I can tell you from hard-earned experience that if there’s a stomach flu going around, and you’re the only person in your house who hasn’t had it, then whatever you do, do not eat anything featuring Super Chunk peanut butter.
From the moment it hits, you’ll feel like you have to burp. Only you can’t, because that’s not an air pocket in your stomach, it’s a wet burlap sack filled with acorns. You can hear them rattle around every time you move, and even more loudly when you don’t. Every hour or two, the bag will twist just right and some of the acorns will come flying out. That’s when you realize: Those aren’t acorns. And also maybe: When did I last eat cottage cheese?
The dry heaves are fun, too. They’ll give you the experience of being a two pack-a-day smoker forced to run a marathon, without ever having to leave the privacy of your own bathroom. E-V-E-R.
Did manage to get some sleep last night, which was nice. I’m just well-rested enough today to fully appreciate just how much I look like a guy who spent 18 hours hurling and heaving. Much more of this and my abs are going to look phenomenal. The bathroom, not so much.
I’ll be back for more blogging as soon as the flu gives me permission again. The going rate is every 45-90 minutes.
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6 Comments
1. RightGirl:You sure it’s not Carteritis disguised as salmonella, from the peanut butter? All the cool kids are getting it.
RG
Jan 21, 2009 - 9:00 am 2. David:Hope you’re feeling better soon. Here’s some guys who are sicker than you, in case that helps any. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2146286.ece
Jan 21, 2009 - 10:17 am 3. Larry J:As much as you may not want to, you need to get some electrolytes in your system or you’ll get sicker. Get some Gatorade or a similar product into you and you’ll feel better. You definitely don’t want to get dehydrated on top of your illness.
Jan 21, 2009 - 10:29 am 4. rbj:Crackers are good for soothing the stomach. I used to recommend Ritz, but then they went and changed their recipe, and screwed it up.
Jan 21, 2009 - 11:48 am 5. rosignol:Much more of this and my abs are going to look phenomenal.
Next, on the Home Shopping Network, a revolutionary diet/exercise product for people who have trouble getting to the gym! Lose weight and get in shape in the privacy of your own bathroom!
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Jan 21, 2009 - 1:35 pm 6. Robert:You have my sympathy, Stephen. I caught Giardiasis a couple of times in Spain, it causes both vomiting and diarrhea simultaneously, so the only solution is to sit on the toilet while holding a bucket. Not pleasant.
You might be able to get an injection of phenergan to stop the vomiting, but since it makes you drowsy the medicos won’t let you drive after the injection, so bring a driver with you.
Jan 21, 2009 - 4:00 pmSorry, comments for this entry are closed at this time.