In the midst of my unshakable preoccupation with Hell, I suddenly found myself flung back into the Garden of Earthly Delights, where for six full hours I experienced holiness right here on earth. Time stood still, time no longer existed: a small, sure sign of eternity.
Ambassadors from many universes all came together to celebrate a peaceable, celestial, wedding. I felt as if we were participating in an episode of Star Wars–except we were not actors and the gathering was both real and yet beyond reality. So many different kinds of people were there. Jews, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, pagans, and atheists, feminists and traditionalists, leftists, and rightists, gay and straight, and people with no overriding view of the events of the day whatsoever.
Very religious Jews rejoiced together with Jews whose practices are different than their own. This is uncommon, miraculous. The fiercest of atheists lovingly participated in the most traditional of religious rituals. People partied together whose ancestors hailed from Yemen, Israel, Italy, Turkey, Afghanistan, Russia, Romania, Poland, France, England, Ireland, Sweden, Belgium, Spain–and that’s just off the top of my head.
If only all humanity could do likewise, what a lovely world it might be. At least there would be more heavenly oases amidst Hell.
Last night, my beloved son Ariel married his beloved soul-mate Shannon, (”Shanie”) a woman whom he has known and treasured for exactly nine years. They alone planned each detail of this celebration. They chose the rabbi, Dr. Judith Hauptman, who just happens to be the first woman professor of Talmud at the Jewish Theological Seminary. (Trust me: This is a Big Deal). They expanded the traditional seven blessings to be recited under the chuppah (or weddding canopy) into nine blessings. Cantor Sam Levine of the East Midwood Jewish Center chanted the blessings in Hebrew which were also said aloud in English by carefully chosen others. Ariel and Shannon chose the kosher caterer, (Fusion), the location, (Bridgewaters at the South Street Seaport with a view of the water and the ever-amazing Brooklyn Bridge), the music, photographer, flowers–and they created the most interesting invitation in the form of a video.
The Ring Ceremony
There he was, the tiny being whom I gave birth to only yesterday, standing tall in a tuxedo, suspenders, and scull-cap, every inch a man, a husband, and a loving son. There she stood, the love of his life, beautiful in a carefully structured “princess style” white strapless dress with an elaborate and graceful mermaid-back. The two of them glowed, they were incandescent, their joy radiated through all who assembled there. We responded, or rather we vibrated Love! Happiness! Pleasure!
The Bride and Groom’s First Dance
Many miracles took place. Family members who had only recently refused to break bread together danced with each other. Nine year old boys with whom Ariel used to play had become grown men who now towered over me. Both Ariel and Shannon became the archetypal Bride and Groom; they were larger or other than merely themselves and as such, managed to magically expand their love for each other to include us all. They were young and yet mature, wise beyond their days.
My ex-husband, Ariel’s father, has not spoken to me for at least fifteen years, maybe longer than that. Thus, as I stood there trying to figure out how I could greet him and his extended Israeli family–suddenly, as if they composed a delegation, they were upon me; all together, they had formally come to wish me Mazal Tov! I kissed each one: him, his wife, their two children, his mother, Ariel’s grandmother, his sister (Ariel’s aunt) and her husband, his wife’s sister and her husband.
Later, I walked Ariel’s eighty-seven year old grandmother, Sarah, (whom I have always adored) from table to table to introduce her to some of my friends. I knew she was related to my Rabbi’s wife, who is also my dear friend Chai Shmidman. They both trace their roots back to the Bal Shem Tov, the founder of Jewish mysticism. I stood and beamed as they worked it all out.
By the end of the evening, I had spoken to my ex-husband four times. Ariel has no memory of our ever having interacted with each other outside of a courtroom. Thus, Ariel smiled and grinned and finally pronounced that this was “crazy,” meaning “far out”, good, unbelievable. At the end, on his own, Ariel’s father came over and formally kissed me goodbye. I returned the kiss.
Together, finally, we were pronouncing that what we two had created with God’s help was really, really good.
It is traditional when Jewish parents marry off their youngest child (in my case, my youngest child is also my oldest child) that they sit in the center of a circle with a garland of flowers on their heads and receive flowers from all their dancing and singing guests. Pearl Berkowsky, Shannon’s sweet, kind, and beautiful mother, arranged this. The ritual is called “The Mazinka”. Therefore, together with Pearl and her husband, Shannon’s father Harvey, I sat in the center of just such a circle, beaming like a five-year old at her birthday party–or so a friend described me. I wore the wreath of baby’s breath until bed-time and was so reluctant to remove it. It was so fragrant, it smelled like eternal springtime and I was reluctant to return to life at a less elevated level.
The Mazinka
There is so much more to tell but I will stop now. I want to congratulate and thank the newlyweds. What a gift they gave to us all. It will sustain me forever.
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20 Comments
Fausta:What a beautiful wedding, and how proud must Ariel be of Mom!
Nov 26, 2007 - 6:14 pm Dean Draznin:Dearest Phyllis,
Nov 26, 2007 - 6:20 pm Fern Sidman:Mazel Tov! What an incredible event it must have been. Your joy, captured in words and photos, is infectious. May we all catch that bug. “What the world needs now is love sweet love.” I’m sure love is the solution, and your blog glowingly supports that idea. It’s the starting point, hopefully the mid-point and gratefully the end-point of our existence. May you continue to bask in it for the rest of your very long life, Baruch HaShem! Love, /Dean
MAZEL TOV on the wedding of your son !! The should both be zoche to build a Bayis Ne-eman B’Yisroel and may the continue to be great source of nachas to you, Phyllis, to their entire families, friends and all humanity.
They may build a lovely family together and may Hashem watch over them until 120.
Nov 26, 2007 - 6:25 pm Helene Aylon:Phyllis,
Nov 26, 2007 - 7:02 pm Rivka Haut:What a glowing report you bestow in your incredible way of describing events.
This one is full of promise. A newborn.
I could feel the aura, the scent of Baby’s Breath.
And it is only the beginning…
Helene Aylon
Phyllis, you have described the wedding perfectly. As a wedding guest, I was overwhelmed by the amazing spirit that fell over us all - people inhabiting vastly different worlds somehow laughed, chatted, and danced together, as one, united by simcha, by joy. Everyone under that roof felt connected to everyone else. This is very much a tribute to you, Phyllis, and to your wonderful son.
Nov 26, 2007 - 7:11 pm David Thomson:The evening was magical. May their life together be long and full of blessing.
Rivka Haut
May God bless your family. I hope your son and his wife live long and happy lives—and provide you with many wonderful grandchildren.
Nov 26, 2007 - 7:18 pm Debbie:Blessings to everyone. What a wonderful time for you and your beautiful family.
Nov 26, 2007 - 9:40 pm Norman Simms:Congratulations, Phyllis. Mazel tov to you and your expanding family. The whole ceremony sounds wonderful, and Martha and I send our love to all of you.
Nov 27, 2007 - 12:51 am Joan Roth:Phyllis:
We clearly see now… a whole new world of possibility ahead of us … through the hearts and celebrations of Ariel & Shannon, two pure and beautiful souls, becoming one. The world’s newest, brightest couple. Our shining stars, whose exemplary honoring of parents and tender relationship to Ariel’s deserving mother is recognized by all of us as the validation of a meaningful life … and its fruits.
The energy of the evening surely belonged to the enchanting couple, but the reflection remains yours Phyllis. For Ariel is the loveliest of men and Shannon a truly special woman. The worlds these two together are enjoining, creating and have already created for themselves, complete with an incredible marriage ceremony for all of us to witness and fabulous wedding party to enjoy, while basking in the glow of this young duo and their dreamy, elegant presence is, also, a tribute to you Phyllis. To all that you stood and standup for; for the fulfillment of your children’s lives represents a new dawn of hope; the light Ariel & Shannon radiate, is the world the way you (we all) wish it to be — it is precisely the world you have been and are putting your life on the line for. God bless us all to participate in such continuous glorious occasions. Thank you Phyllis, Ariel and Shannon for inviting us to share this precious moment with you. Lenny and I had the BEST time being a part of all your lifetimes wildly dancing by; merging into one singular, spectacular force — into a perfect dream come true! One that we all pray (no matter our religion) will bring forth everlasting peace!
Nov 27, 2007 - 2:49 am LARRY MASS:Yet another milestone achievement in the life of a legend -that’s you, Phyllis, even though the wedding was first and foremost their milestone. Yet even amidst such joy and pride, such is the extent and achievement of terrorism that a little part of me reflexively cringed at seeing all these Jews together happy and celebrating. Reflexively, I wanted you all to hide to be safe, but just for a moment… Many and warmest Congratulations to you all on this achievement of lifetimes.
Nov 27, 2007 - 7:47 am Steve:Congratulations, Dr. Chesler!!
Nov 27, 2007 - 9:39 am marlene springer:What a wonderful blessing for you and your family. I offer my prayers for their success in their life together. May the Lord G-d Eternal bless them forever.
-Steve
Phyllis–what a wonderful description of what was undoubtedly a beautiful event- I cried when I read it–congratulations to all of you–marlene
Nov 27, 2007 - 10:24 am Greenconsciousness:Yes it was a beautiful description and I was crying with happiness for you - I especially liked those baby breath wreaths and the ritual for the parents,….I dwelt on the beauty of it with a sense of satisfaction…. until as a single woman I thought, my mother would never be honored in the Jewish faith. The parent gets the praise when all the kids are married - when the “youngest” marries presumes they marry in order, which is another tradition of arranged marriages. The parents have done the job right. The single state is not an option that gets the seal of approval.
Yet, still. I am happy for you - I am glad your child wanted to honor you - I am glad all the Xs made peace for a day of peace - I am glad you had a day of love all around you. I am so happy people cherish you. I am glad they did that ritual to acknowledge you all are a good parents, produced children to be contributers to society.
Here is my wreath of flowers for you. It is invisible and hovers over you wherever you go. It is for everything you have created in your life including your books of liberation.
Nov 27, 2007 - 12:35 pm Nancy Azara:Hi Phyllis
Nov 27, 2007 - 9:18 pm Marilyn Safir:It was such a special evening,the love of Ariel and Shannon presenting such radiant energy. It was one of the most beautiful weddings that I have ever been to.
Congratulations.
Nancy
Mazal Tov all the Best to Ariel and Shannon and to you the MOther of the Groom!! LOve marilyn
Nov 28, 2007 - 7:31 am Ariel Chesler:How lucky Shannon and I are to have someone so important to us write such a beautiful description of our wedding. As always, mom, your words on the page (or screen) are the most wonderful gift we could receive.
I agree with your take on the event. It was so magical that so many different people came together to celebrate in the name of love…and it should give us all hope for the future. After all your worrying about the world it was so satisfying to see you filled with joy and dancing!!!
I recall theorizing at college how the world would be different (and much less violent) if more men could say “I love you” to one another. I think that we at least made some movement in that direction on Sunday.
For many years Shannon and I did not feel that we had to publicly validate what we knew we felt for each other. However, we have now learned that weddings can be amazing…they bring people together to celebrate love…and what could be better than that. We also learned that it feels great to give others immense joy, and that such joy can, as you say, sustain us forever.
Finally, I realized that what we are talking about has already been said best by the Baal Shem Tov, from whom I descend. He wrote:
From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
I pray that the light emanating from Shannon and myself, and all others in love, leads us to a world of peace.
Nov 28, 2007 - 10:17 am debra solomon:It was about here that my eyes welled with tears-
“Family members who had only recently refused to break bread together danced with each other.”
Ariel’s & Shanies’s joyful wedding and the blossoming reconciliation is so beautifully described thank-you for sharing this wonderful occasion, we can only hope that others in the world can reach out , beyond the past to share a common love and create a Garden of Earthly Delights.
Nov 28, 2007 - 11:07 am Miriam Greenspan:I am so delighted to hear of this beautiful marriage of Ariel and Shannon. Mazal Tov to you Phyllis and to the newlyweds! What a blessing to be able to celebrate a shining love with a ‘rainbow’ of people. May the blessing expand in the days and years to come.
Nov 28, 2007 - 11:46 am Rahel:Phyllis, how beautiful. Mazal tov with all my heart.
Nov 29, 2007 - 5:15 am Eachel Eynan-Shargal:Dearest Phyllis, Ariel and Shannon,
Nov 30, 2007 - 10:29 pmYou desreve every and each drop of this heavenly joy.
Love,
Rachel