73 Comments

1. ras:

No, I’m Spartacus!

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:11 pm 2. RandMan:

I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body….

(groan)…. sorry RLS readers……

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:26 pm 3. Mike Silverman:

I am a gay man trapped in the body of a homosexual.

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:30 pm 4. Terrye:

Me too!

And I do a mean Ethel Merman impersonation.

I wonder is David Gay? How can we know really?

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:31 pm 5. Svolich:

I realized my truth while listening to Tammy Bruce a few months ago. I’m a hot urban co-ed lesbian, trapped in a middle aged straight married suburban dad’s body.

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:43 pm 6. Gerard Van der Leun:

Thank you Roger. Now I have the strength to our myself as well. For decades I have been a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I can’t help it. I have this deep need to pursue every beautiful woman I see. What can this be other than latent lesbianism?

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:47 pm 7. tim maguire:

I’m not a gay man, but I’ve played one in several bedrooms.

Oct 6, 2006 - 12:59 pm 8. Percy Dovetonsils:

While I do enjoy watching the Home & Garden channel and the occasional gladiator movie, I don’t get the whole Judy Garland thing. At all.

So where do I fit in on Corn’s list?

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:00 pm 9. Buddy Larsen:

i don’t get it, how can everybody be gay with the world situation as it is? i’d say, “morose” makes more sense. with maybe a moment or two off on saturday nites.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:13 pm 10. Lem:

Ok, I might as well turn the page.

I’m a gay virgin.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:24 pm 11. RebeccaH:

I’m a teenaged boy trapped in the body of an elderly woman. Let Mr. Corn sort that one out.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:28 pm 12. Mark Poling:

I’m James Brown, bitch!

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:34 pm 13. Jagcap:

I’m really a Republican. Campaigned for Bill Weeks against Gerry Studds when I was in high school on the Cape. Voted for anyone who ran against Ted. Didn’t get the chance to vote against the swiftly decorated, swiftly departed… but I woulda!

And… and… and… I’m straight!

There! I’ve said it!
I feel so much better…

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:37 pm 14. Morgan:

I’m a wheel of cheese trapped inside a thin wax coating, but I usually pass as a doorstop. Oh the shame!

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:37 pm 15. David Burge:

Pheh. You call yourself gay, you fedora-wearing breeder?

I’m so gay, David Gest punched me in the shoulder and told me to “butch up.”

I’m so gay Architectural Digest has featured my gilt-framed restraining orders from Liza Minelli, Cher, Madonna, and Eartha Kitt.

I’m so gay I was kicked out of the West Hollywood mens chorus for “excessive fruitiness.”

Remember that tiger attack on Sigfried and Roy? I was at that show, and it occured when Sigfried stopped and told me to “tone it down, pansy.”

I’m so gay Andrew Sullivan supports an anti-me marriage constitutional amendment.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:44 pm 16. Jagcap:

Wow.
That’s gay.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:52 pm 17. Shawn L.:

Mike Silverman: “I am a gay man trapped in the body of a homosexual.”

Next time, use a lubricant.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:55 pm 18. Gerard Van der Leun:

Well, that didn’t take long to utterly degenerate.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:58 pm 19. Old Dad:

I’m a Lithuanian…

There, I’ve said it.

Oct 6, 2006 - 1:59 pm 20. OldCoot:

I’m curious about how many of you like to watch gladiator movies?

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:06 pm 21. Fausta:

The mind boggles.

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:06 pm 22. Pastor_Jeff:

Oooh, baby. Give me some hot shawarma, pounded kibbeh, and smooth, creamy hummus.

I think I’m a lebanese trapped in an American’s body!

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:13 pm 23. D Anghelone:

Kernels of truth in the can of Corn.

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:16 pm 24. oceanaris:

and what’s wrong with Gladiator movies?

Steve Reeves

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:22 pm 25. Barry Dauphin:

Well as long as there aren’t any covert operatives on Corn’s list, it must be OK, since he wouldn’t want to out any of them. Is it typical behavior for the co-author of a recent book to change the subject so quickly?

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:38 pm 26. ddh:

I’m Marie, Queen of Romania.

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:43 pm 27. EDH:

Artist: Engelbert Humperdinck Lyrics
Song: Lesbian Seagull Lyrics

Over rocks and trees and sand
Soaring over cliffs
And gently floating down to land
She proudly lifts her voice
To sound her mating call
And soon her mate responds by singing
Caw Caw Caw
Come with me

Lesbian Seagull

Settle down and rest with me

Fly with me lesbian seagull

To my little nest by the sea
With me that’s where you belong with me
I know I can be strong when you’re with me
She skims the water
At the new time to seek
Her fish and she emerges
With one squirming in her beak

She plays among the waves
And hides between the swells
She walks the beach at twilight

Searching for some shells
Come with me

Lesbian Seagull

Settle down and rest with me

Oh fly with me lesbian seagull

To my little nest by the sea

With me that’s where you belong with me
I know I can be strong when you’re — you’re with me

And in the evening
As they watch the setting sun
She loooks at her as if to say
The day is done
It’s time to find their shelter

Hidden in the dunes

And fall asleep the
Music of the moon
You and me

Lesbian seagull

You just watch the world oh my

Just you and me lesbian seagull

Side by side with me ’till we die
(’Till we die)
You and I
We can make it if we try
Our love will keep us flyin’ high

Until we die…

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:53 pm 28. Joe Schmoe:

Prison doesn’t count, right?

Oct 6, 2006 - 2:54 pm 29. Johan Amedeus Metesky:

I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the communist party.

Oct 6, 2006 - 3:20 pm 30. Tim:

“Prison doesn’t count, right?”

Well, that all depends if you were the initiator or the initiated.

Oct 6, 2006 - 3:30 pm 31. AST:

ROTFL.

We are all gay politicians and staff now, but NOT pederasts or pedophiles.

OK, not really, but I AM the descendant of polygamists.

It strikes me that teenagers today aren’t nearly as innocent as we were even 20 years ago. They take a lot of this stuff pretty lightly. I see stories all the time about gay clubs in high schools, or rather requests for gay clubs being litigated. It’s easier to establish a gay student club than a religious club. That doesn’t make Foley’s IMs any less disgusting, but it would support the plausibility of the prank story.

Oct 6, 2006 - 3:36 pm 32. Rhod:

Laughing out loud. Can’t stop…”kernels of truth in the can of Corn”, and “prison doesn’t count, right?” are beyond hilarious. Thanks, everyone, for the laughs.

Oct 6, 2006 - 3:38 pm 33. marioshko:

So david corn has a list.

He reminds of a republican that also had a list. Is he from Winsconsin too? Does he have 2 million names in the list too?

Anyone from the state dept.?

Is “the use of unfair investigatory or accusatory methods in order to suppress opposition” going to be called “cornism”?

Dr. J.
A “Democrat” like Roger.

Oct 6, 2006 - 4:30 pm 34. estel:

I’m a freak for modern architecture, I collect furniture and decorative arts from the mid century era, I do all the cooking for our family of four, my wife and I have been fighting for a year over the right toilet for our bath remodel…….
Ohhh nooooo…I’m gay…..GAY I TELL YOU!!

Oct 6, 2006 - 4:42 pm 35. RBMN:

I hate to perpetuate a stereotype, but my personal (limited) experience is: the average gay American is smarter and has more money than the average straight American. So it certainly wouldn’t surprise me to learn that lots of gays and lesbians are “closeted” Republicans–talk left, vote right. These days, Republicanism is probably the more dangerous cat to let out of the bag…er, closet.

Oct 6, 2006 - 4:43 pm 36. Ray Zacek:

I am Joe McCarthy reborn as an editor for The Nation and I have a list of all the closeted gays now active on Capitol Hill.

Oct 6, 2006 - 4:56 pm 37. Connecticut Yankee:

Speaking of dangerous cats– my three felines just came out of the closet as Mets fans. They go to baseball reeducation camp tomorrow.

Oct 6, 2006 - 5:16 pm 38. yadid:

et tu rogerus?

Oct 6, 2006 - 5:26 pm 39. Fausta:

First Roger, then Gerard, now The Anchoress!

Oct 6, 2006 - 5:32 pm 40. Gerard Van der Leun:

Well, what’s wrong with you? You an Outophobe?

Oct 6, 2006 - 5:41 pm 41. PeterUK:

Estel,
Only one real test,do you leave the toilet seat up?

Oct 6, 2006 - 5:41 pm 42. ElMondo:

“I’m curious about how many of you like to watch gladiator movies?”

Actually I like ‘em quite a… HEY!!!

Oct 6, 2006 - 5:59 pm 43. effinayright:

The term “cornholed” is taking on a whole new meaning…..

Oct 6, 2006 - 6:15 pm 44. Buddy Larsen:

Mr. Uk, leaving the lid down means it won’t fall on your head while you’re getting rid of that one-too-many bottle of Ripple.

Oct 6, 2006 - 6:17 pm 45. LouMinatti:

I knew it all along. It was the hat.

Oct 6, 2006 - 6:46 pm 46. Lem:

Corn is reminiscent of Kerry and Edwards using Chaney’s lesbian daughter as a political pawn.
http://tinyurl.com/63beg

BTW. As a by-lingual American and in the interest of diversity, I think I should also come out in my native tongue.

You soy pato.

Oct 6, 2006 - 7:45 pm 47. Pastor_Jeff:

All right, since everyone else is coming clean…

I am J. Edgar Hoover.

Oct 6, 2006 - 7:50 pm 48. Sally-O:

I have in my possession a lengthy list of ostensible gays who feign “homosexuality” in order to gain favor from the liberal gay establishment. I have photographs (and instant messages) of Rosie O’Donnell consorting with Barney Frank, and that, my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg.

Andrew Sullivan? Straight as an arrow. Chris Matthews? You guessed it!

I will be distributing all of this to the media at that moment before the election which I consider most opportune.

Oct 6, 2006 - 7:53 pm 49. Tully:

Ich bin ein Spartacus!

Corn is just scum.

Oct 6, 2006 - 8:11 pm 50. Ray Zacek:

I am Nancy Pelosi and as Speaker I will clean up the House, or have my maids clean it up, or the sissy boys.

Oct 6, 2006 - 8:19 pm 51. Connecticut Yankee:

Next step is for Corn to out E.T. as an illegal alien.

Oct 6, 2006 - 8:34 pm 52. Ray Zacek:

I always suspected E.T. was a little overly friendly with that kid, Elliot, if you know what I mean. There was a subtext there.

Oct 6, 2006 - 8:58 pm 53. dougf:

Thanks everyone. This was a most excellent thread. LOL funny in most instances. Special thanks to Roger for putting Mr. Corn in his proper historical position.

Always hated that guy. Now I have a more than sufficient reason. The many anologies to a certain Senator from the past are also very appropriate.

History repeats itself the first time as a tragedy, the second time as a farce.”

Why did I do to get stuck in the farce enactment?

Oct 6, 2006 - 9:25 pm 54. ElMondo:

“UPDATE: I think I’ve opened a can of worms here.”

(from link) “His addiction to Bauhaus architecture?”

Bauhaus? Bauhaus???

Okay… I can handle you either being gay, straight, or addicted to car parts, it’s all about what floats your boat in the bedroom. Or the living room. On the floor. Whatever. It’s all good. I can handle and in fact openly approve of the bald look, because it’s sleek, aerodynamic, and makes it harder to catch fleas (maybe I should shave my head…). I can hack the inspiration of vast quantities of ganja because, well, you know, when they hand it to you and it’s lit and they’re all just staring at you… it’s not a peer pressure thing, you know, it’s just not wanting to be different. I can handle you living in LA because any town that can combine bohemian ethic with bourgeoisie lifestyles gets a thumbs up in my book. Same with you being a Democrat: Any philosophy that can combine proletariat sensibilities with bourgeois activities with no trace of irony earns my unqualified admiration.

But Bauhaus architecture?? Is he serious?? You realize, of course, that Bauhaus is just the gateway drug into Post Modern architecture, which itself is the entry drug to Constructivist art, thus beginning the slippery slope towards Futurism, then Dadaist tendencies, thus resulting in your metal and glass house being composed of strong horizontal lines with no corners whatsoever, kitschy retro 60’s throwback furniture, previous props from the set of Down with Love, and conscious non-sequitor conversations, such as

“What color is the sky?”

“Elephant.”

Seek help, Roger. Renaissance architecture may be a bitch to clean – need a toothbrush to do it, and by the time you’re at the end, it’s time to start over at the beginning, all those nooks and crannys and crenellations, oy! – but mentally it’s a far safer place. Plus, your furniture won’t look so severe.

Oct 6, 2006 - 9:59 pm 55. Robert:

I’m not gay. However, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Oct 6, 2006 - 10:07 pm 56. Connecticut Yankee:

Speaking of a certain Senator from the past, “Tailgunner Joe” may acquire a whole new dimension of meaning.

Oct 6, 2006 - 10:25 pm 57. HA:

Roger,

This finally explains the whole Valerie Plame affair. It was all a tragic mistake! Poor Valerie just ended up on the wrong list! Corn put her on his “to be outed” list instead of his “anonymous anti-Bush leaker’s” list.

Oct 7, 2006 - 5:12 am 58. ddh:

I’m so gay, I’m the fourth man.

Oct 7, 2006 - 6:18 am 59. Mr. Bingley:

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII
I am
I am.

Oct 7, 2006 - 6:39 am 60. Cap'n Billy:

Appropos of nothing:
“I’ve Got A Little List”.

Oct 7, 2006 - 7:06 am 61. estel:

To Elmondo. Renaissance architecture? Bauhaus is a clean, tranquil, MANLY architecture. A “machine for living” in the words of LeCorbusier. Renaissance architecture it very completely totaly very absolutely very gay.
But then as previously disclosed, so am I.
I am very conflicted.
Oh, and I leave the seat up.

Oct 7, 2006 - 7:51 am 62. ElMondo:

“Bauhaus is a clean, tranquil, MANLY architecture. A “machine for living” in the words of LeCorbusier. Renaissance architecture it very completely totaly very absolutely very gay.
But then as previously disclosed, so am I.
I am very conflicted.
Oh, and I leave the seat up. “

LMAO!

——

Hey, wait a minute! A “MANLY” architecture?? Then why is it the one guy I know into that stuff is basically the asexually budded love clone of Dieter from Sprokets? Everytime I try to point out the stark desperation of his monocromatically concrete abode and the harsh emptiness it imparts to his surroundings, I get a lecture about the banality of my conventional life and some musings about his fascination with “textures”.

Don’t get me wrong, it ends up being a fascinating conversation – have you ever contemplated the texture of a suede leather jacket? You see shapes after the first hour – but manly the conversation is not. I try to keep “Dieter” away from my other friends I watch football with.

Although after a few beers, I think I can get one of them to stare at a suede coat for an evening…

Oct 7, 2006 - 10:29 am 63. LC Chairman eDog:

I admit it. I enjoy a backrub and hugs from another guy after the third hit of ecstacy. But beyond that, you know, stubble.

Oct 7, 2006 - 12:02 pm 64. triticale:

Yeah, what’s wrong with those movies? I’m glad I ate her.

Oct 7, 2006 - 12:09 pm 65. maria horvath:

I’m a little teapot, short and stout.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Oct 7, 2006 - 1:37 pm 66. Macker:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

Oct 7, 2006 - 1:59 pm 67. Brown Line:

Since we’re outing ourselves, I have a confession to make: I’m a middle-aged Catholic! And my wife and I make passionate love at every opportunity! And the Pope says it’s OK!

Oct 7, 2006 - 2:27 pm 68. Buddy Larsen:

Great Caeser’s Ghost, brown line, Have You No Shame?!

Oct 7, 2006 - 9:42 pm 69. Gwedd:

Oh Dear Lord….. I’ll never again be able to look at a can of “creamed corn”…. and consider buying it… sigh…

This all must be incredibly amusing to the fellows over at GayPatriot…

Lastly, that stuff at Frat parties doesn’t count either, right??? Right???????

Respects,

Oct 8, 2006 - 6:26 am 70. klrfz1:

Sometimes I go to a small tile covered room where only men are allowed and expose myself. There, I’ve finally said it. What a relief!

Oct 8, 2006 - 12:47 pm 71. Gottafang:

There was once a study that said 40% of all men have homoerotic fantasies.

The other 60% lie about it.

I’m Spartacus. No, really. So stop it, Mary.

Oct 9, 2006 - 9:00 am 72. qqcifer:

I’m straight. But I still just saved a bundle on my car insurance by switching to Gayco

Oct 11, 2006 - 6:04 pm 73. Sage:

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