Roger’s Rules

September 16th, 2008 6:40 am

A Public Health Announcement

Professor John Frary, who is running for Congress in Maine, has isolated and formulated a preliminary typology of a new pathogen that is circulating through the body politic,

Palinosis, n. pl. palinoses. Any of several poorly differentiated disorders among Left-lurchers that involve demented social, political, and rhetorical behaviors. They are distinguished individually by special manifestations (as paralysis of the cognitive functions, frothing at the mouth, rotating eye-balls, hyperventilation, semantical seizures).

Working together with researchers in the field (that dedicated group Médecins Sans Illusions), I have been able to piece together an incomplete epidemiological portrait of the malady.

Suddenness of Onset

As Professor Frary notes, one of the signal presenting features of this malady is the suddenness of its onset. Witnesses report that victims of this cruel disease generally appear completely normal until they encounter the name “Sarah Palin.” Within minutes, susceptible patients suffer a dangerous rise in blood pressure followed by acute cognitive paralysis, often accompanied by logorrheic expostulation, in some ways similar to Tourette’s Syndrome. This is the acute phase, which can last for several hours. It is generally followed by a chronic phase, which can last several weeks, and is characterized by feelings of listlessness, melancholy, and a still poorly-understood inability to distinguish fact from fiction. It is not yet known whether damage to the victim’s sense of humor is permanent or transitory.

Other symptoms

Many patients complain of feelings of panic, a vague but persistent sense of paranoia, compounded by alternating emotions of rage and depression. The public is urged to employ caution when approaching sufferers of Palinoisis, especially in its acute phase. Their behavior is typically incomprehensible and can be violent. THOSE WHO HAVE NOT PASSED A LEVEL TWO PALIN REMEDIATION AND ACCLIMATIZATION TEST ARE URGED TO DIAL 911.

Susceptibility

A large part of the population appears to be resistant if not entirely immune to the precipitating allergen, and scientists are still working to isolate predisposing factors. A demonstrated predilection towards utopian thinking appears to be one predisposing factor, as does difficulty in distinguishing between the property of your neighbor and that which belongs to the federal government. It has also been noticed that patients experience a tingling feeling running up their legs (Matthewsitisosis) when the hear the words “Barack Obama” are seriously at risk.

Treatment

There is no known cure for Palinosis. But some studies indicate that a course of treatment in which patients are slowly acclimatized to the real world can help. Behavioral modification programs, including intensive study of Friedrich Hayek’s The Road to Serfdom , the chapters devoted to “Democratic Despotism” in Tocqueville’s Democracy in America, and a thorough examination of the United States tax system have been shown to be effective in some cases. Also promising is the model offered Alcoholics Anonymous: patients who are able publicly to acknowledge their malady–”Hello, I am John, and I suffer from Palinosis”–have been shown to do better in the long term than those who refuse to acknowledge the disease.

45 Comments

1. BlueRidgeForum » “A Public Health Announcement” from Arma Virumque:

[...] may digest the entire Kimball public-health announcement here, but are warned that the “Kael Syndrome” here (and also explained here) could recur [...]

Sep 16, 2008 - 9:32 am 2. ic:

Those who suffer most from Obamamania are also most susceptible to Palinosis. Comes Nov., Obamamania, like SARS, will fade into memory, but Palinosis will stay for at least four years sending sufferers, especially the female type, into deep depression. Like BDS, there is no cure for Palinosis.

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:37 am 3. Iben:

Ok Doc, what do we do about the awful smell of all those rabid leftists defecating in their shorts?

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:33 am 4. TomJW:

“It is not yet known whether damage to the victim’s sense of humor is permanent or transitory.”

They had a sense of humor to begin with?

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:47 am 5. Korla Pundit:

Can’t I just eat my waffle?!

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:54 am 6. RAH:

Cute, It eliminates the sense of humor, I thought the prior disease of BDS eliminates the sense of humor and change of personality to an increased of maliciousness.

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:54 am 7. Dr. Sam:

I’ve been doing research in this field as well. Unfortunately, it seems Professor Frary was able to publish his research before me. My initial findings indicated a strong resemblance to BDS as far as symptoms go. Palinosis is a great name for this new pathogen but I had thought PMS (Palin Madness Syndrome) was more appropriate.

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:55 am 8. mrkwong:

I suggest stocking up on tranquilizer darts in preparation for a more chronic form of Palinosis lasting approximately twelve years. The symptoms are likely to be similar to those that afflicted the British left during the Reagan/Thatcher era.

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:57 am 9. bc:

You put de lime in de coconut, drink em both together,put de lime in de coconut, den you feel better.

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:05 pm 10. BlogDog:

I also like the term “Palinsanity.” But I propose that like “Bush Derangement Syndrome” is now identified by its initials, we refer to “Palin Madness Syndrome” the same way.

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:08 pm 11. ZZMike:

Palinophobia. It’s one of the “phobias”, it’s considered a Bad Thing, and may even be covered as a Treatable Affliction. It sould have a place in the DSM

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:11 pm 12. Sioux Lady:

Cyber-diarrhea at hali-KOS-is?

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:13 pm 13. jum1801:

“Médecins Sans Illusions”…priceless.

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:15 pm 14. Jim:

I think you’re going to draw criticism for urging people to dial 911, even jokingly. How about 9-1-2?

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:35 pm 15. NC Reader:

Thank you for a good laugh on a dreary afternoon!

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:52 pm 16. BJM:

As a causal observer, I’ve notice that those suffering from Palinois are attracted to other suffers forming swarms of angry Palindrones. Said swarms have been known to light upon the comment sections in blogs linked by Pajama Media in particular, whereby they rub their misbegotten perceptions together until a white hot madness ensues obliterating civil discourse and filling said comments with pulp of a lumpy fiction masticated from a small grain of truth.

Under no circumstances should comment pulp be rebutted for to do risks straining to stoop exceedingly low and may result in astroturfitis; a repetitive stress injury caused primarily by spamming comments for pay.

Palindrones will borrow deep into the body politic to emerge in a new guise in 2012. They have become the cicadas of American politics, very noisy, a little scary, but in the main harmless creatures trapped in a cyclic madness of their own making.

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:54 pm 17. Go Sarahcuda:

This explains a lot … I couldn’t figure out why so many, obviously not very bright people, were scared of this VP choice, but would elect a man who has the experience of … a “community organizer” for President. They have Palinosis! They can’t tell their head from their ass!

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:56 pm 18. Dustin:

Thanks for your hard work documenting this common malady. I have seen its effects in multiple sad cases but until now I had not yet seen it documented in such a clear & concise fashion. Keep up the great work!

Sep 16, 2008 - 1:25 pm 19. philsmith:

A bit heavy handed but fun. One needs a sledge hammer to get through to some people.

If one is exposed to a case of palinoses one needs to beware that most of these symptoms are catchy in a reactive way. The doctors have to distinguish between primary and secondary afflictions.

Sep 16, 2008 - 1:50 pm 20. ricpic:

Palinosis is above all symptomatic of the visceral hatred the anointed have for the common herd.

Palin is quintessentially a Daughter of The People.

That’s what makes elite gorges rise.

Sep 16, 2008 - 2:03 pm 21. Paul A'Barge:

Bad choice of word play.

Palinophobia is better.

Sep 16, 2008 - 2:21 pm 22. Steynian 248 « Free Mark Steyn!:

[...] WARNING: PALINOSIS OUTBREAK– A Public Health Announcement, by Roger Kimball …. [...]

Sep 16, 2008 - 3:46 pm 23. Jeff in Ohio:

I think it is a scream that this and other right leaning blogs are infected with Barack ads tonight!

Good Night and Blessings on You All;
Jeff

Sep 16, 2008 - 5:59 pm 24. dragonfly:

My diagnosis is PALINITIS – chronic inflammation of a febrile mind caused by the mere thought of an savvy. experienced. incorruptible woman daring to run for the Vice Presidency.

The Great Leader explained to David Cameron, the Conservative party candidate for Prime Minister in Britain, that he saw his role as “leaving details to others who know 10 times as much as I do”, saving himself strictly for the big decisions. That’s OK with those who suffer from either of the afflictions.

Sep 16, 2008 - 6:21 pm 25. Jim Ryan:

Here’s another remedy.

Sep 16, 2008 - 6:57 pm 26. JM Hanes:

Approaching this subject from a mental health (vs. pathogenic) perspective, I would also call attention to an entirely new form of bi-polar disorder. This duality does not manifest itself in a single individual, but rather appears to affect only deeply divided (e.g. polarized) communities. Adversarial factions exhibit a sudden onset of one, and only one, of the following two conditions which I have designated as either:

Palinoia (excessive fear of dogs and lipstick, characterized by defensive snarling, self-righteous outrage and the solitary grinding of teeth).

Palinalia (sexist political euphoria, characterized by joyful dancing at late night festivals on the internet followed by inordinately sweet dreams).

I will be conducting further research as soon as my grant money comes in and expect to publish my findings on or before November 4th of the current year.

Sep 16, 2008 - 8:48 pm 27. Roger Godby:

Exile to “Obama’s Island,” very similar to “Gilligan’s Island” but more progressive, is possibly a viable palliative.

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:11 pm 28. KD:

Onward Christian Dominionist Soldier Sarah Palin!

Let us thank our Lord God, that He has sent a new Joan of Arc!

She will raise our Venerable Wounded Hero aloft to the Throne of Leadership!

Fie on Doubters! The Chosen Mother knows more about Energy than anyone in America! Rejoice!

She will defeat the Deceiving Black Devil who would hand us over to the Blood-thirsty Muslim Hordes!

She will insure that the Prosperous prosper!

God wills it!

Sep 17, 2008 - 6:16 am 29. Jack Klompus:

Looks like KD has the symptoms of lame attempts at sarcastic humor revealing the shocking advancement of a pretentious superiority complex. Take two doses of HOPE and CHANGE and call Dr. Dean in the morning.

Sep 17, 2008 - 10:00 am 30. KD:

I stand with you!

The Lord God has vouchsafed to us yet another Holy Innocent whose Goodness remains unsullied by Evil Knowledge.

Verily, She will gather in the Faithful, who recognize the grave crisis we face at this hour.

Is it the war? The economy? Or is it resources, energy, or the environment?

No!

It is the Holocaust in the Womb!

This is how we will win, just as our Beloved W the Innocent won in 2004 on yet another Grave Issue: the Sanctity of Marriage!

Rejoice! And may the Prosperous prosper!

Sep 17, 2008 - 12:00 pm 31. Nine-of-Diamonds:

KD’s rattled.

Sep 17, 2008 - 10:26 pm 32. KD:

Together we’ll support the Chosen Mother!

Verily, she is a great Spiritual Warrior who has been CALLED from Joel’s Army to help lead the battle against Evil and to retake the Earth for God!

Like W the Innocent she WILL NOT waver in the face of Evil. SHE WILL NOT BLINK!

To the Protector of the Unborn! To God’s Judgement! To Dominion!

Sep 18, 2008 - 6:00 am 33. Nine-of-Diamonds:

“Take two doses of HOPE and CHANGE and call Dr. Dean in the morning.”

Side effects include spittle-flecked rants, hacking into email accounts, knee-jerk “Racism” accusations, incoherence without a teleprompter, belief in Black Liberation Theology, making obscene phone calls to candidates’ children, fatigue, and dry mouth.

Sep 19, 2008 - 3:08 pm 34. KD:

I couldn’t agree more.

The Left has gone mad!

Voices of Courage and Reason like Sean Hannity are refreshing, as is Sarah Plain’s Resolve.

She has a Servant’s Heart like the President’s. And look what he has accomplished in eight Glorious years!

God will support a Palin/McCain administration (Sarah spoke Truth in a moment of brilliant insight). Working through Sarah Palin and John McCain, He will save our economy from the Leftists who are hell-bent on ruining it.

Sep 19, 2008 - 4:28 pm 35. Nine-of-Diamonds:

“Palinosis is above all symptomatic of the visceral hatred the anointed have for the common herd.

Palin is quintessentially a Daughter of The People.”

Yeah, when you examine any comments thread on the Internet there is a remarkable divide between the self-descrbed “elite” and “intelligent” urbanites, as opposed to those who self-identify as “rural/traditional”. The former group accuses Palin supporters of anti-intellectualism, while the latter group accuses Democrats of arrogance. There may be an element of truth to both but the Obam supporters’ hubris can be pretty astounding. Just the other day on HuffPo if I’m not mistaken there was a hilarious post where one commentator said rural/conservative voters should leave voting to people “more intelligent than they are”. Scratch the Democrats’ populist surface and there’s a lot of anti-Democratic sentiment that shines through.

Sep 20, 2008 - 8:06 am 36. Nine-of-Diamonds:

Strike “Obam” – add “Obama”.

Sep 20, 2008 - 8:08 am 37. KD:

Yes, Sarah IS the Daughter of the People! The answer to our prayers (as Dr. Dobson suggested).

Here’s Jim Bramlett, former Vice President of the Christian Broadcasting Network speaking of Sarah (I couldn’t have said it better myself. God bless you, Jim!):

“Sarah is that standard God has raised up to stop the flood. She has the anointing. You can tell by how the dogs are already viciously attacking her. But they will not be successful. She knows the One she serves and will not be intimidiated.”

Sep 20, 2008 - 10:14 pm 38. Nine-of-Diamonds:

An excellent article about how Palin taps into the whole “rural voter” dynamic. Surprising to see a relatively sympathetic portrayal like this in a British paper:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1058602/Sarah-Palin-popular-Diana-hearts-American-public.html

I was surprised that the author didn’t mention Obama’s “bitter clingers” comment – it is very much emblematic of his failure to connect with the moderate & conservative populists whom he needs to win the election.

Sep 21, 2008 - 9:04 am 39. KD:

What a great article, Nine-of-Diamonds! Sarah certainly has connected with voters. Her Strength, combined with Simple Goodness, is a Godsend.

I’ve talked to decent Americans (ordinary people, not the pampered elites we saw crowding the DNC, but like those we saw at the RNC — Salt of the Earth) hoping she will deal a fatal blow to Secular Humanism and the progress of science, I mean science in the Service of Satan! Stem-cell research and the like.

Sarah Palin knows that ALL science must be Bible-proven. Has she not seen images of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them!

As our nation’s foremost expert on energy, Sarah Palin speaks brilliantly:

“Oil and coal? Of course, it’s a fungible commodity and they don’t flag, you know, the molecules, where it’s going and where it’s not.”

A Heart of Gold and a First-Rate Mind all in one Charming Package!

Plain/McCain in November!

Sep 21, 2008 - 12:45 pm 40. Nine-of-Diamonds:

“They had a sense of humor to begin with?”

Yep – the PDS – sufferers have an excellent sense of humor. I seem to remember a “Progressive” comedian melting down and fantasizing about rape scenarios the other day:

http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/sandra-bernhardt-gets-away-with-racist-anti-palin-tirade/

It’s pretty disgusting how many of the Democrats in the comments section try to justify what she said.

Sep 21, 2008 - 1:58 pm 41. Nine-of-Diamonds:

KD said:

“What a great article, Nine-of-Diamonds! Sarah certainly has connected with voters. Her Strength, combined with Simple Goodness, is a Godsend.”

I know, but remember this:

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Sep 21, 2008 - 2:00 pm 42. KD:

Since I offered that brilliant quote from Sarah Palin (proof positive, as if any was ever needed, that she indeed knows more about energy than anyone in America), I thought to add an equally (if not more) brilliant quote from John McCain, the next President of the United States:

“Opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous nationwide competition, as we have done over the past decade in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation.”

The Voice of Experience you can Believe in.

Palin/McCain in November!

Sep 21, 2008 - 9:15 pm 43. Nine-of-Diamonds:

“Like BDS, there is no cure for Palinosis.”

If only there was. I swear, back in 04 you just needed to say the name “Bush” to Leftists – even supposedly friendly ones – and wow; the spittle sure would start to fly. During the 04 campaign I heard of more than one friendship that ended because of how intense people’s political views were. This does not bode well for the political tone in the US.

Sep 22, 2008 - 4:05 pm 44. Wadsy:

KD: I am so glad that you are not one of those people that if Sarah Palin becomes the next Vice President you would throw yourself in front a TAXI. We would want to make sure you are here to watch the inaugration of the first woman vice president (guardian angel and all). Whew, glad we got that out of the way.

Sep 25, 2008 - 6:05 pm 45. KD:

I sure hope everyone’s nice to Sarah during the rest of the campaign.

Sep 25, 2008 - 8:58 pm