Cassandra lives. No, I am not talking about the ancient Trojan prophet whose visions went unheeded and whom the Greek conquerors enslaved. This is another kind of Cassandra. Her visions of danger and doom concern what happens when an American woman marries an Arab and Muslim man. Cassandra herself was once married to an Arab Christian and, based on that experience has, so far, written two books: Escape from an Arab Marriage. Horror Stories of Women Who Fled From Abusive Muslims Husbands (2006) and Thirty Three Secrets Arab Men Never Tell American Women (2008). In the first book, she tells the stories of many American women who married Arab Muslim men and what happened to them.
The stories are gripping, terrifying, highly dramatic–and depressingly similar. At first, the men are utterly charming, generous, solicitous of their American girlfriend’s every need. After they are married to American citizens and can claim their own citizenship, they revert to form: Almost overnight, they become cruel, condescending, physically abusive, suspicious, insanely controlling, unfaithful, deceptive, and highly secretive. Look, she is not writing about the happy marriages; as her title suggests, she is writing about “abusive Muslim Husbands.” The need to balance everything out, to allow every point of view, will prove our undoing.
These are men who do not support their wives but expect their wives to support themselves, the household, and the children, even while they are pregnant or ill. And then, things always take a turn for the worse. This behavior accurately describes the family life of double honor murderer, Yasir Said, of Dallas, Texas. I have written about this case for PJM many times. See HERE and HERE for example.
Here’s what’s worse. These spoiled and pampered sons kidnap their American children, which forces their American wives to live in dangerous and unfriendly Muslim countries and households, (often with first or subsequent wives), and that’s if they’re lucky. Just as often, the American mothers may simply never see their children again. The American government, Embassies, and Consulates do not help such American citizen-hostages to return home. Once an American woman marries a foreign national, she and her children are no longer entitled to any American citizenship rights.
I know this is true because some of this also happened to me. Read HERE and HERE.
Custody of the children automatically belongs to the father and to his family. And the Arab and Muslim families routinely abuse the children just as they abuse their own children–only more so, because these are American children whose mothers are (unacceptably) Christian. And yes, Christians are hated and persecuted in Muslim countries. This is the truth, unpalatable as it might be.
In addition, according to Cassandra, recently, some members of Al Qaeda and of other terrorist groups have specifically come to America to gain American citizenship through marriage, create terror cells, brainwash their own American citizen children into jihad and recruit other Americans to Islamist jihad. Adam Gadahn of Oregon was apparently recruited this way by Hisham Diab, Sarrah Olsen’s Saudi husband. Olsen started calling the FBI in 1992, after her terrorist husband hosted the blind Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman (who is now in jail for having plotted against the World Trade Center), and Khalil Deck, who was arrested in Jordan while planning to blow up the U.S. Embassy.
The FBI did not take Olsen’s information seriously.
I can just hear the politically correct reader saying: C’mon, this can’t be true of every single Arab and Muslim man. Isn’t it unacceptably racist/colonialist to think this way? Isn’t this a form of intellectual profiling that leads directly to Abu Graib and Guantanamo? Doesn’t this play right into the allegedly fascist hands of American Homeland Security and Immigration Department racism?
Well yes, it could–but what if each and every story is true? What if what we in the West have finally begun to consider crimes (wife- and child-beating, incest, paternal non-payment of child support, child kidnapping, polygamous marriages arranged against a child’s will), are still normalized behaviors in the Muslim world? What if the truth itself is shameful and therefore offensive? Do we refuse to tell the truth? Refuse to hear it?
Many people do just that. And then there are the glorious, high-profile exceptions: Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Ali Alyami, Bat Ye’or, Andrew Bostom, Nonie Darwish, Dr. Rachel Ehrenfeld, Bassam Eid, Tareq Hegy, Ibn Warraq, Aaron Klein, Nancy Kobrin, Matthias Kunzel, Robert Spencer, Mark Steyn, Wafa Sultan. Although some on this honor roll are Muslims, ex-Muslims, and “people of color,” they too have been accused of “racism” and “reactionary conservatism” for daring to tell the truth about jihad, Islam/Islamism.
Yes, the stories are strong, horrifying, and therefore border on “offensive,” but they are also true stories. Cassandra is not a scholar. She is passionate and personal. The stories she tells are real page-turners. Some of the praise for her books borders on the fanatically patriotic and is slightly vulgar and hysterical. But authors are not responsible for their admirers. In any event, such a tone is still decibels below its Arab and Muslim propaganda counterparts. Although I flinch when reading it, perhaps such loudness may eventually serve the cause.
Cassandra has chosen to self-publish (XLibris) because she needs to remain anonymous and wants to control the editorial content. Cassandra urgently wants to warn naive American women away from marriage to Arab and Muslim men. I beg everyone to read the stories and make up their own minds. In a recent email to me, she writes:
“In a nutshell, what I want to do next is to be instrumental in turning the tide against Muslim terrorists and help eradicate their agenda forever in the U.S. and then the rest of the world.”
A worthy and difficult goal.
I will be writing about this again. And, let me recommend two other books which are due out much later this year. Dr. Nancy Kobrin’s book The Sheikh’s New Clothes: The Naked Truth About Islamic Suicide Terrorism and Nonie Darwish’s new book about women living under Shari’a law Cruel and Usual Punishment: The Terrifying Global Implications of Sharia Law. They are fitting Cassandra-like companions.
Will contemporary Westerners pay attention to these new Cassandras or will they refuse to listen to them until we have been conquered?
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58 Comments
1. Nancy Kobrin, Ph.D.:First off I wish to publicly thank you Phyllis for all your ongoing support of my forthcoming book and work. What Cassandra has to say is a crystallization of what we see and know about domestic violence. I draw this parallel not because you don’t know this but most especially because you know this and have limited space to address this. We in the West do not want to “go there” because it is pervasive bad behavior which perpetrators and abusers get away with every day while for the abused and victimized denial slowly melts away into a surreal sense of reality. Bravo that you have written about Cassandra’s work and kudos to her for taking the matter up. No one single woman or man can do it all to expose such appalling and crazy-making – lethal behavior. But it is the key factor in the war on terrorism – one that demands understanding.
Jun 20, 2008 - 12:00 pm 2. tarek Heggy.:This brilliant article sheds light on one of the most backward cultures on earth today, i.e. the Arab culture with regard to “women rights and women status”. It is so sad that most of the Arab societies intellectuals do not pay any attention to this black facet of the Arab culture. Where on earth the main demand of the feminine movement is to convince the government (of Saudi Arabia) to allow women to drive cars !!! Tarek Heggy.
Jun 20, 2008 - 1:08 pm 3. Nabil Ahmad:If Muslim men were such lousy husbands, Islam would have collapsed a long time ago.
I’ve heard of Arab/Muslim men being bad husbands towards their wives who happen to be white American women.
Now what percentage of these marriages turns out to be as bad as you describe? I happen to be a lifelong Muslim (but not an Arab) who got married while I was in my 30s, to a Muslim woman from the same country as that of my parents and only a few years younger than I am (she was around 30 at the time).
Truth be told, too many people nowadays get married for all the wrong reasons and don’t think things through (“I’ll change him/her for the better”, “I’ll get the Green Card and then be free”, “I’ll convert him/her to a Muslim/Christian later”, “he/she’s so hot!”). Marriage is a binding, legal contract in the eyes of God and the state that is supposed to be the equivalent of a lifelong commitment based on the desire of mutual love, sacrifice, support and honor and the desire to procreate and support a family, through good times as well as bad times. If either the husband or the wife is not willing to follow through on the requirements of a marriage, then he/she should not have gotten married in the first place. I see a correlation between the abuse that certain Arab/Muslim men subject their wives/children to and the 50% divorce rate in this country between all married couples in general.
And as far as “honor killing” is concerned, I found nothing in the Qur’an that supports it. On the contrary, there are passages in the Qur’an that gives a severe warning against slandering innocent women with regard to their honor. A simple accusation of adultery against a woman without being able to back it up with witnesses and/or evidence in itself is a punishable crime, even if the accused woman was guilty. And if there was only one witness against the woman, and the woman could swear before a judge four times that she was innocent, she would go free and not be punished at all.
Now why is it that “Muslim fundamentalists” would disagree with me in regard to the above paragraph and insist on carrying out “honor killings” aimed exclusively against women and girls? I have a simple answer: Fools are leading other fools out there. No one challenges the “official” interpretations of the Qur’an and Sunna, even if they’re wrong. And personally, I have no sympathy for fools and have no need for fools who claim to be the “guardians of Islam and the Holy Places”. And I don’t care if they all convert to Christianity tonight. As far as I’m concerned, they give Islam a very bad name by being the savages that they are and by turning what was becoming a worldwide civilization (the old Arab/Muslim civilization) into a dysfunctional and nihilistic backwater. They should be grateful to the USA…perhaps the USA will re-civilize the place in a way that the UK and France was unable to do less than 100 years ago.
Jun 20, 2008 - 3:11 pm 4. Nabil Ahmad:One more thing…
The reason Islam has survived to this day is that there are enough of us who are truly civilized and would love for it to advance further, but not at the expense of Western Civilization (which again owes much to the civilizations of the past: Greece, Rome, Hebrew and Arab among others). Truth be told, we are one big human family that descended from Adam and Eve. When one civilization falls, we all fall.
So what’s keeping us back? Hamas, Hezbollah, Al-Qaida, corrupt leaders in Muslim countries, and ignorance in general. I see Islam as a great gift from God, but all gifts from God must be used wisely, otherwise He may just take it back from us…
Jun 20, 2008 - 3:17 pm 5. BL:Chesler, in her modesty, fails to mention the over 40 years that she has cogently and rationally fought to tell the truth about a woman’s right to be treated fairly, humanely and justly risking get personal and physcial peril. To her credit, she always, unselfishly, promotes the efforts of her sisters and brothers in arms. I hope her readers seek out the important works of the authors she mentions. But lest we forget, she continues to offer us all a wealth of information, herself. Bravo, Dr. Chesler. You are, not just a national treasure, but an international one. Keep pushin’ on, without you, I fear truth will be compromised and barbarianism furthered.
Jun 20, 2008 - 4:16 pm 6. Dr S McCosker:Islam is a failure: moral, social, political and ecological. Islam exists, sure…but in a continuous state of collapse, oscillating between ferocious top-down despotisms, and chaos; Muslim countries (oil states excepted) are poorer than most others; the life-expectancies and literacy rates of women in Muslim countries are lower than those of women in non-Muslim countries, even when one compares third-world Muslim country A with third-world NON-Muslim country B.
Perhaps ‘Nabil Ahmed’ would like to explain to us the meaning of Quran 4: 34, which permits a man to punish his wife by beating her, if he merely FEARS that she may in future disobey him. He’s permitted a pre-emptive strike, so to speak. There is an awful lot of evidence that lots and lots of Muslim men take this scripture to heart and carry it out. And would Nabil Ahmed care to explain why, in the early 1990s, British police discovered that, in Britain, women married to Muslim men were EIGHT TIMES more likely to be killed by their spouses, than any other women in Britain?
And perhaps he’d like to explain the story of Mohammed’s marriage to six year old Aisha, and bedding of her at nine, and the fact that in quite a few Islamic countries this ‘holy’ example set by the meshuggana ‘prophet’ is followed by men, today? Men who marry little girls of eight or nine or ten or eleven – and have sex with them?
And would he like to explain why, under sharia, women’s testimony is automatically discounted in cases of rape and men’s is accepted…such that the rape victim, or another woman who saw the rape happen, cannot testify against the rapist, and all the rapist, being a man, has to do is to deny it, or to claim he was seduced, to get off scot free (whilst the woman, his victim, may be flogged, imprisoned, or even executed, either formally by order of the court, or informally, by her own family?).
There probably are, by the grace and mercy of YHWH, some men within Islamised societies who, being gifted somehow with a miraculous measure of empathy and intelligence, transcend the surrounding toxic culture and behave lovingly and kindly toward their wives, mothers, daughters and sisters. Perhaps the existence of such rare men, here and there, their humanity overcoming what I will call ‘the Islam’, is all that has prevented Islamised societies from falling wholly into the abyss. But Islamic culture does not support such rare men; it is suffused with suspicion of, and violence toward, women, and gives men an absolute power over women, that enables every imaginable form of abuse to proliferate. ‘All power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely’.
Jun 22, 2008 - 2:54 pm 7. jim:Once an American woman marries a foreign national, she and her children are no longer entitled to any American citizenship rights.
Jun 23, 2008 - 6:47 am 8. Francis O Mara:um i dont know who came up with this bs but its not true she has to volentaraly renounce her American citizenship rights.
and some country’s ie Canada don’t require this when they become canadain citizens
It is amazing but when it comes to Muslim violence against women and children, you will always find people, like Mr Ahmed whose only concern is to: ensure that it not linked to Islam.
If violence and honor murders has nothing to do with Islam, why then has it not been eradicated during the 1350 years of it existence? The fact is, Islam attacks the human dignity of women, giving divine sanction not only to violence against women, but also to their sexual exploitation and slavery. It would also seem, that the position of women was far superior before the advent of Islam. Mohammed’s first wife was a prominent business woman while his youngest wife was a 6 year old child, who was at the time just a further addition to his already existing harem of about 15 women.
Jun 23, 2008 - 10:07 am 9. Leah:That bit about a woman losing all her American citizenship rights when she maries a foreigner is complete and UTTER CRAP. I have no idea who came up with that but it’s completely untrue. It is impossible for an American to be stripped of citizenship- he/she must specifically renounce it to lose it. Stupid. Don’t believe that. I’m married to a foreigner myself and I live in Africa with no fear for my citizenship whatsoever.
Aug 6, 2008 - 8:20 am 10. Cate:The same sort of things happen everywhere in the world. WOmen and children get beaten, treated like subhuman, cheated on, killed… We just happen to hear only the bad with an Arab (Muslim or not) males. Sure…some are awful and have some rights to make them more of a pain. A whole stinkin lot of American men are too even with no rights to back them up. If you looked up “Man kills wife” online…reading only American sourses…would it only return 1 hit? Try looking up all of these claims…you will find it millions of times all over American as well. I feel we need a new book people. One that would include my story. As I am a “white” American female who has found, married, and had 2 children with the love of my life who I came to Jordan to marry. He is now an American citizen, and surprise…we still have a better relationship than ALL of my friends and family members. He does not say one unkind thing to our children, or put harmful hands on them, or me. I have never been more loved, respected, cherished, and happy. I’m NOT saying it has to be an Arab man for anyone else to find that. I am saying we hear all of the horror stories, and not much else. My husband has MANY friends. Friends married to other Arab females, and to females from other countries. Of them all…only 1 of the wives is in a bad situation, and again…that’s better than the odds of my American friends. My husband’s family has accepted me 100% and I have not lost all of my rights…though I do have to be honest and say there are certain things the AMerican embassy wouldn’t help me with…such as taking our children out of the country w/o his permission. But you know what….if you live in America, and have children….try taking them out of there w/o the Father’s permission. You WILL have to have it to get them a passport or papers from court saying it is impossible, for example…due to death. WHile I am so sorry for anyone who has bad experiances with a spouse. Especially if you are far from “home” WHy can’t we also be informing people that this is not what everyone goes through.
Aug 29, 2008 - 12:08 am 11. Mary:The problem with American women marrying
Sep 4, 2008 - 6:37 pm 12. Mary:these men is that these men are more devoted to their religion and life style than they are to America or its customs. In my opinion
Islam is at fault It is a cult. If people would use their heads islam would not survive. Their is a bible verse that sums it up so well…..I put before you life and death choose life. The bible also says The devil comes to rob, steal destroy and kill… That sounds like Islam to me. In my opinion islam robs people of Gods blessings, it destroys people by choosing death and well its easy to see why it kills. In my opinion get rid of islam and get rid of thses peoples problems Sorry but islam is definitely a plan of chossing death in my opinion.
Cate
Sep 4, 2008 - 6:44 pm 13. Mary:How could you speak for other families you know that you really dont know what anyone is going on behind closed doors so you can only speak for you. Typical arabs if their happy everyone arab is happy! You know if they are not happy they are not going to tell you and have it all over the mosque….Please cate get real
Nabil
Islam only survives in my opinion because of ignorance and the other reason it survives is because it was forced on people. With out violence islam waould never survive
Sep 4, 2008 - 6:47 pm 14. Arab Man:For God Sake! I’m Arab and i don’t want to marry an american woman neither want to deal with an american one, I don’t want to visit america i don’t want to deal with an american person in my life, but for god sake, till when my ear should keep buzz everyday as someone from the USA talking about me and other arabians, my message to you: LEAVE US ALONE DON’T COME TO OUR COUNTRIES DON’T DO ANY RELATIONS TO US, NEITHER DIPLOMATICS NOR ANYTHING ELSE, DON’T BRING ANY AMERICAN PERSON TO OUR COUNTRIES, AND IN THE SAME TIME YOU ARE FREE TO DEPORATE ANY ARABIAN PERSON FROM THE UNITED STATES TO ANYWHERE ELSE, JUST LEAVE US ALONE LIVE YOUR LIFE AND WE WILL LIVE OUR LIFE, AS IF WE LIVE IN 2 DIFFERENT PLANETS, DON’T KEEP ANY AMERICAN PERSON IN ANY ARABIAN COUNTRY AND DON’T KEEP ANY ARABIAN IN THE USA, FAIR ENOUGH NOW?? JUST LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE, LEAVE US ALONE
Sep 15, 2008 - 12:31 am 15. Lora:These stereotypes are so extreme. My husband is a Shiite Kuwaiti with a doctorate and he has a heart of gold. I would go to the end of the earth for him. His whole family are just loving, moderate, intelligent people.
My first husband was from rural TN. He was so abusive and mean, it’s a wonder he didn’t kill me. For those who were disappointed with a Moslem/Arab husband, did you get to know his family? Did you take it slow? Were you objective? Can you honestly say that you never saw evidence that he or his family were poor, uneducated, unreasonable, backwards, biased or mean-spirited? If he had opportunities back home, or marketable skills, he wouldn’t have needed marriage for a green card. So you married an opportunist? Someone who couldn’t produce his family for inspection? These are red flags. If you divorce a Moslem or Arab, and you say the marital failure was because he was a Moslem or an Arab, I say you’re ignoring your flawed selection process and next time you’ll marry a loser from a different culture because you haven’t learned anything.
Oct 5, 2008 - 11:44 pm 16. Lora:Furthermore, it’s taken all my life to understand my own Bible, so when non-Moslems quote the Quoran piece meal, sorry if I’m not convinced that’s the reason for domestic violence among Moslems. What matters is not what leaders of either religion wrote centuries ago, but what we do in society today. Following the same flawed logic, would you attribute misogyny by Western men to the following verses? Of course not. Both books should be understand within their historical contexts. Appreciate the greater message instead of quoting tiny excerpts to support a twisted point.
Oct 6, 2008 - 12:50 am 17. Tonya:I Corinthians 11:5-10 “And any woman who prays or proclaims God’s message in public worship with nothing on her head disgraces her husband…A man has no need to cover his head, because he reflects the image and glory of God…a woman should have a covering over her head to show that she is under her husband’s authority.” Ecclesiastes 7:26, “I found something more bitter than death–woman…” verse 28, “…I found one man in a thousand that I could respect, but not one woman.”
I Corinthians 14:35, “…It is a disgraceful thing for a woman to speak in a church meeting.”
I Timothy 2:11-15 “…Women should learn in silence and all humility. I do not allow them to teach or to have authority over men; they must keep quiet…And it was not Adam who was deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and broke God’s law. But a woman will be saved through having children.”
Well said Lora,
I am also married to a MUSLIM/ARAB man, who has never laid a finger on me or my children. His family has been very kind and accepting of my WHITE/CHRISTIAN self. I have been to his country and CAME BACK with my kids and him as well. I do admit that these cases exist and I feel bad for these women, but there is CHRISTIAN pastors and preachers who molests kids in the church, there are others who beat their wives, cheat on their wives, and whatever else..so why people only want to single out MUSLIM or ARAB men…has anyone paid attention to events that happened right here in AMERICA where the WHITE women were living in these polygamy compounds being cut off from the rest of society being forced to married and so forth by WHITE AMERICAN MEN who claimed to be MORMON. My point is why just single out one Race of people, or religion. My friend it extends to all RACES, CULTURES, COUNTRIES, and RELIGIONS.
Oct 7, 2008 - 9:40 am 18. Tonya:Mary
you said to Cate
“How could you speak for other families you know that you really dont know what anyone is going on behind closed doors so you can only speak for you.”
Maybe you should practice what you preach
Oct 7, 2008 - 9:46 am 19. Alistgirl:Most of these comments remind me of racists comments made about blacks while I lived in the South as a child. All of you pretty much sound cultually encapsulated and uneducated. Just because someone is Muslim does not mean he or she is a terrorist, a wife-beater or a bad person. OMG! I really don’t believe that you people believe this garbage that you put out there. Please, go and love your brothers and sisters. Shalom!
Oct 15, 2008 - 3:16 pm 20. Karen:To Arab man
Oct 18, 2008 - 5:02 am 21. SomeOne:Go kill yourself, will you? That will probably be the only way you’ll ever be happy. You are a miserable person and you need to go!
Bye!
Loooooool Karen..that really was a funny comments of you.. i liked it though it is not true
.
From comments I see in here I notice that, there are huge misunderstanding to Arabs and Muslims. Most of comments in here against Muslims and Arabs are not right at all and said unfairly.
I m Arabian Muslim man and I would tell you this, The last words of prophet Muhammad to his followers was to pay great attention and to be kind to your wife and to women specially.
If some problems happened from short minded husbands or brothers towards his women, sister or mother, then that would be exceptional case, it is not in general. and such cases happens every where regardless to race or religion.
Friends, it is really important not to accuse others just because we heard from someone a case or 2. or because it happened from less then 1% of Muslims or Arabs.
What a woman would find from her Muslim and Arabian husband of love, honesty, kindness and respect if she was a good wife no woman will find any where.
Some people have no rationality and misunderstanding to Quran or maybe for some reasons we know they try every way possible to accuse Muslims and Arabs. In the other hand that might let some of open minded people to come closer to Arabs and Muslims to know them better, they will definitely find a different image.
Nov 3, 2008 - 3:46 pm 22. Queen Naija:okay well im only 13 years old and im half yemeni and then black and then italian and indian…since my father was never in my life i seem to be more interested in the arabic culture and things like that..i am confused though because right now i have a thing going on with an iraqi 16 year old and have deep feelings for him. his family loves me and i love them.we get along really well.however me and moe (the iraqi boy) were having a deep conversation on the phone and he asked will i marry him.because he wants to stick with me and he never had those type of feelings for a girl before and i feel the same way.but im scared.our religionz r different im christian and hes muslim but he claims not to care because hes inlove. i dont know if i should leave him alone but i really love him
Nov 14, 2008 - 6:52 pm 23. Mrs. Ali:I am an 100% American woman and Christian. I have been married to a Arab/Muslim man for 4 years. He is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. We have a year old son. I think people jump to conclusions and are to close minded to acually get to know arab people. I love his family they know everything about me and treat me as one of the family. He treats me better than any american man I have ever been with. So when you say horrible things about people, look at your own lives and husbands and how they treat you. I love america and the people but lets face it, This country has no morals values or respect for anyone or anything any more. We should be the last to point fingers. You will never understand something until you live in it. I live it every day and have never been happier.
Nov 17, 2008 - 6:48 pm 24. Stephanie:I am White American woman married to a Jordanian muslim man. He was very sweet in the beginning. Once he moved to the States and was around his relatives {all male & single)he changed,not for the better. He works 10-12hrs 7 days a week, never spends time with my daughter {from a previous marriage},always hides his money and only helps to pay rent {everything else is my responsiblity}. He left the bedroom and sleeps in the living room. He is not religious anymore either..never prays and doesn’t take part in Ramadan. Before coming here he was a just and kind man. Why does the United States change these men?
Nov 24, 2008 - 10:27 am 25. J:its not that the U.S. changed him, he was just reverting back to his old self, what makes u think that it wasn’t all just a lie, from the very beginning, a person doesn’t turn that cunning and controlling overnight, it takes time to be merinated into that level, u can say he’s probably just a pretty good fake, and u bought into it, sorry for being harsh
Nov 28, 2008 - 8:53 pm 26. The New Arab Man:I stumbled into this page, and the title was interesting, I liked every opinion on this page, it’s all true and all wrong, because each person is saying what he think, or what he have been told.
me you and anyone else, nobody can say something that we take as a standard term for this case, no two persons are completely the same, and all humans love to blame others and believe they are right, in this world, we are not Arabs, Americans, Asians, we are simple 2 races, the good people and the bad people, I chose to be in the good side.
God are not many, there is only one gad, but each of us have a way to reach it, Christianity, Islam and else.
We should not take money as a meter for happiness and else, money from the beginning didn’t exist, it’s something to make you work and keep humanity alive, who ever made it, it was a great idea, but enjoy the less you have, if I find my soulmate, go out with my friends to somewhere new, that’s a lot better then a new car.
I love this world, and all people on it, together for the future of humanity, for a one world, for love, for you and the other you, and always say “what if”.
Wissam Idrissi
Nov 29, 2008 - 7:38 pm 27. arab:EOF
i should start by saying i am a catholic american and my boyfriend is a muslim from palestine..I came acroos this page when reading into marriage between an american and a muslim..as i am head over heels in love with my muslim boyfriend i wanted to read a little about this subject as i plan to marry him..i felt a lot better after reading cates response but then i realized there were many more stories like hers to follow.. thank you for posting on the positive side.. My muslim boyfriend is the sweetest person i have ever met..i dated an american (ass) for 3 years before meeting my boyfriend..i was cheated on and treated like crap pretty much the entire time(and those of you questioning why it lasted 3 years is bc i was an idiot kid who didnt know better) after dating someone like that you tend to appreciate someone who pays attention to your every need. i have never felt so loved cared for or adored in my life..my boyfriend supports me and is actually probably about a hundred times a better person than i am..he would never lay a finger on any creature and respects everyone. and i cant name a single person who has met him and can find 1 bad thing to say about him. and i think the real reason that all these negative stories are focused on is because if an american woman knew how she would really be treated and loved and cherished, all of these american men would be jerking off with their d*cks in their hands bc their women would want nothing to do with their disrespectful asses (although i wont say this of all american men or else i would be as big of an idiot as the rest of em..can i say most?) there are good americans and bad americans and good muslims and bad muslims..you can not lump everything into 1 or else we call that…. RACISM! Booooooo!
As for the bad stories about radical muslims..these muslims i feel are the equivalent to our redneck gangs like kkk or whatever,,the news is not going to report an arabic man treating his wife like gold..like umm what kind of news story is that?/people want juicy stuff..duh..i feel sorry for any american woman who was mistreated by a muslim but then again i have to ask how good her judgement is in the first place to end up in that situation..
In addition… some people like karen are a waste of existance. what an ignorant boob,, un sh’allah oo mootie ya martubie!
Dec 1, 2008 - 5:55 am 28. arab loover:ohh and this 7adoof chealsea or whoever is writting this wasnt even married to a muslim..she was married to a christian..so like what the eff does she know
Dec 1, 2008 - 5:58 am 29. Donna:I have been married to a Muslim Arab man, orginally from Syria for the last 21 years. We have four children, ages 5-20. He is a fantastic father, has a great job, has supported me in my desire to stay home with my children when they were small and pursue my career as they got older. He has never been abusive to me or my children. I have traveled extensively in the middle east and am treated very well by my in-laws. My children love to visit Syria andd beg to go there every summer. My older girls usually spend the entire summer with his family. Many of my friends are married to Muslim men, Arab and South Asian, most of them are wonderful, family oriented, professionals. I really get sick of the sensationalism when a relationship of a cross cultural marriage goes bad. Women and children are abused, exploited and murdered every day right here in the U.S.A., there are bad people everywhere, not inherent to any particular faith or country. I am treated with respect and courtesy everywhere that I have traveled in the middle east. There just seem to be those among us who wish to demonize an entire ethnic or religous group and will stop at nothing, including racism and bigotry, to achieve their goals.
Dec 25, 2008 - 3:24 pm 30. lele:i am an americal black woman married a jordanian. he went back to palastine three months after marriage. a year and a half he came back, home for three months and went to another city to visit his daughter. two months later he tells me he is getting his own apartment.we have been married for four years and i cant understand why we are married. i might see him four time a year. he does not take care of me. i take care of my self. there is something here i am missing. green card is pending. or maybe he thinks that he can just come home and get the green card in the name of marriage.help out there. seems that i married for the right reason and he married for a green card.
Jan 1, 2009 - 9:49 pm 31. jalil:So what about american women ..My X..was a cheater..she did not work.she refused to work , ive been supporing her for years ..while i m working she is doing her things. we had one child ..she never cared about him. the only time she showed her motherhood when she want our shild to live with her Just for childsupport.in fact she told me that she got married to me because Neither her mother or her father got married before..so for her marriage was a fantasy!
Jan 18, 2009 - 4:38 pm 32. Maria:I have learned my lesson..and I will advice any one..do not get involve with some one from different religion NOt culture.
Well I didn’t have the best luck dating a Canadian- Muslim Palestinian. In the beginning he showed me a lot of attention, love and kindness (like all the Arabs do). He made me believed that I was the reason of his life and we’ll get married even though our different religion and culture. Unfortunately he was lying the whole time. When I was completely in loved with him and ready to give the next step, he broke up with me saying that his family would never accept another than an Arab Muslim woman.
Jan 28, 2009 - 11:16 pm 33. jeannie:I know a lot of cases like mine. Arabs lie, play and hurt (not all of them but the majority do). Their culture is very closed and they have to lie to their parents since they are very young for obvious reasons. For them it’s nothing to hurt people because in Muslim countries they had a hard life and saw real pain.
The thing is they have fun with western girls and just marry to someone from their culture.
Hello, I married A Palestinian . we have been together 11 years. im white and,christian. Im currently living in Palestine with our three boys. His family is o.k. The arabs who hate use or abuse are like anyone in the world that does the same..sometimes relationships go wrong it doesnt matter who you married. I have left with my boys many times to America to visit my family. I trust him as he trusts me, thats all that matters in a relationship
Jan 30, 2009 - 11:07 am 34. Karen:i realized living here people are all the same. Maybe the religin is different. My sister married a fellow white, chritian american and he used her for money,a house, and a car then left her for a 22 year old.So to all those haters out there, dont blame one culture. There are bad people all over. take control of your own life and dont care how other people pray or thier culture.its not your issue. find a cure for cancer instead!i love my muslim husband. and i love my american men too.
peace jpp
To Arab man:
Feb 14, 2009 - 9:52 pm 35. hima:Please keep out of the USA. We don’t want you here. And it has nothing to do with your culture or religion. An idiot, is an idiot is an idiot and, you sir, are an IDIOT!!!
im hima egypt phone 0109740496
Feb 24, 2009 - 5:36 pm 36. Lisa:Well. I am an american white woman dating an arab guy. He cheats on me, and is very mysterious on all of his business deals. He treats me like an arab woman. I feel like he is trying to brain wash me to convert.
Feb 28, 2009 - 8:00 pm 37. Roe:I try to pull away from him and let him go, but he has a hold on me and will not let go. He is from Yemen and gets at least 40 phone calls a day. He is married to his religion, this comes before anything. I am trapped.
Some of these responses sound a little fake!
Mar 3, 2009 - 8:40 am 38. Donjuan DeArabia:one of the questions that been ask all time is: what if all people are racialist! And they all treat each others with hate! is love will stop? are everyone will run for love? isn’t there enough love for everybody?
if we think there is no love for humanity. and there are only fear, envy and jealousy! this will turn the world into nightmare.
Mar 21, 2009 - 4:17 am 39. Noelle:I have experienced what Cassandra experienced. After my Arab husband, I am recovering from being stabbed, raped, half-blinded, belittled, kept in the home, made to cover or beaten, half-starved children as punishment and control over me and threats of abduction of our children. 26,000 USD later I am still trying to break free from this maniac who justified his actions through the Koran. I finally broke the cycle when one of his Egyptian friend’s wives warned me that he had plans to drive me crazy and to abduct the children, sending them to his family in Egypt where I could not get them back from (check the state departments website on this fact, ladies). I hid and I ran and he had his computer hacking friends track me via my email. I received death threats, those who helped me received the same. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a cultural problem that is supported by statistics and studies that if anything do not include the true numbers of abuses because most are unreported because of the women’s shame. In seven years I met only one wife of an Arab/Muslim man who was treated as an equal and not abused. Most of these men are educated, handsome and charming. They have been raised to have believe that they are more than a woman and that they have the right to commit these sins against their family. This is cultural, religious and generational behavior, and those of you who say diffently are either in denial, havent married the guy yet, are being fooled or are really very lucky. You are the exception and not the norm if you are not abused. If you meet one of these charmers…run for your life and the lives of your children and dont think you can change him. A scorpian is a scorpian.
Apr 25, 2009 - 10:59 am 40. Nikeisha:If you have had abusive relationships in the past be even more careful of whom you chose to mate with in the future. Those of you who have not been where women like I have with these men have no right to comment because you have no more of an idea of what you are talking about than the average person has about rocket science. Islam is enforced by violence from the family structure to the political structure of the countries controlled by it. Beware!
I am a Black American Woman head over heels for a Arab man. He is the most beautiful I mean BEAUTIFUL man I have ever in my 36 years laid my eyes on.
May 24, 2009 - 1:28 am 41. Mrs. Boukottaya:But his spirit is what keeps taking my breath away. His beauty is nothing to him. I often wonder if he knows he is gorgeous. He is very humble, free spirited, respectful, playful, and looks down on no woman. Regardless, of her race, color, etc. I’ve watched his actions many of times when he was unaware to see if there was a wolf or evil Djinn in a sheep’s clothing. I watched how he spoke to white women, I watched him speak to African women in some language and than share a smile. He disrespects none of us. None. Gentle voice, calm manners, and so on and so forth.
Some of you women are absolutely hateful. I mean hateful. I am the victim and survivor of abuse from a child until the age of 35. And no, it was not from a Arab it was from my own race. And for those of you white women that act as if you can judge, maybe CNN or the crime scene investigation channel will help you remember the demons in your race as well.
And don’t let me get started with the hispanics…
Long story short, abuse happens to us all. That is what the focus should be on. Not the Arab man and the Arab man only. Healing and restarting your life, what are the basic steps, where do you began…..that is what should be the focus. Being proud you survived is what you should focus on, hell I am. Standing tall…strong…dependenton no one but self because through your symbolic death you were resurrected by no one but God. You are standing because what was done to you was what God only allowed. When you cried at night or out of fear he heard you and sent you the answers to your prayers that you ingnored over and over and over. And over again he kept coming because he had faith in you.
Al Humdulla
And no, no Arab taught me that. It was taught through spirit…after saying a prayer two years ago and receiving a peace that no man or woman has ever given me in my life…..
Getting help so your mind can heal and you can learn to love yourself again..should be the focus…so when God do bless you with someone from himself you will enjoy your blessings. Finding help so that you can teach your daughters so they don’t make the same mistakes and if you really were ready, being able to accept the responsiblities of your own actions..stopping blaming everything on someone else when you where the one in the background deciding to stay after he slapped or punched you before and after you got pregnant. Letting him spend up every dollar because common sense was lacking where you could save 5 dollars somewhere. He couldn’t spend it unless you gave it to him.
With that said..I will not spend a dime on that piece of shit book. None of them.
Weak, hard headed, women make me sick.
You make Arab men look like beast – What about the American men here in the U.S that some of them will beat us until we are dead, rape our daughters, take our money, cheat on us, call us bitches and hoes, pimp us in the streets, shoot us, and you bastards got the nerve to be worried about ARABS!!!!!!!!!
I am married to a Tunisian Muslim Man and can’t make heads or tails of what they are after…I’ve come to the conclusion that they treat American women like one of the World Trade Towers….something to destroy and chip away at until it pummels to the ground…Never to be found again.
I was a strong independent woman and the had the attitude to go with and 3 years later….have turned into a cowering fool to my husband.
He changed after we got married. He will never tell the truth. I think he manipulates me on purpose to make me crazy, depressed and pushes me to the edge of unhappiness so that one day he will come home and find me dead with knife in my heart or splattered on the ground from the top of our apartment building. I feel like he wants me to die….and if death is the objective of Islam – than I think his evil has inhabited where we live and has somewhat taken over my soul.
I can no longer see the light of the next day and wish myself the worst disease possible so that I die in my sleep – never to see his face again…and I’m sure if he came home to find me dead…it wouldn’t matter since he never cared about me from the day we met…
He said what he needed to say in order to get what he wanted and now I feel like I’m in the way of accomplishing what he wants to do here in this country – world domination and to hurt other women so that one by one – if he can’t bring a building down – he just manipulates each woman, breaks her soul down to nothing …takes her career, her ambitions, her dreams and her finances away, until she is nothing that anyone knows or even remembers.
Sometimes I think it’s my destiny to be dead than to be alive to wake up everyday to see this mans’ face and to watch how he has destroyed everything within me.
May 24, 2009 - 4:42 pm 42. Gaile Irene:You comments are ominous. You must get away from him. He may physically assault you any day if you dare oppose him. It may be best that you quietly remove yourself. Although he is bad now, he will become a hundred times worse if he finds you are leaving him. If he is not yet a U.S. citizen, please write to Homeland Security to prevent him from becoming one. Your only salvation may be having him removed from the country or having him denied readmission after one of his trips abroad. Above all else, keep your plans secret and make up fake stories to keep him confused.
Jun 10, 2009 - 7:30 pm 43. Truth_Sayer:Wow, how original? Another old Jew (albeit a woman this time) slamming Arabs/Muslims again! Who could’ve possibly anticipated that?
Listen, I’ll do all of you a favor and make it real easy for you. Arab men (Muslim or otherwise) are no more or no less likely to abuse/beat/slander/enslave/entrap/rape/kill/etc. their girl-friends or wives than any other men of any specific ethnic or religious background. If I had wanted to, I could’ve written several books about how the so-called redneck White trash guys from middle America beat-up and utterly dominate their wives and girl-friends too. Infact, that’s how the “wife-beater” shirt (the tanktop under-shirt that some men wear) got it’s nickname. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Phyllis Chesler already hasn’t written a book about abusive rednecks as well. After all, they aren’t typically big fans of the Jewish people either.
Now in order to understand why Ms. Chesler is doing this, you need to understand her and her motives. What Phyllis Chesler really is, is a Jewish femenist who’ve found a way to milk money from women who either suffer from (or know of women that suffer from) abusive relationships, as well as those who despise Arabs/Muslims (whether it be due to 9/11, or any other reason). Now if you ARE a woman, and not necessarilly an “American,” by which Phyllis seemingly means a White girl of European heritage (which by the way is a very racist definition of “American women” Ms. Chesler), and you suffer from a bad or abusive relationship… yes, by all means, take charge of yourself and decalre yourself out of that relationship. Even women in Arab/Muslim countries have the right to do this, folks. What, surprised?! Well that’s because you have these misconceived notions of Arab/Muslim societies to be backwards and UNFAIRLY male-dominated, fed to you by the likes of Phyllis Chesler, who in reality only want two things from you:
a) to hate Arabs and Muslims and everything about them, because that’s the kind of attitude towards Arabs/Muslims that Jews like her need from you if their people are to continue dominion over the land that should rightfully be called Palestine (as opposed to Israel), at a GREAT COST to us American taxpayers nonetheless
b) to play on your fears and take your money by selling you utter nonsense!
Once you come to accept this simple truth, you’ll see things a lot more clearly from here on.
And you guys want some more truth — the posts by “Noelle” and “Mrs. Boukottaya” and probably a few others as well, are absolute racist drivel written by one hateful person (possibly even Mrs. Chesler herself) who really hates Arabs/Muslims. Seriously, instead of creating these phony usernames and pretending to be a different Arab/Muslim hater why don’t you just jump off of a building or something, you filthy bigotted louse!
Jun 28, 2009 - 3:43 am 44. cutemusic:I think it would be just like going to hell to marry a muslim man. I had date twice with muslim man. They treat you in the beginning like a princess. Once they won your heart. They backoff instantly. Making all kind excuses saying he is not available, but still acts friendly when he sees you. Don’t expect him to take care of you. Because he won’t. He would ask you to take care of him. It seems when he visits, he will expect you to cook for him. I find Muslim man is extremely self-centered. Not a good husband. After they separate with their wives, they still want to control her. If she doesn’t has a skill to make a living, she has to depend on him fincially. She become the slave of her husband and kids. Women got send back to the Arab country with the kids would have a hard time getting remarry.
The husband will provide money for the children in the Arab country. Even they are divorce but they are actually not. He still expects the ex-wife to stay home and raise the kids on her own. Because he is the one provider the family.
Jul 12, 2009 - 1:42 pm 45. mika:blalahalhalhalhblhablhalbha
Jul 16, 2009 - 11:07 am 46. amy:yeah so anyone can beat up their wife/girlfriend/child. but guess what…in most islamic countries there is no law against it. that’s the REAL problem. in the US or Western countries domestic abuse (all abuse) is illeagal and women can get help when they are abused. but where was the help i needed when i was in egypt getting beat by my ex-husband?
IM A 48 YEAR OLD WOMAN ,MET A 24 YOUR OLD MUSLIM MAN IN EGYPT ,MARRIED HIM AFTER CHATTING ON LINE FOR 1 YEAR THEN WENT TO EGYPT AND GOT MARRIED LIVED THERE FOR 1 YEAR WITH HIM ,HES WONDERFUL TO ME NOW I WANT HIM TO COME TO THE STATES ,DO YOUS BELIEVE HE REALLY LOVES ME OR JUST WANTS TO BE A CITIZEN ,PLEASE BE HONEST AND SEND ME EMAILS IM SO CONFUSSED ……..amy_glass2001@yahoo.com
Jul 19, 2009 - 10:21 am 47. emancipated:i just ended an engagement to a shiite iraqi,i am american of latin descent.we were a couple for almost 4 years.it was a total rollercoaster.he was very charming in the beginning,very romantic,and a liar.he was so dramatic and would beg me to come back to him the hundred times i would try to leave.this could be a story about any race…but i did hang out with a lot of his friends and most of them had long term relationships and children maybe even marriage with american women but want to be with arabic women eventually.they will lie to these arab girls (who are usually virgins)i know of one man whose arab wife has no idea that he has children with a white american girl.just keep your eyes open and trust your gut.women were granted with intuition,don’t ignore it.i would still date an arab man,don’t get me wrong,i was just with the wrong one.
Jul 19, 2009 - 5:34 pm 48. Hmmmm:Okay, for the women that have personal horror stories, I would love to know, did you fall for these men based on their looks ?
Aug 2, 2009 - 11:27 pm 49. Frances:It is understandable.
These Arab and Middle-Eastern men are beyond blessed in the looks department. I have went on websites and saw some of the most delicious mind candy that have left me exhausted and out of breath, jealous, and than mad as hell because they are over there and not here. I had a severe migrane headache….
Hell, one of them had the nerve to have his hair corn-rolled !!!!!
I think I went unconcious after that.
But anyways
I find it very interesting that lately the focus is on “these men” more and more.
As a black woman I see the same scenerios in every race. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM, THOSE JUNGLES AND AMAZON PEOPLE INCLUDED. Yeah, caught them on National Geographic.
Help me understand what it the big caution because I am seconds off of snagging this gorgeous being that keep flirting with me.
I find it necessary since I have not seen anything like it, close in my face, must grab.
Seriously,
I mean, do they have abnormal strength ? , mystical powers ? what ?
Because quite honestly if he puts his hands on me in the form of physical abuse, he will get his ass tore off.
Curse me, we going at it word for word.
Stronger than me, I am calling the police.
Speaking at me in different tongues ?
Shit, I can pray too and good at it.
Cheat on me ? I’ll find another one.
On the phone talking about what ?????
Im running like hell.
Am I going to the middle east and U.A.E
Nawl.
It is to hot, I cant handle that type of heat, sand storms ? only would know about those by hearsay.
I can do that because here in the U.S being a strong independent woman is taught and learned.
I have my own money, don’t need his.
So what is the FOCUS and the Point ?
Can’t talk me into a bomb jacket.
What makes their abuse different than the american man ???????
I mean, we have rights here, what is the problem and how and why did you let it get to that point.
Until then, I will be enjoying the beauty and sweetness of this man whose origins is of the Middle East.
And NO – he does not wear a turban or robe. Although if he did Im sure it would make him even more beautiful that what he already is.
So ladies, with all our options, what went wrong ??
I am currently dating a Arab Muslim man. We have been together for 4 months now and I love every inch of this man. He has a Masters Degree and is staying in the US because of a work visa. He does not want a green card to the US. He is originally from Dubai and comes from a very well to do family. The only adivce I can give to women who are dating (whether it be an arab man or any other man from the rainbow)..is to know who you are with. Take it slowwwwwww. Dont jump into marriage ride it out for a few years. If they are just after you for a green card…after a few years you WILL know! I have met and know many Muslim men with American wives…they are ALL very happy families and have beautiful children and loving families.
Aug 6, 2009 - 12:18 pm 50. Tracy:I am an ex-wife of a Christian Arab man. Here’s my story and I am taking it from “American Woman, Arab Man
Tales of Horror in the Harem” because it describes my circumstances exactly.
At first, he was utterly charming, generous, solicitous of his American girlfriend’s every need. He cooked, he cleaned, he did everything for me. For once, I was being treated like a princess. After we were married and he got his green card, he reverted to form: Almost overnight, he become cruel, condescending, suspicious, insanely controlling, unfaithful, deceptive, and highly secretive. He did not support me or our child but instead but expected me to support myself, the household, and the child, even while I was pregnant or ill. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and I was still expected to work, cook supper, take care of the family and basically be super woman. Well, I am not! I could no longer stand the controlling and the verbal abuse so I told him I wanted a divorce. After leaving five years ago, he has put me through absolute hell, using our daughter to get back at me, trying to turn her against me. Now, my daughter is eight and he has kidnapped her and taken her to Jordan. I, too, have found out that there is nothing to help me as his country does not recognize our laws and they cannot get my child back. So, I sit here and wait. Maybe the FBI can convince him to come back but maybe not. He’s in a world of trouble in America but gets off scott free if he stays in Jordan. I have not spoken with my daughter or seen her in months. My heart bleeds every single day! Also, his green card was up for renewal next month, so he married another American and both she and my daughter are being kept in Jordan. Another American victim to an Arab man.
If any American woman is considering even dating an Arab man, I would tell you to RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! There is nothing worse than having someone make your life hell each and every day and my life has been an absolute hell every since I left him. He has made sure of that!
Aug 19, 2009 - 12:44 pm 51. anna:I am a Mexican girl and I am dating with a muslim men for three months, I know is a very short time, but I don’t know why I feel a very strong atraccion for him, he is 11 years more older.
I know very well what is my problem, I was sexual abused for a long time went I was a child, and I breack up 2 years ago a 4 years relationship full of abuses i was raped by my ex went I try to end our relation after 2 years, a good thing now after years, a bad thing at this moments I become pregnant went he raped me.
The person who I am dating is a rollercoaster, he es working all the time and went he is not working he is praying, he is very secretive, I mean is like a circle of mistery around him, we dont talk to much, and sometimes i feel more like a his fuckbody because he NEVER make me feel like a girlfriend.
my conclusion is somethimes the woman are conditioned to abuse since we are childrens, we know this is a problem but we don’t know how get out of the circle.
Aug 29, 2009 - 9:24 pm 52. Beverly Weaver:I think that all Humanity has forgotten the most important thing to respect all life and respect the differences in each other. We are all creations of God Almighty.
In the last 3 years I have gotten to know many Muslim people from UAE, Syria,Algiers,Egypt, Morocco,Lebanon,Jordan all the Middle East and I have found the highest majority of the people to be kind,caring,respectful and family oriented. I respect and try to understand all cultures and religions even if it is not mine. Not all Middle Eastern Men and or women are good just like not all men or women in USA, France, Greece, England, Africa, Australia~ all over world there is good and bad people..so it is unfair to label the Muslim male population as all bad.
Child and Spousal Abuse is a WORLD WIDE epidemic and not specifically a Arabic issue. Not all but many of the women that get into these situations…do not take time to know the person and try to think with the heart, lust and not with the mind. Not all but some of these women would find themselves in a situation with a controlling and abusive man in what ever relationship they get into because of not wanting to pay attention to the warning signs in the beginning of the relationship. Believe it or not people do not just change over night if we look very close into their souls the revelation of who they really are is a mirrors image reflecting back to us.
On the flip side of the coin many Arabic young men are frustrated with the lack of opportunities and restrictive religious laws. They have been introduced to America and the free world’s social freedom threw music, TV and internet connection sites ~(free porn). Often these young Arabic men or men from ??? from whatever country…see America as the land of opportunity
and think a lot of America is like Hollywood and Los Vegas ~ and some will try to get to America by marrying women they do not really love (mainly middle aged because they have homes, cars, things to offer them and these women shower them with affection, send money, open their hearts,(believing the lie~ because they need to believe it) but they are only the bridge to America or a Free Country where a new life awaits.
Usually these men already have other women waiting them that they have met threw these sites and after the bridge gets them to US, England etc. and they obtain their green card. A lot of times these young men when they get to their dream destination only to find; streets not lined in gold, money doesn’t grow on trees,the language barriers,work and independence not easy to get as anticipated and they are still dependent on the bridge “sweet apple” that brought him to new life..
The frustration of finding the new life’s disappointment and still having no control over anything in their life’s the bridge becomes the target of the built up anger. Finding us hearing stories of abuse and control like listed above.
Oct 2, 2009 - 3:12 pm 53. Susana:Iam a catholic, American citizen, of 36 yrs, who has been involved with several Arab relationships over the last few years (all 3 of them Palestinian)…that ended bad. However I ended up marrying another Palestinian Arab man in United Arab of Emirates. At first, he was very loving, attentive, and treated me like a princess when we were engaged. I did have a few red flags when we argued, before we married, but I ignored them, because he really seemed to love me so much!… His red flags were that he cheated me one time with women on internet dating profiles…in addition he was aggressive, impatient, and used offensive words to express himself at moments of anger, and he was very controlling of me when I went to the malls, calling me about every 20 minutes to see what I was doing or if men were trying to speak to me, etc….I noticed these were all signs of his own insecurity from himself, and he had a low self esteem, along with the beliefs that as an arab, he told me he didnt want any other man looking at me, at the malls, etc.. I was very respectful with him, and with the clothes I wore, but even this wasnt enough to make him feel secure. Anyway, he promised me to change in order for me to accept to marry him.
After 6 months of engagement only I decided to take the chance to marry him, and to trust him even if he had cheated me with dating profiles. We were very much in love with each and he seemed to be so much into me…he told me he loved everything about me and my personality, and he always wanted to be with me every free moment he had. We became very attached and got married, and the first couple of months we got along very well. But two months after marriage, he started fighting agressively with me again…even if the fights were caused by him, with small lies that I would catch him on..etc..He would turn around and offend me and try to deny his mistakes, and then blame me for his mistakes, and one day later admit it was his fault. He repeatedly did this cycle over and over, with every fight, and it became worse the last 6 months of our marriage, where he would also call his cousin, and his mother and brother to involve them in our marriage problems. Of course, as I understood many times before I married him, that most Palestinian or Arab families take the side of the son, and not his wife regardless of the reasons. So, I experienced this very much with his family. While he would intentionally or unintentionally ruin my image with his family at the moment of a fight…his mother was protecting him, and speaking badly about me. Of course, they didnt hear my side of the story, and even if they did, they would support him.
Anyway, they adviced for him to divorce me a couple of times, and he didnt want to because he said he loved me too much and he would start crying as he did many times before when I was threatening to divorce him for his agression. Though, with all of our arguing, and also finding out he was a depressed person as he told me during our marriage, and with his family negatively influencing our marriage…he was the one who decided to end the marriage recently. I was also tired of giving him so many chances to change during our 1 yr of marriage..but I realized at the end it was for the best. I felt I had married him and his family and they kept pushing him to divorce me! They were not neutral and only cared that he was able to help them financially every month to take care of them, even if we couldnt afford it. This is another reason they didnt care for me, asides that I was a Western women, and 6 yrs older then their son..(even if we looked the same age). I also know these were all big points against me. So with all of these factors our marriage ended.
The day of our divorce, an Egyptian and (very professional judge), took my side of the story, and blamed my exhusband for giving up on the marriage to make his changes, and that it was a huge mistake to be involving his family. Also, that he should have never hit me! He also told him he was not a good muslim because he didnt have God in his life. He asked him to pray during the month of Ramadan and bring God into his life, but actually he did the opposite. The following day he again wanted to hit me, and I grabbed my suitcases right away and asked our roomates to help me leave safely from him, since I didnt have any family or contacts to help me in UAE. He left the home to go stay with his brother and he sent me messages shortly after accusing me of having an affair with his roomate…which was ridiculous and not true! Then, the following morning I took a taxi to the airport, and will NEVER ever consider living in a Muslim-male dominated country again…even if UAE is considered as one of the most open minded of countries in the Middle East.
To make things worse, he sent me threatening emails, telling me that I can never return to UAE for any reason, or he will send me to the prison! This was very shocking to my family in USA…as they spoke to him recently before the divorce,and he admitted to them I was a good wife, and that he was sorry to hurt me so much. I start to wonder at the end was he interested in the USA Visa, especially knowing that I heard his mother speaking of this to him. I was very sad that things ended, especially so unfairly, with him accusing me of cheating him, and also that he will send me to the prison if I return. I was never racist, or discriminated against any race or religion, but with my story, and all of other people’s stories, it makes me convinced that this is a very tough culture to deal with and to marry. They have alot of hate inside of them (especially the Palestinian people)…and I know alot of this stems from the wars and that most of them are refugees in other countries, and arent allowed priviliges as others. So I can understand part of their hatred. But, they take it out alot on the women. They are very revengful, and that is why I feel they also do not give up in fighting with Israel. I have learned that I had great love for the culture before, but now I understand why so many people warned me to not marry into this culture, especially the Palestinian culture. Even, I noticed having lived in UAE that alot of the Arab woman are so serious, and appeared unhappy…half of them are completely covered, and it’s not a religion choice…it’s because of their controlling husbands. Even, I met a psychologist there who told me that he had the experience to work with so many arab marriages, and he adviced me that my exhusband probably would not change his personality. He mentioned that women in these Middle Eastern countries are considered mostly as posessions with no rights…to express themselves, or have the same equal rights in general as the men. He told me my exhusband treated me this way mostly because of his upbringing in the Middle East, and that he probably saw his own mother being mistreated by his father…and he had learned this behavior and passed it on to me. He adviced me if I had children with him, he can take them from me, and return back to his country, if we had moved to USA. The psychologist, adviced me that this was one of the most difficult of cultures to marry into. I would never again get involved in marrying an arab, especially with a Palestinian. I recommend for women to stay away from them. I also heard from an arab friend that told me about his own culture, that most arabs are sneaky, and use people and their religion for their advantages…I know that their are exceptions out there, and I have always been very open minded and have many friends from all over the world, but I will definetely stay away from dating this particular culture, and be more selective with whom to keep as my friends as well. I hope my experience will teach women out there, who may consider dating this culture. This culture has ALOT to learn about respecting women! It’s very unfortunate that so many women are treated so unfairly, and dont have many rights of freedom and expression! Thank God, I was smart enough to always defend myself, and to not turn into the normal submissive woman in their culture! That is why my husband and his family wanted the divorce, because he could not walk over me! If you have a similar experience or advice please share it with me. Thank you. Take care.
Oct 6, 2009 - 2:41 pm 54. ummfaisal:As an american married to an Arab, I find this extremely one sided. For every 1 woman married to an abusive, lying, cheating arab, I can show you 3 that have wonderful, respectful, non-abusive husbands. I am one of the latter. I have been with my Kuwaiti husband for 15 years, most happily. How come no one writes about the marriages that are great, only the horror stories. Even if one was to marry someone from their own race and culture, the same abuse and horrible behavior happens.
Oct 13, 2009 - 1:08 am 55. rachel:i have been dating a guy from dubai for 2 months and he seems great..but iam not sure if i should continue seeing him..he disapeared for 2 weeks and said it was personal problems but something seems weird about it…confused
Oct 27, 2009 - 7:20 pm 56. Julie:I was married to a Muslim Arabic Man from Jordan and it was a nightmare. I sponsored him for his citizenship and as soon as he got it, his parents came to live with us and he began beating me and insulting me every day, even though I was very pregnant. It continued for the next 5 years, until I divorced him after all attempts to get him to stop failed. He is very dedicated to his Islamic religion and friends and ‘prays’ 5 times a day. He also kept me constantly sleep deprived, coming home at any time of the day to beat me and at night. I finally did have a nervous breakdown from it and as a result he got custody of our son. I stayed with him for so long only because of the mental state that it had reduced me to, which I am still recovering from, and because I did not have a family to help me very much. His Muslim Arabic friends believe the divorce is not his fault and have not heard my side of the story, only his mother bad-mouthing me. He puts on a nice front, but I felt like I was living in a horror movie when I was married to him, especially after he got his citizenship. Do not marry an Arbic Muslim man. If he does not treat you terribly, you will be the EXCEPTION, not the rule. My heart goes out to every woman and child who is being abused by the men they depend on and their parents.
Nov 2, 2009 - 11:23 pm 57. Linda:Ladies:
Nov 6, 2009 - 8:25 pm 58. Aria:Run for your lives! Even if your arabic husband seems to love you, the family will treat you like trash. They are no friends to Americans. Meet his family first before you get serious. I truly believe they come here to take advantage of the great american lifestyle, and leave their hearts and souls back in their country. Women are regarded as ho’s, I am sorry to say.
My personal experience dating a middle eastern man was great until he told me one day if I ever cheated on him or did something he didn’t like he could have me killed & no one would find my
Nov 7, 2009 - 4:26 pmbody. I immediately broke up with him, he told me I couldn’t break up with him he told me when he didn’t want to see me any more. He also told me all american women were whores. My advice is stick with your own race life is too short to stress yourself out trying to fit a square into a peg