into when buying from a dealer. The children are being purposefully and criminally lead to believe that this is appropriate behavior by an adult. There is no reason why this should be downplayed without legal action against the parents that allowed illegal activities such as this to go on. The ‘host’ mother should be charged as the criminal that she is. No exceptions. Laws were clearly broken, enforce them.
Jun 21, 2008 - 11:45 am 48. George:This goes WAY beyond parenting issues. This woman enticed children to come to her home for illegal activities. The slap on the wrist ‘hosting’ law is a pile of crap. Socialite parents in the neighborhood will just make an effort to not get busted at the next party. If ‘Shanta down the block’ gets something appropriate, say 3 years in a state penitentiary and a $50,000 fine, the idea to bring children into your home to illegally serve them drugs is over in that neighborhood. What would happen if a bar owner brought over 100 teenagers into a bar and served them? Again this is worse, as being a neighborhood parent somehow makes this OK versus a drinking establishment doing it. Its actually a very dastardly and somewhat evil decision abuse children this way.
Jun 21, 2008 - 11:54 am 49. sixfingers:Teenagers are going to drink.
Jun 21, 2008 - 8:52 pm 50. Jacknut:I would rather have the teens at my house than out on the street driving drunk.
How many teens are killed each year from driving drunk?
Think people think
My parents were the coolest parents in school. My friends used to visit them even after I moved away. Why? Because it was crystal clear they were parents and we were the kids and that line was never to be crossed.
Jun 23, 2008 - 11:35 am 51. Desire`:My son was at a house where the “adult” (a pediatrician) allows minors to drink and drug. She claims it is to keep them “safe.” He left the party with two other teenagers. Luckily, he dropped them off before he drove off the road and hit a tree. He died May 8, 2008, a day before his 18th birthday. He had a blood alcohol of .17, which matched his age. I do not drink nor do I allow my kids to drink. The doctor still thinks it is ok to let kids party at her house…
Jul 5, 2008 - 2:53 pm 52. Theresa:I think that Desire’s post should put an end to the insane defense of parents who provide alcohol to minors. Bad things can happen and they do! My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, Desire. May your beautiful boy rest in peace.
Jul 15, 2008 - 8:43 am 53. Zach:why should a law decided my life? its my life, i have every right to do with it as i please, age shouldnt have to decide maturity level.
Jul 23, 2008 - 8:01 pm 54. Pajamas Media » Old Enough to Fight, Old Enough to Drink:[...] be on this issue, perhaps I am more opinionated than I previously thought. Some of my earlier PJM articles touched on teen drinking, and I was called out for having a prurient attitude about alcohol. [...]
Aug 26, 2008 - 2:13 am 55. John:To all the Parents in America!
Sep 18, 2008 - 9:57 am 56. k-dogg:Teach your teenage children’s how to drink alcohol responsibly. Most college students in the USA do not know how to drink alcohol responsibly, either do the soldiers stationed overseas!
You send your teenage children’s in harm’s way by letting them have a drivers license, while driving education is not even mandatory in the good old USA. What about sending your teenage children’s into warzones! You trust them with all that and much more. But you won’t trust them with a Beer? Folks wake up and do your homework.
k, well im a 16 and ill tell you all now that no matter what my parents or any other adults tell me, im still gunna end up drinking at some partyor trying to score with some drunk chick. The funny part is that my rents have no idea what i do on weekend nights and i just have to say that im sleeping over at some friends house and ive bought me a night.Anyways i guess wat im trying to say is that teens are gunno get alchy, so you may as well let them because at least then their supervised.and when other parents supervise their teens party, even if they dont let alchy in, somehow itll get in.
Sep 22, 2008 - 10:46 pm 57. Darcy:OMG I am a teen and know that parents who throw underage parties for their teens are just lazy and dont want to take the time to discipline their kids and teach them that it is wrong to drink. Parents who throw parties are giving their kids and kids friends the right to act careless and irresponsible. just dumb!
Nov 9, 2009 - 10:33 am