Contact: Department of Public Information, Office of the Secretary-General

The UN Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) today announces the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element is named ‘World Governmentium.’

World Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 211 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 299.

These 299 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since World Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

The presence of a minute amount of World Governmentium causes a typical reaction to take months to complete that would normally take less than a second.

World Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years. During its half-life, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. Each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. In this manner, World Governmentium actually increases in mass during its half-life.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that World Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as ‘Critical Morass.’

The Tower at the end of East 42nd Street is the first known concentration of Critical Morass.